Posted: Sat Jul 07, 2012 11:09 am
Post subject: Feeling invisible...
I'm feeling so low at the moment, and I don't see how things can improve.
I'm a stay-at-home mum to my 20 month old son; my husband works full time. I do/plan/organise EVERYTHING for my son and husband, all the cooking, cleaning, going out - anything that needs doing. I take my son swimming EVERY week, we go to regular toddler groups, we go to an indoor play centre every week - so that I can ensure my son is getting the most out of life and has all the 'development' opportunities that he can. My husband does very little.
Yet I am ALWAYS bad cop - husband is always good cop. I am SICK of feeling like the wicked witch in this family. I set the boundaries, ensure son gets appropriate discipline etc, and husband comes in from work and offers son tv, treats etc when I have already said no. Ok, they sound like minor things, there's more, but too complicated to try and explain. As soon as 'da da' comes home I become invisible - weekends are hell, husband is home all the time. I resent my husband so much, and really don't think that my son gives a hoot about me. If I vanished off the face of the earth they wouldn't miss me - ok, they'd miss the 'slave' that cooks, cleans and plans things, but they wouldn't miss *ME*.
I had terrible PND after the birth of my son, and despite various setbacks I helped myself to recover. I finished my antidepressants a few months ago. And, desperate for a second child, we ttc and I fell pregnant 10 weeks ago.
I feel so low, I hate my husband when he's home, I find myself running round picking up/sorting things he's missed or left out, tidying up after him and my son, and I get nothing in return. He doesn't earn a great wage - otherwise I'd console myself with retail therapy. My husband doesn't listen to me, I think he forgets I'm there - he asked me about breakfast one morning then completely forgot about me, made toast for himself and my son, but nothing for me. He brings our son into our bed at 5:20am when I am trying to sleep (really struggling with first trimester tiredness), just so HE can be close to our son. Son stays awake, so my sleep is disturbed.
I don't know what the future holds for this second baby - I won't let my husband come near me, so there's no way he's bonding with it. I don't even know if I want to be married to him anymore (we've been together 16 years).
I'm sure some will say these feelings are normal, but is it fair to get on with life feeling like this? I hate who I become when my husband is home. I am a grumpy, tired mum. I feel like packing my bags and leaving...
Posted: Sat Jul 07, 2012 6:52 pm
it does not get easier i am same as you, but i have 2 kids, not pregnant i do everything, my oh does not work he at home all day so he could help out more, he must think because we have to live at his parents because got broken in to on 27th september 2011, i hate it, he thinks that kids dont need bonderies. no one listens to me, may as well not be here.
Posted: Mon Oct 01, 2012 6:44 am
Hi, how are things now? I feel the same for alot of the things you mentioned. How are things between you and DH in general?
Are you able to sit down and discuss your LO boundaries and that it isn't good that he comes home and offers him treats etc?
Also to discuss how you are feeling and need his help / participation etc.. more?
I'm sure being pg (congrats by the way!) and hormonal isn't helping unfortunately.
I really hope things get better. Big hug. xxx