Very personal, but need to share...... Sex life tmi!

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Jolly
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Posted: Fri Nov 23, 2012 8:58 pm 
Post subject: Very personal, but need to share...... Sex life tmi!
Soz 4 the tmi ladies but I feel the need to share re: my sex life! Ok, or lack of it. To cut a long story short my OH wud like us to enjoy sex at least twice a week, whereas I can only get the urge for it about once every 10 days. He has been getting upset about it, so I made a drs appt (how embarrassing) and went along today. She gave me the number of a clinic we can both go to for some counselling. I just wonder what u guys think about my situation. I have a 15 month old and a 4 yr old, also our wry sick mum-in-law lives with us, my father-in-law has just died of cancer so we were also caring for him. Life is sooo busy and sooo stressful. Another issue is that sex has never been my favourite thing as I was molested as a child. I just feel so bad cos I can't satisfy my OH's needs, I just need my own space. I do enjoy sex though once in a while. Anyone got any advice? Sorry for the tmi!
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jennaxhx
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Posted: Fri Nov 23, 2012 9:15 pm 
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Havent got any advice as we have a serious lack of sex (my fault not his!) But just wanted you to know that i really dont think once every 10 days is a long time considering you have so much going on in your life! My OH would be thanking god if i wanted it that often lol i know the average couple prob have sex once or twice a week but i dont think once every 10 days is bad going Smile xx
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Last edited by jennaxhx on Fri Nov 23, 2012 10:56 pm; edited 1 time in total
RachN3Babies
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Posted: Fri Nov 23, 2012 10:17 pm 
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I dont think once every 10 day's is bad at all.. Our sex life is rubbish and it's mostly his fault we can go 6 weeks at a time with no sex.. And it's usually his fault.. I would normally like it more often but this pg has killed my sex drive haha. You have a lot going on in your life atm I'm not surprised you dont feel like it! Maybe just sit down with him and explain that your feeling very stressed and tired and thats why your sex drive isn't as high as his?? X
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keltru
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Posted: Fri Nov 23, 2012 11:11 pm 
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The counselling ought be good so that you can achieve some kind of compromise and he might be able to understand your point of view a bit more. It might help you to deal with your past as well if it is impacting on it all x x
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Jolly
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Posted: Sat Nov 24, 2012 1:29 pm 
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Thanks ladies, I don't feel as bad now. He's just a torture and I think the more innuendos etc he makes the more it puts me off. He just needs to back off a bit.
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AngelDelight
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Posted: Sat Nov 24, 2012 10:06 pm 
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Hi Jolly

I can completley understand where you are coming from. My oh has a high sex drive and mine has always been so so! He is always on a me saying he is deprived and that he should also have it a least twice a week and calls me boring. He is always trying it on and like you I think back off! Before I got pregnant my sex lived soared hence why I am in the position I am in now Laughing but unfortunately I just don't get the urge, but I am also like this when I am not pregnant.

You do sound though like you have a lot of stress in your life so I can see why you would prefer a good nights sleep than a wild session of sex!

Let me know how the counselling goes as we have spoke about this before, but I also felt embarrased. xx
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youcanhumpmyleg
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Posted: Sun Nov 25, 2012 10:08 am 
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once every ten days sounds fine to me Very Happy we are tired most nights and plus i work till 9 sometimes so last thing i wanna do is jump my OH lol !! his sex drive is the same as mine we have it once every ten days or even twice a month lol !!! i do enjoy it tho Wink lol maby having counselling would help just so u can tell him how you feel x
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xxHeathxx
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Posted: Sun Nov 25, 2012 6:14 pm 
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We're the same, my sex drive isn't massive and I'm sure OH would like it more. Can you not try pleasing him in other ways a bit more often rather than actually having sex. That's what I do now if I can't be bothered Laughing
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DL05
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Posted: Mon Nov 26, 2012 8:06 am 
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We tend to only BD on weekends normally Embarassed Laughing just because we're both knackered during the week, and I don't think every 10 days is that surprising with all that you have on your plate, and I definately agree that NOTHING is more of a turn off than a man constantly asking for sex Rolling Eyes Mad
My ex would do that and it just made me not want to Confused (its just one of the reasons he's an ex Laughing ) do men not realise that doing something nice for you ,or something to ease the burden would be far more likely to make you want to have sex with them Rolling Eyes maybe the counselling would be a good idea so you can tell him that having him on at you all the time is a huge turn off Question
On the other hand I think once you settle into a pattern of having sex less you actually want it less Question
Me and the OH have always had a good sex life (sorry for the TMI) but a few years ago I had issues down below with allergies and for about 18 months it was so painful to have sex we got down to about once a month and I'd have to use local anaesthetic cream first , total passion killer Rolling Eyes Laughing and after I finally got the problem sorted and was back to normal I just couldn't be bothered , so to be honest sometimes I did it when I wasn't really up for it at first , but the more we did the more I wanted to do it Question
I know sometimes I'd still rather just have a hug (althought they always seem to turn into something more in this house Shocked Laughing ) but sex does make you feel closer as a couple, maybe thats what your OH is missing as much as the actual act ? but being a man he just can't put it into words Question xx
Jolly
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Posted: Mon Nov 26, 2012 9:27 am 
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Thanks Angeldelight, we're not going to get to the counselling unfortunately as we find it very difficult to get a babysitter and also a mother-sitter! So we'll have to keep going as we are for now and try not to fight about it too much! Thanks for your support ladies! X
AngelDelight wrote:
Hi Jolly

I can completley understand where you are coming from. My oh has a high sex drive and mine has always been so so! He is always on a me saying he is deprived and that he should also have it a least twice a week and calls me boring. He is always trying it on and like you I think back off! Before I got pregnant my sex lived soared hence why I am in the position I am in now Laughing but unfortunately I just don't get the urge, but I am also like this when I am not pregnant.

You do sound though like you have a lot of stress in your life so I can see why you would prefer a good nights sleep than a wild session of sex!

Let me know how the counselling goes as we have spoke about this before, but I also felt embarrased. xx

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