subsequent babies.. not excited??

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XxAvasmummyxX
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Posted: Thu Dec 06, 2012 1:53 pm 
Post subject: subsequent babies.. not excited??
Ok so this baby was very much planned and very much wanted but as awful as it sounds.. I'm not I'm the slightest bit excited anymore. I was when I first found out but like I'm not even looking forward to my scan next week. Is this normal?
I was excited the whole way through with Ava but this baby I don't really feel anything. I never been one of those mums that loves the baby while I'm pregnancy as I can't comprehend there's a baby in there so that doesn't bother me, that's normal for me but I thought I would have been more excited with the baby being planned this time. The only plus side about me not being bothered anymore is time is going really quick. I am just worried I won't love this baby as much as my daughter. Please sent judge as this is just how I feel. Just need to know if anyone has ever had the same feelings.[/b]
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MrsOz
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Posted: Thu Dec 06, 2012 2:04 pm 
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could it be because you have been quite poorly this time?

I didn't bond with my first so we took every step to ensure I bonded this time, but it only kicked in during the later stages. I couldn't even look at pictures of new borns until at least week 26 - and both of mine very planned for.

Hopefully you will get more excited later on

xx
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XxAvasmummyxX
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Posted: Thu Dec 06, 2012 2:37 pm 
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Maybe it is because I've been really ill. It was only last week that they finally diagnosed me with HG. And I also didn't bind with Ava during the pregnancy so I was hoping this time would have been different. It's upsetting me the fact I'm nit bothered. Perhaps I'm just feeling a bit hormonal atm and all the crying and being ill isn't helping. What helped you to bond this time around? Xx
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MrsOz
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Posted: Thu Dec 06, 2012 2:54 pm 
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Not sure... this time we found out what we were having (and was prepared to pay to go private if needed), named her early on and I forced myself into buying clothes for her. We also talked a lot about her as a member of the family with Evie, so that Evie would bond too, which I think helped. I had a [*CENSORED*] pregnancy again this time round (which ended up with pre-eclampsia and kidney failure) but I made sure I pushed my feelings aside to focus on the little life inside me.

Having read your other post, maybe you are also supressing your feelings more so you don't get upset if your family make negative comments, could you be protecting yourself from the hurt they might give you?
Very few people can really afford another child, and there is often no convenient time, but with babies you just have to do it and feel blessed.
I am glad that they have found out why you are so ill rather than telling you to get on with it - isn't that what Kate Middleton is in hospital with?

xx
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Posted: Thu Dec 06, 2012 3:29 pm 
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Yeh I think the worry of my family reaction is playing a part for sure. I've been in tears all day dreading having to tell them.

I had kidney failure with Ava as it happens lol was agony but luckily the some how recovered after Ava was born. Haven't had any kidney problems this time round but then again it didn't start until 16 weeks with Ava.

See I was going to keep this baby a secret but I think finding out the sex will help me bond but still undecided. Might just geta 4d scan and keep the sex a secret still.

And yeh it's what Kate Middleton has. Its starting to get better though now and I'm not throwing up as much but still feel really sick all day everyday. I really hope it goes eventually. Doctors said most women feel better after 14-16 weeks so not long now xx
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steph181
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Posted: Thu Dec 06, 2012 4:38 pm 
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i didnt really start to feel excited until after my scan, because then it felt more real.
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XxAvasmummyxX
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Posted: Thu Dec 06, 2012 9:46 pm 
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I think it's because I know I cant do the whole nursery thing lol ah well tbf you learn from the first baby that half the stuff is a waste of money. I'm sure I'll feel different once I have my scan. Only 6 days to go now.. it has gone scarily fast! Xx
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KathG
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Posted: Thu Dec 06, 2012 10:56 pm 
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I wouldnt feel bad about how you feel, you cant help it. It sounds that the added stress from the worry of how your family might be as well as the stress of feeling so sick is stopping you from being excited. Being pregnant is amazing and a beautiful thing but its also hardwork and a lot on your body so its only natuaral to feel a bit hormonal and stressed. I think maybe the first time round everything is new and exciting so maybe thats why you felt happier then. Second time round you are bussier with a LO already and more aware of the responsibility and added work load motherhood brings (not taking away from how fab and wonderful it is but its hardwork too). I am sure the given time you will love this LO as much as you love your daughter. Dont feel bad about not being on cloud 9 24/7. good luck for the rest of your pregnancy.
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Zee81
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Posted: Fri Dec 07, 2012 10:35 pm 
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I've found it very different this time round, I actually feel bad that I don't feel like i've bonded with baby/bump as much as I did with Oliver (my first)
I worried a lot too in the early days due to previous ectopic and m/c so I didn't bond early on either as I didn't want to get close incase it got taken away from me again Crying or Very sad

When I had the 20wk scan and found out it was a wee girl I was over the moon and started buying all little bits and imagining her in them.
Generally though, I think when you already have a baby/kids to care for you don't have as much time to spend day dreaming as you do with your first lol..but it'll kick in soon enough.

Just a shame my little girl isn't as keen to meet me as I am of her now Rolling Eyes Laughing
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Posted: Sat Dec 08, 2012 8:16 am 
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Yeh I was going to keep baby a secret but I might find out as I feel it will definitely help me bond better. Plus I can feel more in control with preparing.. I'm a bit ocd when it comes to organising things and my worst fear is wasting time washing up all of avas old clothes and then having a boy Laughing I would rather know so I can go out and get boy stuff. Xx
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wannaBmummy
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Posted: Sat Dec 08, 2012 5:26 pm 
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I think this is quite normal Hun, it's only just the last week or so that it has sunk in that I am having another! I think that's mainly because I have. Een sorting through the baby things. Nothing is as exciting and. We as it was last time, especially as I was so sick this time so I found it hard to get as excited.
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XxAvasmummyxX
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Posted: Sat Dec 08, 2012 5:41 pm 
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I'm so glad it's normal. I'm looking forward to the scan now, only 4 sleeps away lol granted I'm not as excited as I was with Ava but I think its because I know what to expect. I am curious to see if it will look different on the scan with Ava. I've decided I'm going to find out what I'm having this time too just because I want the enjoyment of organising stuff and knowing I'm prepared lol I have a gut feeling it's a boy for some reason.. mind you everyone thinks girl because of the sickness, but I don't really believe in all those old wives tales even though they are fun xx
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