Posted: Sat Feb 18, 2012 10:19 am
Post subject: Missed misscarriage
I found out at my scan on tuesday i had a missed misscarriage at 8 weeks. I thought i was 13 weeks pregnant. I havent got my operation till monday. Which meens it would of been dead inside me for 6 weeks that makes me feel so strange. Im devastated i wanted that baby so much i even bought little socks and nappys an my mum bought me a pushchair i know how stupid that looks now. I was crying most days when i was pregnant cos i was so happy. Iv never felt heartache like this . I know my partners finding it hard to be around me cos im so miserable he says he feels like havin a baby is more important than our realtionship which i dont think is true i love him to pieces but it has put a strain on us. Has anyone else had relationship troubles after a misscarriage? And how did u get over the loss? At the moment im focusing on gettin pregnant again is this the right thing to do? Thx xx
Posted: Sat Feb 18, 2012 8:49 pm
First of all I'm sorry for your loss.
I know how hard it is. I had my first m/c a year ago next week, I lost that naturally after 2 days after the scan we found out I had m/c. I got pregnant straight away, and found out at what would of been 10/11 weeks that I had miscarried at 6 weeks! It is hard, and time is a great healer. I really want a baby, and things have been really strained between me and the OH. But at the moment we are focusing on us as a couple, plus my OH doesn't feel ready to try again, as much as I'd love to get pregnant now. I think wanting to get pregnant straight away is a natural instinct. And things will get better in your relationship, you really need to make sure you both talk to each other, as I think lack of communication doesn't help.
Take care hun xx
Posted: Wed Feb 22, 2012 11:04 pm
Sorry for your loss, I know how horrible it is going for a scan and there being no heartbeat In my case I had a blighted ovum (where the placenta develops but the embryo doesn't) so for me I felt like I'd been tricked into thinking I was pregnant when really there was never a baby there, at the scan there was just an empty sac and I miscarried naturally the next day. We left it 1 cycle then started trying again, so far no luck, this is my 2nd proper cycle so hoping I get a BFP in next few days but it's just so heartbreaking knowing that I should be 24 weeks now I'm lucky that both me and DH felt the same way about the MC, we both excepted that it's one of those things and both decided that to try again a month later was what we wanted...I think I took it worse than him because it's my body that went through it all but it's hard to know how men really feel! It might be worth trying to explain to your OH exactly how it feels to carry a baby then find out it's died and how much you love him etc. Get him to come on here or to visit the miscarriage association website to read about peoples feelings and experiences, it might help him understand that women do deal with mc differently and that this is normal for you to be feeling like this.
Big hugs to you, and good luck with the op and with trying again.
Posted: Wed Feb 29, 2012 9:00 pm
I'm really sorry for the difficult time you're going through. My best friend is going through the same at the minute and I just don't know how to help her. Although I had a miscarriage just under 2 yrs ago I've had a baby since and I feel worse for her than I felt for myself at the time. It's so difficult I know, but please know there are others in the same situation as you and time is a great healer. Just take each day as it comes, cry if you need to and just tell your partner to be understanding, your hormones are all over the place too. Good luck and I hope you can get over it soon. xxx
Posted: Wed Mar 07, 2012 7:47 pm
so sorry hunni.. I have had 1 ectopic and 2 m/c.. and yes it is awful... be kind to yourself.. xx
Tubal Reversal 19/7/10
Angel Baby due 18/5/2011 (ectopic)
Angel Baby due 25/1/2012 (m/c)
Angel Baby due 21/6/2012 (m/c)
All 3 much loved and wanted xx
Posted: Wed Mar 07, 2012 9:33 pm
So sorry for your loss. The way you're feeling and hurting is all to be expected because you've not only lost your baby, you lose your hopes and dreams too don't you. Time kind of makes things more bearable, you do learn to cope, and for me I found focusing on something (anything really, but it was fundraising for me) helped me cope and suddenly there were moments in the day when I wasnt angry at the world and thinking "what if...." "why our babies...."
If you dont mind me offering one BIG piece of advice it would be to try to remember that you and your partner will grieve in different ways, and at different times. For a short while me and my DH seemed to drift apart when we lost our babies, and there was a lot of resentment on my part because I didnt see him grieve (I dont know why I wanted to see him in pain ) It was almost as though because I was hurting, he should be, because he was their Daddy, but I recognise now that although you both grieve for the same loss you deal with things in totally different ways. I think it is so natural for a women to want to become pregnant straight away, so you're not wrong for feeling like this, but in hindsight Im glad we gave ourselves a few months to try to come to terms with our loss. We are TTC again now and its been 4/5 months since we lost our babies.
Its understandable that you bought the baby things, its not stupid at all. You were looking forward to the arrival of your baby, so its no wonder you wanted to buy things. Sorry for rambling babe, I didnt mean to make it all about me, I just wanted to let you know that you're not alone and the way you feel is very much the same as many of us on here who have tragically lost our babies, so if you ever need to "chat" to any of us we are here. I know I couldnt have got through the last few months without the wonderful girls on here.
As Angelcake says, please be kind to yourself and take care of each other xxx
Posted: Thu Jun 28, 2012 7:03 am
so sorry for your loss hun
i went through the same thing i got scanned and told but then they waited a week scanned me again then a week later i had my op i know how hard it is carrying on when your carrying your little angel still i hope your ok hun it does get easier but you never forget either its been 7 years since mine an i still think and wonder about my lil angel...sending you loads of hugs xxxx