NEED SOME ADVICE - UNHAPPY

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curlywurlysue
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Posted: Thu Jan 24, 2013 9:27 am 
Post subject: NEED SOME ADVICE - UNHAPPY
Hi there
I need some advice from you ladies as you have helped me before. My partner and I have been together about 10 years next month. We have a lo who is 3 in May and she is our world. But I think having problems conceiving, IVF, money worries, partner giving up smoking and his father dying about a year ago and a possible loss of a job this year has taken its toll on our relationship. We dont have sex (we havent for about 2 years) there is affection but nothing sexual. He has now been sleeping on the sofa for last 6 months or so we have had chats about stuff and it always ends in tears and us saying we will try harder with everything to keep us together. I asked him last night are not coming to bed tonight and he
replied 'no i dont feel comfortable doing that i am not happy about it but thats the way it is' i then said does this mean you will never share the bed he replied 'i am not sure' i then just went to bed miffed AGAIN.........i really do think its the end of the road. He took me to work this morning and asked me if i was ok??? Couldnt even be bothered to reply...Sad
so i just wondered if anybody knows the legal side of splitting up when you both have a joint mortgage and child together.
thankyou very much
sue
sweetpea24
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Posted: Thu Jan 24, 2013 9:43 am 
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I'm sorry to this. Unfortunately I don't live in the UK, so don't know any of the rules there.

Would you partner be interested in some counselling? Esp since you both have been through so much recently, would put a damper on anyone's relationship.

Big hug.
xxx
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curlywurlysue
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Posted: Thu Jan 24, 2013 9:54 am 
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its been on/off so much i cant keep acting everything is okay. The reason i am asking is due to us not being married either. And i have really tried talking to him but i get a brick wall as i actually think he is quite depressed about his father and maybe a loss of his job this year hanging over our heads. I feel stuck???
sweetpea24
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Posted: Thu Jan 24, 2013 9:57 am 
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Hm, is there a close family member or friend that could perhaps talk to him? At least as far as possible depression is concerned? When someone is depressed it has such a huge impact on everything else.
Would you be interested in counselling? And if you told OH that you wanted you both to go? What do you mean you feel stuck? You don't know where to start or you are stuck in the relationship and would like to leave?
I wish relationships were easy.... We've just finished a bad rough patch and I hope that we don't go there again. So hard. xxx
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curlywurlysue
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Posted: Thu Jan 24, 2013 11:01 am 
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I have instigated a fair few chats to see where we both stand. But i have tread carefully as i either get aggressively shouted at as he goes off like a bottle of pop, as i know he is under alot stress with his work. I dont really want to break up but we cant carry on like
we are at the moment. Something has to give and i think my lo actually picked up on his not really talking this morning which i found upsetting when she didnt want to stay at nursery this morning.
so i suppose i will have to see how things are this evening......
nutty1
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Posted: Thu Jan 24, 2013 11:21 am 
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Are you still in love with him ? and do you still want to be with him? I think thats the first thing you need to ask yourself and then I think you need to ask him the same questions. If youre both saying yes then I would be telling him youre not prepared to carry on as things are any more and things will be changing. Counselling I think definately should be thought about. May be worth approaching the subject of depression with him too, suggest a trip to the doctors?

It sounds like one of you needs to take the lead and take some action as youve both become stuck in this cycle that needs to be broken. x
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poppytops
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Posted: Thu Jan 24, 2013 4:11 pm 
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I'm sorry to hear of your relationship problems, I agree with what Nutty asked, you need to find out if your relationship is worth fighting for, relationships are never easy and if he is battling with depression, it makes things so much harder, but if you both feel that it worth another try, alot of patience and work is needed. My father suffered with severe depression and I have several friends who have also, its a long road to recovery but I do know that they needed all the support they could get, even if they said otherwise.

My relationship went through a few bad patches and it always seems to be me who makes the first move to work it out, but it was worth it each time.

If you really feel that splitting up is the only option, then there are plenty of solicitors who give free 20 mins consultations to give you your rights and a point of reference xx
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