Posted: Thu Nov 22, 2012 2:42 pm
Post subject: Long term TTC and ANOTHER childless Christmas...
Well this is a depressing post so look away now if you are having a bad day!!
We have been TTC for over 4 years, in 2010 i had a tube unblocked and since then have had two pregnancies that have ended in early m/c. The last pregnancy was in August this year just before IVF was about to start and now we are starting IVF my next cycle which is mid December. All our pre-IVF tests have come back at an optimum level both my egg quality and my husbands semen analysis - we have unexplained reasons why we are struggling to conceive.
I LOVE xmas but i do not think i can bear yet another childless xmas - every year we say 'this time next year we'll have a special xmas with a new baby' i just feel at 32 years old i should be enjoying xmas with a family of my own now i can't be @rsed with it now watching all my friends having a lovely time with their babies and children, i know TTC is really hard on everyone but i think xmas is particularly hard for those of us who are not mummies. Sorry to depress everyone!! I am usually very positive (honestly) but having a very bad week.
Posted: Thu Nov 22, 2012 2:56 pm
Every year me and o/h fantasise of it being our last Christmas with no baby and same with our family holidays and each year things are still the same. Will be heading into our 6th year ttc in December, I honestly thought Ivf would be the answer knowing that other than my tube problem theres absolutely nothing wrong with me. Now we face the prospect of another frozen transfer and the pressure of our frozen embryos running out, not to mention all our savings funding it. Once theyve all gone thats it for us, I guess we just have unprotected sex and hope for a miracle. I have no idea if my remaining tube is still open, Im thinking it probably isnt considering we havent been pregnant for almost 2 yrs (since my ectopic in February 2011).
Ttc since December 2007!
Posted: Thu Nov 22, 2012 3:05 pm
hi shelly i know how u feel.we have been trying for over 2yrs had numerous amounts of chlomid and ocarian drilling feels like our lives on hold...i turn down weekends away with friends etc coz 'i might be preganant' we test on dec 5th and feels so much harder it being xmas. im 38 btw so defo ready to be a mum. also we have been together 5yrs and would love to get engaged ivf takes your money.
where are u being treated? x
Posted: Thu Nov 22, 2012 3:06 pm
It's just horrible isn't it?!! i just feel like i will never be called 'mum' and i am finding the prospect of Christmas particularly hard this year because of my recent loss i just thought when we were married everything would work itself out and i was ecstatic at having conceived a honeymoon baby but i feel even the happiness from just getting married was ruined when we lost it. I am just having a bad week!! I am sorry for depressing everyone i know everyone is having a hard time xxxx
Posted: Thu Nov 22, 2012 4:06 pm
Sorry to hear you are feeling down, Xmas is the worst time of yr if you are have any life troubles! On a practical note, could you just f@*% it off and go on holiday somewhere hot and luxurious with your OH? Might make it seem easier. I have a 60yr old female friend who never met the right man or had kids and she goes away every year and sends a Merry Christmas email to everyone and that's it. She says that she doesn't "do" Xmas and I totally get where she's coming from!
Posted: Thu Nov 22, 2012 4:26 pm
thanks ladies just needed to let it out i hate moaning on to my friends and family i don't want them avoiding me!!
well one option is to go away especially as i will not have work to worry about - i work in a school but i am handing my notice in at xmas as i have been off with stress and anxiety and want to start 2013 feeling more calm and focused - or something like that anyway!!
We are being treated at Burton reproductive centre we live in lichfield staffordshire x
Posted: Thu Nov 22, 2012 9:51 pm
Shelley i know exactly how you feel, This is gonna be my 6th!! Childless christmas and like yourself i find my self saying 'we should have a baby next christmas' but it just never happens christmas i just want to lock myself in my house and not come out of the whole season because christmas is all about kids and babies, life is just so cruel.. I haven't been what you have been through regarding miscarriages xxx But i do totally understand where your coming from, me and my OH are the same just 'unexplainned infertility' Knowing everything is fine doesn't make it any easier We will all get the in the end xxxx Sending you lots of baby dust!! Lots of love Jo xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Posted: Fri Nov 23, 2012 4:54 pm
Shelly I am totally with you!!!
We started ttc in June 2009 and nothing!!!
All our test results are if anything above average so I don't get it!
I had a really bad time last week but I have got my hope back again slightly, this will be technically the 4th Christmas of me praying to be pregnant or have a baby and still nothing
I chased our IVF the other day apparently we will have an appointment to see the cons by the end of Jan as I had a massive wobble reading another forum that the wait is 12 weeks and then you get that within that time frame but it could be another 3-4 months before you see the cons so I was on serious countdown to hopefully starting treatment by jan feb time not still waiting anyway seems as our referral was a [*CENSORED*] up from my stupid hosp they are pushing for us to be seen sooner so that to be honest is the only thing that's keeping me going!
I can imagine the pain I will go through when it most probably doesn't work but I cant think of that at the minute I would be a wreck!
We have just booked 2 weekends away, Dublin first week in Jan with another couple that we get on great with so I am looking forward to that and Edinburgh again in Feb so that's keeping me going as its something to look forward to!
To be honest I am quite looking forward to Christmas (not all the fbook status's of baby's first Christmas pics and all that ) but I am praying its our last one just us 2 well 3 with our gorgeous doggy he is my baby haha) mind you saying that I have said this on numerous occasions and its always been the same every year!
I don't know if I could get through another after this without starting our own family I am just blocking it out of my head at the minute!
stay hopeful hun its got to happen and when it does I am sure all the pain of this crappy horrendous part will be forgotten!! (well thats what I tell myself over and over again!!)
We could maybe be IVF buddies if we get our starting date soon xxxxx
Posted: Fri Nov 23, 2012 7:21 pm
I completely understand what you mean, every Christmas of ttc is so hard, especially seeing everyone's facebook statuses and pictures of children and babies with presents. And every new year seems really emotional that another year has passed. OH was saying for years and years that this will be the last new year I'm drinking.
This year I have finally got what I've wished for and am really looking forward to Christmas, and the fact that it will definitely be our last one just the 2 of us.
I really really hope all you ladies get the best Christmas presents ever, you so deserve it.