Posted: Mon Jan 07, 2013 9:42 pm
Post subject: To have another baby or not to have another baby
Hi, i have a beautiful baby boy and it was our intentions to have another baby soon after he was born. However our baby is deaf and will have trouble with listening and his speech. If we have another baby there's a 1 in 2 chance that they'll have no or limited hearing. I'd really like our baby to have a brother or sister, however i do find him very hard work as he is a very demanding baby and have to spend a lot of time with him trying to help him with his listening skills. I'm almost certain that i don't want to have another baby myself due to a 50% chance they'll be deaf but have been considering adoption. However i don't know how much i actually want another baby to look after as i find the lovely baby i have hard work (although he's lovely). But i feel selfish as my baby will go through childhood with no brothers or sisters or won't have a brother or sister as an adult and will be all alone when we're no longer here. I come from a big family and would have been lost without my brothers and sisters as a child and as an adult.
I need to make a decision soon as we're in our late 30s.
Sorry it's a long post but what are your views on this.
Posted: Mon Jan 07, 2013 10:03 pm
personally I'd say don't have another baby just so your current one has a sibling however I don't think its as cut and dried as that. Have you considered councelling to help you come to terms with the hand that has been dealt, I feel you are actually battling yourself and how you are coping.
No matter how many children you have its hard works and I think we all have days when we feel we don't cope that well.
Good luck whatever you decide. xxx
Posted: Mon Jan 07, 2013 10:09 pm
Just one question what's the rush to make the decision? Your little boy is still very young. Couldn't you give it another year or so and then decide. You may feel very differently about everything then.
I understand your anxiety about having another deaf child and I couldn't begin to understand how hard it must be for you but surely a deaf child can also be a happy one? A child can be demanding whether they are deaf or not and another child may well be the same or completely different.
If you want to go with adoption it can take quite a while so your little boy would be quite a bit older by the time another Baby came on the scene. the other option you have is to adopt an older child. My best friends auntie and uncle recently adopted a six year old and after a settling in period things have worked out really well for them and he is a very happy little boy.
I have also been thinking about whether I want another due to the constant when are you going to have another question. I am enjoying George at the moment and have decided just to see where life takes us.
Posted: Thu Jan 10, 2013 10:47 am
Clairebell I like your sentence 'a deaf child can be a happy one'. With regards to wanting to make a decision about another baby fairly soon is because I'd like the baby to be not much younger than my LO plus I'd want a baby before I'm too old.
Really the question is will my baby be lonely if he's an only child. He'll be all alone when we go on holiday and when he's older he won't have a brother or sister to spend time with. However I'm not sure I can look after 2 children as I found this baby very hard during the first 7 months. Am also worried the 2nd child would be deaf (50 50 chance they would be) so would likely adopt a child if we did.
It's a really difficult decision for me.
Posted: Thu Jan 10, 2013 11:24 am
A sibling may well be very good for you lo developmentally and I know a lot of only children long for a brother or sister. That said some with brothers and sisters probably would prefer to be an only child!
I think that you should do it because it's what you want and for no other reason.
Posted: Thu Jan 10, 2013 11:33 am
My son has grown up an only child and he has found it lonely, I really feel for him that he hasnt had those sibling relationships. Obviously our situation is different and not through lack of trying but even if we do have another child now he will be 13 at least and has missed out. Ultimately you are the only person who can answer the question, what does your gut instinct say?
Ttc since December 2007!
Posted: Thu Jan 10, 2013 12:27 pm
I was an only child and looking back it was miserable. I was a difficult child according to my mum and thats why she didnt have anymore.. that hurt in all honesty. Now she has 3 children with another man and that just makes it worse in my opinion.
I am having another baby solely because I want to give ava a full blood brother or sister to grow up with and share memories with. I dont think its a bad reason to have another, we all choose to have children for many different reasons.
I dont know what to suggest, its what feels right for you, I say go with your heart not with your head because following your head can often lead to regret i think xx
Posted: Thu Jan 10, 2013 5:21 pm
Hi. Even if you have another child and he/she is also deaf, it could be alot easier, one simply because you will have been through it all with your first LO, but the child might be totally different and a very easy baby.
Do what feels right for you. If you want another child, then go for it, if you don't then don't have one "just" to give your LO a sibling. I can't imagine growing up without my brother and sister, DH is an only child and absolutely hated it (but I think that was more because of his parents then because he didn't have a sibling). I know lots of people with no siblings, some hated it and some loved it. Each situation is unique.