Posted: Tue Dec 18, 2012 12:14 pm
Post subject: bed time advice please.
Ok so amelia is almost three now and for the past year atleast she will hardly let anyone else put her to bed, we have always had the same routine, bath, bed, story, sleep, and as much as I love this and appreciate it as our special quiet time together I really feel bad on my partner (her dad) as she will rarely let him put her to bed! Iv tried bringing him into the room while we are getting ready for bed and reading the story but she normally just kicks off at him, once in a blue moon he can put her to bed with little or no fuss! I feel really bad on him, it wasn't intended to be like this and I understand he had worked more than I have so she has probably got used to me more at bed time ect but surely its not like this for everyone? Its even effecting her staying at her nan and grandads as she won't go bed for them on a few occasions I have had to go up and get her to sleep, I said if she carries on doing it then she won't be stayin any more, that's obviously what I don't want I'm just running out of ideas, any advice would be lovely, sorry for the extra long post! Xxx
Posted: Tue Dec 18, 2012 9:30 pm
Hi cant give any advice I'm afraid, just saying I'm in the same boat! From the beginning I have put my little boy to bed and we both really enjoy the bedtime routine. If he wakes in the night its me that goes to him and now he freaks out if my husband goes to him at night as he thinks it means I'm not there and he will cry and shout out for mummy.
I can see how thid has happened as my husband works shifts and often works nights, I knew more what I was doing with bedtime routine and was a bit of a control freak at the start with it all cos he slept 12 hours straight through from 10 weeks old, so didnt want to rock the boat! Now he only associates my husband with fun and playing and will not have anyone but me put him to bed.
Problem is, Im going to be going on a hen night over night in a few months and am dreading it. Maybe if I'm not there all day, he will accept my husband at night, but I really hate the thought of him crying for me and not being there. He's only 18 months old, so cant even explain it to him.
I dont know anyone else in this position, so nice to hear I'm not alone! All my friends with children seem to be able to go out whenever they wnat and let anyone put the baby to bed!
Posted: Wed Dec 19, 2012 11:27 am
Its quite an awkward position to be in isn't it, even though u love doing the whole bed time routine, just one night off every now an again wud feel amazin! I'm trying to explain it to amelia, as iv got a party on boxin day (first and last night out of the year! Ha) and my mum has said she will have her, but if she doesn't go to sleep straight away my mum rings me an puts amelia on the phone an I hate having to hear her cry! Amelias the same with her dad once in a blue moon he can put her to bed with little fuss, he's always worked shifts an stuff too, its confused me more when she does kick off at my mums as she sees her nan and grandad a lot as we live quite close, I'd understand if it was my partners mum as she has only seen her about 4times this year and they have all ended in tears, and seeing her that little isn't my choice his mum is always too busy looking after all her other grankids to even arrange to meet up at a park or play centre so iv gave up as bad as it sounds. My mum seems to think she's just at the age where she is missing me so I'm praying its just a slight phase! Haha some phase it would be if she misses me when she stays out but just shouts at me when she's home lol! I'm gunna do a test run type thing again, my mum had her a week or so ago an she didn't go sleep til well past 10 after crying on the phone to me fingers crossed we can crack this! An trust me ur definately not the only one lol xxx
Posted: Wed Dec 19, 2012 12:08 pm
I'm in the same boat ladies!! If I'm not in then LO will happily let OH put her to bed, they follw the same routine and she is absolutely fine......if I'm in the house and try not putting her to bed then all hell breaks loose!
Out bedtime routine includes a 20 minute snuggle on our bed with a story so I do like the quality time but I'd also just like a night off occasionally! Its weird because she will have story time with her dad so I can get away with doing my own little thing but as soon as its time to actually get into bed its me she wants!
So obviously no advice or ideas from but I will be very curious to see what anyone else might suggest.
Posted: Wed Dec 19, 2012 2:22 pm
Glad to hear Im not the only one who has got myself into this situation! Although I justify it to myself because I think the reason he is such a consistently good sleeper is because he feels so secure that I am always there for him when he needs me and not confused by lots of different routines.
I always used to put him to bed first then go out, but last time decided to keep him up so he could see me go and let his dad put him to bed. It was a disaster!! I wrote down the whole bedtime routine for him and he followed it to the letter, all fine until he put him in the cot and said goodnight, then all hell broke loose! Poor little thing didnt sleep til 9.30, through exhaustion and the next 3 or 4 nights kept waking up in the night and just wanting me with him (think he was checking I hadnt left again) felt so guilty!!
Although, my mum has successfully put him to bed once, without any tears. I knew he would miss me so just told her to read his story, then instead of putting him in the cot, hold him and talk to him til he's asleep. He was at her house so different room and travel cot and he was fine. So maybe making it different is the key instead of trying to get someone else to do what mummy does. Maybe when they do the same routine with someone else it reminds them that mummy is not there? Maybe they need to have their own little routine with daddy or nanny that they can look forward to occasionally??
Lucy - I am in the same boat and have given up trying to get my in laws to spend time with my little boy, they're too interested in their work and social life! It doesnt sound bad at all that you have given up, I completely get it!