Falling apart

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sophie2008
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Posted: Fri Nov 02, 2012 10:44 am 
Post subject: Falling apart
I have a common problem, and everyone is telling me the common diagnosis and common cure.

I feel down, lonely, sad and quite frankly as though i have nothing. I have my boys, but is living solely for my children all i should have? What about a friend? Who can i talk to if im down? My OH sure you will say. Well he is as much use as a broken teapot. I talk to him, and he gets annoyed and angry saying that 'thee are things i can do'. I dont even understand this, as if there was wouldnt i have explored this already. I did try. Last yr i as accepted into college. I went and made frieds. Great... We all went onto apply to uni. Of my 4 pals, I left de to personal reasons and went world travelling, one opened her own business and is so busy and has 'real friends#', one has a job and the last... god knows. I txt and fb. no reply. I think i am so desperate for mates that i offer all i can. I drop people home (i dive and several didnt). I offe to take them shopping so they can get their xmas/ home items and not pay fo a cab. Where are they now?????

I say hello to the same people in the morning, invited 1 over- always no... What can i do. I even said to OH- a great business idea- 'pay to pal.' A company should offer you a friend on a pay hourly rate- £15 p/h and a 'friend' will come to you, go out with you, have a coffee with you. God knows i have tried all the common ways.

I kno i have depression- i am the first to admit it. But i am not having this on my medical record. I have been rejected life insurance 3 times this yr- was a self harmer, and appently thatto the insurance company is enought to be considered unisurable on grounds of suicidal tendancy- I would never do that. As long as my kids are here, i am too.

so depression - hell yes... GP- hell no! cant- not having that on my record. i have enough on there. they do have some notes- they recognised the signs, but have never offically diagnsed. I saw my records)- when applying for life cover. They say "depression? low mood. Appointment needed to assess"
EmzandFlick
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Posted: Fri Nov 02, 2012 1:54 pm 
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If you are depressed then you need to see a dr before it gets any worse.
To say that you do not want that on your medical file says to me that you are not as depressed as you seem to think you are. If you were bad enough to need help then you would go and get help.
I do not have life insurance but I have my savings instead which will help pay for things when I am gone.
I found this though, so maybe it will help
http://www.the-insurance-surgery.co.uk/illnesses/depression-insurance
sweetpea24
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Posted: Fri Nov 02, 2012 3:30 pm 
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Sorry to hear this. But how can life insurance have access to your dr records? Surely that is confidential? Over here you need to take a blood test, bp test etc.., but as far as I know they don't have access to your dr records, thats confidential.

I'm sorry, but depression is NOT a good thing (I know you know that), what if you get worse? You might not even know it, its a slow slippery slide, you might get to the point where you do something, even though you have kids. Sorry, I really don't mean to be mean or upset you further, but your kids are your life, how old are they? Don't you think they will notice that Mommy is not happy?

Maybe stop trying so hard re making friends. Meet some, do something, but don't go all out offering this and that, you don't want the people that only want you in their lives cos they can use you for something, you want the people that like you for you.
Are there no groups / clubs in your area? Related to your kids, their school, the neighbour? Swimming class etc?

What about on facebook? I don't mean just to chat on facebook, but I was very lonely when I lost my job and sat at home all day. I joined the Mom and Kids group over here and have met loads of nice people, we meet up for play dates and I actually have one of them (minus kids and hubby) coming over for dinner tonight. Smile

I hope things improve for you, reading your other posts its sounds like you have had a hard time. Its time things got better! Smile Smile
Big hug. xxx
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EmzandFlick
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Posted: Fri Nov 02, 2012 6:00 pm 
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You need the support of your partner to get help.
Forget life insurance, here and now you need help.
There are lots of mummy groups on FB,, maybe you could join one?
I joined one and it really built my confidence xxx
MrsOz
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Posted: Fri Nov 02, 2012 7:13 pm 
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Def go to the doctors. If you were turned down for self harming then you have already admitted to having some form of mental probs to them.

Can I ask...Why are you so against having it on your record? I am diagnosed and have had so much support recently that it has changed my family's life for the best. My OH no longer 'cares' for me, my daughter is looked after and we laugh so much despite still being depressed.
I am in a professional, qualified job where I advise and support parents and their children in a secondary school, depression can and does affect anyone, there is less stigmatism about it. Since being diagnosed I have gone back to uni ( to do another masters) which has given me focus alongside working as well as getting further promoted at work - even though they know I was medicated, recieved counselling and was ready to throw my life away. Having the 'label' does not stop you unless you allow it to.

I also advise using 'home start' it is a nationwide charity who have volunteers go round to peoples houses, as well as invite popel to groups to meet others who are also lonely or have difficulties. I have my own volunteer to help sound off as I cannot put my family through the hell they have suffered with me for the last 3 years.
When you get yourself ready, maybe volunteering could be the way forward for you too to help others? But you must be in a good place to do this.

Good luck and look after yourself

xx
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sophie2008
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Posted: Thu Nov 08, 2012 2:11 pm 
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I applied for life insurance as i would ike the security for my family, and they do ask fo the medical records apparently. I have partly seen mine, but they are so long, i would have had to have the GP to myslef all day.

I can see and know that depression is my issue, but i feel like a failure in many ways and my way to cope is to apply a little project to keep me busy. The busier i am the less i woy about being lonely. But i do know that i cant have a poject evey 5 mins. I just hate being alone. I try and ty to make friends, but it just dont work. I have invited numerous people pver for play dates and they all say im busy this week, perhaps next week- which never comes. I now look despeate, and feel like an idiot, so i say if they dont want me as a friend then fine... i wont try again. there is only so many times you can ask.

I dont want to have pity for being 'unwell' and treated any differently. I dont want to have to declare a mental health issue, nor be judged as though i am unstable/ unwell/ill. Im sure many of you will say that there is no stigma, but i feel otherwise. I feel that if i say i suffer from this, the gp will intefere, i will look weak and my family will teat me differently- as i always wear my trusty 'smile' and 'im as had as nails' attitude, they will think i am weak. my mum had depression, and i will be damned if she thinks i am like her. I clearly am, but the difference is i learn to keep it pivate and not buden others with it. Also, my sister has it and is the same- shows everyone she is not coping.. Liken me to bree fom desperate housewives, as my OH does. I believe in keeping my issues inside, and as private as possible. I do not want to be looked upon as an unstable mess, as i am at times. I can admit that i do punish myslef for the failure that i am. and i wish this aspect to remain with me.

I am like this becasue i have no friends- was bullied badly and leant to keep to myself, and found that in life i relied on only me. Ity to make fiends, but cant, so take it personally.
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MrsOz
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Posted: Thu Nov 08, 2012 10:08 pm 
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sophie2008 wrote:
I applied for life insurance as i would ike the security for my family, and they do ask fo the medical records apparently. I have partly seen mine, but they are so long, i would have had to have the GP to myslef all day.


Sadly they do - I was turned down several years ago by everyone as I have had a tumour and several biopsies for other suspects, but now I have a policy which does not include specific tumours and conditions.

You are not a failure, but don't ignore how you feel as sometimes, without help, you will not get better.

When I was first diagnosed a friend told me that although it feels like a black hole now, when you come out of it there really is a light that you forgot. My motivation to get well was for my OH and daughter that I knew I should love, but couldn't.

Being lonely is hard, and I totally get what you mean about sounding desperate (hence why I have a home volunteer to see me, ready for when I have this baby and am not at work getting face to face adult conversation). Can you do any volunteer work when OH gets home? Mixing with adults in a non threatening, non forced environment might be better if you struggle at groups. Something for your self esteem rather than a value gain may be what you need to start with?

xx
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