Problem having sex (way TMI)

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jennaxhx
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Posted: Sat Jan 05, 2013 9:33 pm 
Post subject: Problem having sex (way TMI)
Hi ladies i'm sorry i'm posting this. I'm mortified that i am but i have no one else to talk to about it and i am really nervous at the thought of discussing it with my GP. Basically for the past 3 or 4 years, sex has been so painful in that when my OH goes to penetrate me, my vagina feels way too tight, no matter how much foreplay, how much i am turned on, or how much i try to relax. For the first couple of years of our relationship (and before meeting OH) i was fine and had absolutely no issue with sex. But then as far as i can remember, one day it just changed, and since giving birth it seems to have got 10 times worse. We only have sex once every 6-8 weeks now and this problem is a big factor in it for me. My OH is always making comments that i don't want to have sex with him (which isnt true) and that he thinks i'm cheating on him cos he cant understand how i can go so long without sex without bothering about it.
When we have sex, to start he usually has to force it in because of how tight it is and afterwards, i am always cut.
Its worrying me that there is something wrong with me. Obviously i know its not normal, but i'm worried in case there is something really serious wrong but the thought of going to my doctor makes me feel sick.
Please, is there anyone else who has had any similar experience, even if you want to PM me if you are too embarassed to reply here.
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Clairebell29
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Posted: Sat Jan 05, 2013 9:48 pm 
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I hate to say it but I think you really need to go and see your Doctor. See a female if it makes you feel better.

I have had pain during sex last couple of years not the same as yours, mine is a sharp stabbing pain during deeper penetration but like you it has affected our sex live.

I went to see the doc who did test for various STI and a smear. They tried antibiotics in case it was an infection but no better so got referred to gyne who said may be mild endometriosis and that pregnancy and childbirth can make it better. Was trying for George at the time (little did I know had fell the day before). Pain is still there after birth though, probably worse so went back to docs. Now been to see another gyne at hosp who has referred me for a scan.

It is in embarrassing, Gyne asked what positions it hurt in! He was also at least 5 years my junior! I just thought to myself this is this persons job, he looks at ladies bits all day long so it's no different to a dentist looking in my mouth. Also I want my sex life back, I don't want it to be like this forever.

Please pluck up the courage and go to the doctor. If your OH had a problem with his bits and wouldn't go how would you feel.
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xxOliverAndMaxsMummy
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Posted: Sat Jan 05, 2013 10:42 pm 
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Only option is to go to your doc. They've heard worse than what you're going to tell them

Terri xx
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XxAvasmummyxX
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Posted: Sun Jan 06, 2013 12:59 pm 
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For me it was the same until I became pregnant with this baby. I went doctors and there was nothing they could do, just told me to use lots of lube and take it slow Confused xx
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wannaBmummy
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Posted: Sun Jan 06, 2013 1:38 pm 
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I would deffinately go to see a doctor, you can ask to see a female if yours isn't already and I am sure they have dealt with worse/more complicated situations. It's nothing to be embarrassed about at all. Did u tear/have stitches when u gave birth? It could be something easily sorted.

Avasmummy -from many of your other posts you have talked A LOT about how active your sex life with your oh is,how you are always having sex, the positions you use etc, so I would fun it quite insulting if I was brave enough to post for advice about a personal situation for someone to belittle it by claiming they have exactly the same and 'nothing can be done' when it's clearly not true. Just my opinion.
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jennaxhx
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Posted: Sun Jan 06, 2013 2:17 pm 
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Thanks for the replies ladies. You're right, i'll need to just suck it up and go to the doc but hoping to get some experiences or idea of what could be wrong too. I didn't have stitches or tearing after giving birth or i would prob have put it down to that. And AvaMummy, if the doc tells me to just take things slow and use lube they'll be getting told that that will make no difference to my situation x
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RacheynHarry
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Posted: Sun Jan 06, 2013 3:25 pm 
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Jenna, I dont want this to sound nasty because it is no way meant that way, but do you think that although you want to have sex, there is a little bit in your mind that is tense because you are worried about the pain therefore making it a bit more painful? I just remember seeing a random programme on discovery about a woman who couldnt have sex because it was too painful and she went to 'sex therapy' with her OH and they taught her how to relax and eventually she was able to have sex without pain.

Im not saying its all in your head, I would definately get it checked over by a doctor cause you never know what might be the cause, it was just something I saw once.
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keltru
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Posted: Sun Jan 06, 2013 4:18 pm 
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This sounds a little bit like something called vaginismus. My friend suffers with it and its usually something that sex therapy helps. One of my colleagues is a psychotherapist and specialises in post-natal illness but deals with problems like this as well. Could it be that part of pregnancy or multiple vaginal examinations has affected you in some way psychologically? X x
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RacheynHarry
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Posted: Sun Jan 06, 2013 4:22 pm 
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Ahhh keltru, I couldnt think of the name of it. Its what I meant though lol
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keltru
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Posted: Sun Jan 06, 2013 4:35 pm 
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Just found loads of info on t'internet about it and it has many different causes. I really think you should look into it and see your doctor. It's always embarrassing talking to doctors about lady bits but they've heard it all before many times and to them it's just another part of your body. X x
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Zee81
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Posted: Sun Jan 06, 2013 4:51 pm 
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I remember watching a documentry a while ago about it so its not uncommon hun. The best thing is to talk to your partner and the gp will be able to refer you to the right people/help. X
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jennaxhx
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Posted: Sun Jan 06, 2013 5:32 pm 
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I've heard of that before and thought that could be my problem but the thing is ,there have been times where i have been totally relaxed, fully "ready to go" Embarassed then when it comes to doing it, its still a tight although it has been less tight than usual maybe. So i dunno Confused I suppose even then a part of my brain could be subconsciously tensing my body. I'll definitely need to get up to my doctor x
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XxAvasmummyxX
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Posted: Sun Jan 06, 2013 5:56 pm 
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wannaBmummy wrote:
I would deffinately go to see a doctor, you can ask to see a female if yours isn't already and I am sure they have dealt with worse/more complicated situations. It's nothing to be embarrassed about at all. Did u tear/have stitches when u gave birth? It could be something easily sorted.

Avasmummy -from many of your other posts you have talked A LOT about how active your sex life with your oh is,how you are always having sex, the positions you use etc, so I would fun it quite insulting if I was brave enough to post for advice about a personal situation for someone to belittle it by claiming they have exactly the same and 'nothing can be done' when it's clearly not true. Just my opinion.


I do have an acyive sex life.. but it was genuinely extremely painful from after I gave birth with ava up until i fell pregnant with this one, I even bled often. I never claimed it was exactly the same just that the symptoms she described was the same for me personally and doctors didnt do anything and made me feel a bit silly. and to be honest when I talk about positions etc it has always been from when i was pregnant with my daughter as my sex drive was mental at that point and also sex wasnt painful back then.

All the doctor did say was the painful sex was due to the scar tissue as it can be quite tight.. i guess since being pregnant again my hormones have made everything supple again. Please dont insult me or accuse me of belittling anyone as Im not a b itch and thats the last thing i was doing.
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XxAvasmummyxX
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Posted: Sun Jan 06, 2013 6:00 pm 
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jennaxhx wrote:
Thanks for the replies ladies. You're right, i'll need to just suck it up and go to the doc but hoping to get some experiences or idea of what could be wrong too. I didn't have stitches or tearing after giving birth or i would prob have put it down to that. And AvaMummy, if the doc tells me to just take things slow and use lube they'll be getting told that that will make no difference to my situation x


I was upset when they told me this as it made no difference, I have never needed lube to be fair anyway. I hope the doctor is more helpful for you. They can prescribe estrogen cream for some women, I requested this and the doctor claimed there was no such thing.. funny because I saw it on embarrassing bodies for a women in a similar situation and it made a massive difference for her xx
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keltru
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Posted: Sun Jan 06, 2013 8:05 pm 
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Hun the vaginismus is an involuntary thing so sometimes even if your majorly relaxed and ready, your body will take over. Search the Internet Hun cos there's loads of things that cause it its not all psychological. X x
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