Posted: Sun Jul 29, 2012 10:15 pm
Post subject: Help!
Hi everyone never really been on anything like this before so not really sure what im doing but here goes..
basically all i want to no is what everyone's views are on how a partner should treat his pregnant girlfriend and what his role and responsibilities as a father to be should be?
Going to show him this and hope things change for the better as i feel so alone!
Please leave your views thanks xx
Posted: Sun Aug 05, 2012 7:00 pm
I suppose that depends on what you want!
For me I wanted my oh to help and support me around the house as I found things a struggle towards the end. I also think its important that he doesn't disappear out every night with friends etc as that's not exactly something I'd expect in a relationship regardless of pregnancy.
I didn't want to be wrapped up in cotton wool or anything but I did want some appreciation or even acknowledgment for how difficult being pregnant can be!
As a father to be I'd say his responsibilities are to attend scans, if he works it's unrealistic for him to be at all midwife appointments as well.
My oh isn't really a touchy feely guy, he doesn't find me particularly sexy pregnant and so he wasn't really one to talk to baby or touch my belly unless I asked him to. That's pretty normal tho to be honest and I never forced anything.
Posted: Sun Aug 05, 2012 9:04 pm
Thanks for your reply.
Im not sure what I want or if im just expecting to much. I suppose all I want is for him to support our unborn child and support and help me and step up to the mark as at the minute he doesn't.
for example im 8 weeks away from giving birth and as of yet he has not bought a single thing for our baby not even a bib or a nappy we still need a pram, cot and clothes. Ive not been able to work through my pregnancy as im high risk due to kidney failure. He has a good well paid job and drives round in a big bmw but yet cant help buy stuff for baby. Though must admit i asked him would he put 100 pound to the pram if i put 500 towards it and he said he would as long as i tell him in advance. All i get when i say this to him is 'i do do things for her i go to all her scans and appointments' and he seems to think that makes everything ok.
another example we have just got a house that needs to be decorated and furnishing as i said im 8 weeks from giving birth and finding everything a task as it is and he has done nothing to help me get the house sorted. He has sat there on his phone while im up and down a ladder painting and sanding. I asked him to hoover and paint a bit of coving up the ladder and my request was just ignored then he upped and left to take his son from a previous relationship swimming. I respect that he works in the week but is it too much to ask for him to help at the weekends to get the house done in 8 weeks even if it means not spending much time with his son for a few weeks? and missing swimming for a few weeeks? He says im out of order for saying this.
I just cant seem to get anything through to him i feel so alone and stressed its unbearable.
sorry its turned into a bit of an essay x
Posted: Mon Aug 06, 2012 11:46 am
Don't be sorry I Unfortunatly know a little of where you are coming from.
First off I would be saying he is to put half of the money up for everything, she's his daughter as much as yours! We were lucky this time in that we had all the big things from our son so we didn't have a huge amount to pay out. I am a stay at home mum and any money that comes into the house is ours even if it's from his wage. That's important for us.
As for the decorating etc, I don't know what your oh is like usually but if it's not something he would do when your not pregnant it's not going to change just because you are. I wanted the house cleaned and re-painted before out daughter arrived (she's 10days old now) but because I couldn't do it all myself it didn't get done, nesting is an infuriating thing in late pregnancy because it makes you really irrational about cleaning etc, I had to have a word with myself because ultimately painting and decorating in the grand scheme of things doesn't matter, and she won't know it's ever been done lol.
As for spending time with his son, how long does this swimming last for, he can help inbetween. I wouldn't ask him not to see his son because it obviously means a lot to them both and the sons routine shouldn't be effected really.
I know it can be hard god I gave birth on 27th and then on the 28th my partners son came to stay with us for a week! I could have done without it in all honesty but I couldn't have changed it or oh wouldn't have seen his son.
My beautiful children are my life! Tommy 10 and Charlie 4 and Lily 1, Mummy loves you! xxx