Posted: Tue Dec 18, 2012 8:18 pm
Post subject: 2 natural deliveries, EMCS and then VBAC?
Ok girls, help me!
I had 2 natural deliveries and then had an emergency section for my third child 4 weeks ago. He was totally fine, we think the drip was turned up too high - the pessary was working (contractions motoring on well) so they shouldn't have even gone to drip. Think they just expected it to be quicker given it was my third so were trying to speed me along.
SOOOOOO, my sister-in-law had her first child today, 2 days overdue. She is very petite (I am not large at all but she makes me feel that I am, if you know what i mean?) and she had her son today at 8.15am weighing 8lb 5oz, only a minor tear. She only felt nauseous in the night, went to toilet at 7am, saw a little blood, went to hospital, was ready to push!
Now, I am in no way wishing her any ill (love her to bits) but I think the news has triggered a release of the trauma and disappointment I feel about my experience. I have been so upset today, I mean to the point where I thought about harming myself (never have before ) I didn't and called my mum to talk about it so at least I am not bottling it up.
And now I am calm, I am thinking I should have a 4th child in about 2 years time!
Is this just a knee-jerk reaction do you think? Wanting a VBAC to 'prove' I can do it again? What do you think?
Is it normal to feel this gutted? Why should I be as my baby is fine? My wound isn't healing very well (just finished antibiotics) and don't feel like a great mum to the three I already have but I suspect that's because I am not allowed to drive for a change of scene (obviously they are clean, fed and loved!).
So, Please be nice but do you think it's my hormones wanting another (we only ever really thought about 3, though nothing permanent has been done)?
Has anyone had a VBAC after EMCS but had natural deliveries before?
WHat was the preganany like? Any complications like extra pain from scar stretching???
Maybe this will blow over but I just needed to rant, a bit emotional, thanks xx
Posted: Tue Dec 18, 2012 8:32 pm
I think the way you are feeling is totally natural. Youre perhaps feeling like something was taken away almost and also wouldnt have been expecting it with 2 previous normal deliveries. I would feel the same i think. I had a relativeky easy forst time labour but im scared to death to have a emcs with this one. I think given all the circumstances your feelings are normal. You have only just had a baby 4 weeks ago! Your hormones will still be all iver the place. As for vbac it is possible. My mums freind had a normal birth then a c section then a nornal birth again. I would personally let you feelings settle before considering another baby as you may feel different once the wounds emotuonally and physically have healed. I really hope you feel better soon and totally sympathise with how you feel as we all have an idea of how our births will go and when they dont go how we imagined it can eat us up. Try not to let it get to you too much. Time will heal how you feel hun xx
Posted: Wed Dec 19, 2012 11:19 am
Sorry to say this... but I am pleased i am not the only one feeling this way... makes me feel that I am not the only one.
I am gutted I only made it to 35 weeks before my ECS (full story in birth announcements) especially after having an easy first birth delivery. I too have said things about having another baby so i can do it properly next time (OH has put his foot down to, considering my risks). I didn't even get to experience labour this time so when peole say 'well done' I feel like a complete fraud. Childbirth should be natural and easy but for us it just didn't happen... at times I feel like a failure as a woman, that i can't even get this right.
Could you speak to someone to discuss the process of the section so that it is clearer in your head? Even a nurse or a doctor that you can express how you feel, as i am sure that they would have seen this many times. Esp if you are thinking about harming yourself (I am back on ADs which I am gutted about, but it's the best thing for me and my family). I am joining the special baby unit / prem group next year in the hope that I can talk about how I feel, but your HV / GP may know where you can go to talk about how you feel.
Please don't suffer alone, and I think avasmummy has made some great points too that you need to recover first before thinking and planning for your next baby
Posted: Wed Dec 19, 2012 7:26 pm
Thankyou both so much for taking the time to reply, I really appreciate it.
I reached a really low point yesterday and was able to vent a bit on here and din't do anything stupid except drink 2 glasses of wine. I managed to open up a lot more to my husband last night about eveything and it has helped a bit. He has said we can dicuss a 4th child in 2-3 years time if I still feel the same way. So that's good, he has been really supportive and even if he is just agreeing with me and knows I will change my mind, at least he isn't saying so!
I shall keep talking to people and try not to let it get on top of me.
Didn't help that my sis-in-law texted today saying how chuffed she was it was so easy. Happy she is ok but how insensitive to send that to me!
Anyway, thanks again. Glad I don't make you feel alone Mrs OZ. Good luck with everything.
And you too with your pregnancy Avasmummy.
Posted: Wed Dec 19, 2012 11:53 pm
I feel exactly the same way. I found out I have a bicornuate uterus shortly after falling pregnant as I bled. Since that moment I was treated like [*@!#%*]. Never informed on anything, coersed into a section and the treatment in hospital was shocking! I've since discovered I could have had my daughter naturally but would have needed a doctor to deliver and felt they just couldn't be arsed!
Completely ruined it for me xx
Posted: Fri Dec 21, 2012 8:52 am
I was gutted after having a section for my 5th after 4 natural births , it wasn't an emergency one I had placenta preavia and had been in hosptial with complications for 6 weeks so I had been prepared for it, well thought I was but was very upset and emotional afterwards even though I had no doubt it was medically necessary , it actually sent me the other way and I never wanted to get pregnant again bUT THEN MET MY oh AFTER GETTING DIVORCED AND WE DECIDED TO HAVE A BABY TOGETHER, i WAS DESPERATE FOR A vbac EVEN WENT AS FAR AS A HOME BIRTH TO AVOID THE DOCTORS AND THE CHANCE OF THEM BULLYING ME INTO A SECTION, WELL WATERS BROKE AT 38 WEEKS AND MIDWIVES CAME OUT SHORTLY AFTER TO DISCOVER i WAS 4-5CMS AND BABY WAS BREECH (sorry caps lock was on ) well long story short was bundled into an ambulance on the pretext of needing a scan to check exact position and once at hospital was bullied into a section by a very overly dramatic SHO who i'm sure just didn't want to wake his consultant at 5am so I could have a natural birth was totally gutted after as i'm certain I could have delivered no problems and felt like you said that I somehow needed to prove I could have a VBAC
The VBAC stats are quite good, pretty much the same as for any woman in labour, but often its the doctors you have to fight against as sometimes the attitude is its easier for them to section you again rather than give you extra care in labour I wouldn't rush into another pregnancy until you feel better about what happened,
I had my youngest 2yrs after my 2nd section, again planned a natural birth, had support from the doctors that time (german hospital) unfortunately best laid plans and all that my waters went at 33 weeks they tried to delay labour, I got an infection then wasn't dilating fast enough, baby distressed, another section, emergency this time, so gutted I agreed when the doc asked me if I wanted to be sterilised on the way into theatre,as I felt in the spur of the moment that I couldn't face going through all that again, worst thing I ever did
It's not the case for most women and over 70% go on to have a VBAC , but just try and remember , for one you didn't fail , the doctors failed you , and secondly you could end up with another section for a completely unrelated reason and that could make you feel worse if you haven't got over this experience first . Talk about how you're feeling though, don't let it bottle up inside you , I did after my second section and it just made me feel worse , and I found people saying things like well at least your baby is ok made me want to scream as of course you want a healthy baby but when you know you could have had that with a natural birth as well then why should you be made to feel guilty for wanting that xxx
Posted: Fri Dec 21, 2012 8:14 pm
Nat, thanks so much for sharing your experiences,. You make a very good point I should factor in how I would feel if the next one went the same way. I do feel like the midwife /doc failed me. I know they made the only decision they could at the time we went to section but the run up to. it should have been very different. I should have trusted myself more. I kept saying the contractions didn't feel right. My husband is a doctor and he feels guilty he didn't insist on some things. But you trust everyone don't you?
However, things are,'n'helped by my section wound simply not healing. It isn't infected but it is still open and very sore so i have to get it sorted or a slow healing wound may mean an even bigger scar or worse.
One thing at a time then .
Thanks again ladies, x
Posted: Sat Dec 22, 2012 11:20 am
I don't post here very often anymore, but I just had to reply to this post as its exactly how I feel about both my boys' births. Harry was born by EMCS after I got to five cms after being induced at term plus 14days. I also had a bad scar infection and was on anti biotics for that. I managed to breastfeed for four months which I was pleased about and when I got pregnant again I wanted to be able to do the same. I wanted a vbac and I'd heard so many success stories as my friends had been through them I was really positive about it. I went into labour naturally at term plus 2days, had him two days later but I had to have another EMCS as I wasn't dilating AT ALL but my waters had gone so they had to deliver him. When he was born he was all cold so needed monitoring. 2 days later we were allowed to go home, two weeks later I was back in hospital (various reasons), too ill to have Thomas in with me :'( I tried expressing and feeding him when mum or oh brought him to visit, but I was also on anti biotics when I came back out again, I was on them for a month and they caused thrush. I had to stopped breastfeeding him after 7 weeks and thats when everything just hit me with a tonne of bricks and I just felt so low and upset at everything. You do need to talk to your OH or another member of your family about how you feel as I kept it bottled up and my oh didnt understand what was wrong with me as I was so angry all the time. I'd read birth stories from my friends and think god that sounds just like what I wanted, why did go through what I went through twice!! It does feel better to tell someone though, I've started to feel better now, you might even find that you feel a bit better now that you have told us You're not alone in how you feel though I hope you know that. xxxxxxxxxx
Posted: Sat Dec 29, 2012 8:36 am
I hope your wounds healing now , I found I constantly went over things at first and wished I'd made different decisions,I was even angry at myself for giving in to the docs pressure but hindsights a wonderful thing, and you do put trust in the doctors and midwives, but at the end of the day they're only human too and can also make mistakes in the heat of the moment,
I think the anger is very destructive though as SemoandHaribo said , talking helped me get rid of the angry feelings too the worst thing you can do is keep it bottled up xxx