Anyone read "The Baby Trap" by Sibel Hodge?

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KazM
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Posted: Sat Jan 26, 2013 11:11 am 
Post subject: Anyone read "The Baby Trap" by Sibel Hodge?
I downloaded on my Kindle recently and it's a really good read. It's fiction but also based on the author's own experiences struggling to have a baby.

I got to a bit the night before last about self-blocking. You're telling yourself it will never happen so you need to imagine having your baby in your arms and believe it will happen one day.

Also, trying to be genuinely happy for others rather than jealous when they get pregnant (relating to Karma).

Might be a load of rubbish but sure it can't hurt to start thinking positively.
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sibelhodge
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Posted: Sun Jan 27, 2013 10:29 am 
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Hi KazM

Oh, wow, thanks so much for buying The Baby Trap! I hope that you find it a fun and uplifting read. I do think that changing our thoughts through positive meditations, mantras, or beliefs can have a beneficial effect on all areas of our lives, not just fertility.

I'd like to share my journey with you, and why I wrote The Baby Trap...

You think becoming a mother is going to be easy, don’t you? After all, how hard could it be? The American Pregnancy Association say that there are 6,000,000 pregnancies every year in the US alone. That’s a lot of babies! You think all you have to do is have sex a couple of times at the “right time of the month” and hey presto, nine months later you should be the proud mother of a beautiful little bundle of joy. It doesn’t always work out like that, though.

It’s ironic for infertile couples that you spend most of your young adult life trying not to get pregnant, and yet when you actually want to get pregnant, you can’t. How annoying is that? Not to mention frustrating, depressing, soul-destroying, and numerous other feelings that I’ve experienced at one time or another in the last ten years.

I was thirty when I started trying for a baby with my hubby, and I tried everything (and then some!) to conceive. Whether I was feng shui-ing the house to death with fertility symbols, throwing out my husband’s tight boxers in favour of baggies, swapping wine and chocolate for green tea and yams, popping fertility drugs like M&M’s, or having sex so precision-timed it made international warfare manoeuvres look unorganized, my life was turned upside down. And when nothing seemed to be working, my quest for the B-word turned into an obsession. I was a raging, hormonal-induced nutter, caught up on a monthly rollercoaster of hope, plunging despair, and a million other feelings all at once. I was no longer me anymore – I changed from a happy, care-free, fun-loving girl into someone I didn’t recognize. In my desperation for that all-consuming quest to get pregnant, I became obsessive, depressed, angry, bitter, resentful (I could go on an on, but I’m sure you get the picture). And the worst part is I thought I was alone. I thought I was the only woman feeling these irrational and crazy feelings. That there was something wrong with me. If I saw babies when I was out shopping, I’d freak out and get depressed. If I saw mothers in the town swearing or shouting at their children, I’d want to go up to them and scream, “Don’t you know how lucky you are?” If an advert for nappies came on the TV, I’d throw the remote control at it (I went through several remotes in those days). When my sister found out she was pregnant, I cried for weeks, feeling the green-eyed monster rear its ugly head. It was so unfair. Why did it happen for so many other people and not for me? Why didn’t I deserve it, too? I didn’t want to be the bitter person I was becoming, but I was powerless to stop it. It’s like your brain is suddenly wired up wrong, and all you can think about it single-train thoughts: Baby, baby, baby.

Here’s another statistic for you by the American Pregnancy Association: Every year in the United States, there are 60,000,000 women in the childbearing years of 15-44. 6,000,000 of these women deal with infertility. Couples with infertility problems are higher than ever. In my family alone, I have three members who also suffered. One of whom, like me, was unable to ever conceive. I bet everyone has a friend, or a friend of a friend, or a family member of who’s been through it, too. The question is why? We have thousands of fertility hospitals and specialists today and yet IVF still only has a low chance in working. Personally, I think that the human race is slowly killing itself. We don’t need global warming, a super volcano, or another ice age to do it. It’s happening right now. We think we’re so advanced, but in pursuit of that advancement, we’re destroying ourselves. Pollution, pesticides, hormones and additives in our food – everything has a knock on effect.

I remember after we’d been trying for about three years and we started researching IVF clinics. I scoured the brochure which listed the fertility treatments they carried out – IVF, ICSI, sperm retrieval, donor eggs – how to optimize your chances of getting pregnant by eating healthily and taking folic acid (yep, knew all about that bit), and the side effects of treatment.

I read it all and felt sick. It sounded horrendous. And, even worse, the chances of it working were pretty slim. I had a 30% chance of getting pregnant, with a possible 24% chance of having a miscarriage if I did. All that and we’d have to pay three thousand pounds to go through it.

But what choice did I have? It was my only hope. It was my final weapon in the infertility war. And it was a war. A war that lasted five years and two attempts at IVF before I finally gave up the treatment. But even though I gave up treatment, I didn’t give up hope that one day I would still be a mother. Oh, no. The hope took a lot longer to go away. It took a really long time for me to get to a place where I was OK with knowing I’d never get pregnant. Eventually, I was lucky enough to find a new direction in my life that gave me something else to think about, and that was writing. I fulfilled a different dream that helped me cope and move on. Now my books are my babies (oh, and my eight rescue cats!), and they saved me from the insanity of infertility!

In 2012 I wrote The Baby Trap, which is based on my own experiences of trying for a baby. I started writing it about five years before but had to stop. It was too raw at the time. When I finally finished it, it was very therapeutic to get it all out there, and it was an important book for me because I wanted other women to know they’re not alone. Telling the story allowed me to express trapped negative emotions and give honour to the memory of my loss. It also has a really important message in the novel for other women going through the same things, and I wanted to share with you some things I learned along the way…

1) Women who go through fertility problems are often storing negative emotions like anger, fear, jealousy, and depression, which create energy blockages in their chakras and can manifest in real physical and mental problems.

2) All of us live such stressful lives these days. We juggle jobs, chores, busy lives, and are bombarded by more and more distractions. Most of us aren’t living in the moment at all. We’re constantly waiting for the next thing to happen, and the next, to achieve our goal. Dealing with fertility problems is like that but a million times worse, because we're reminded of it every cycle. We can't get away from the time limits. But if we become like that we're not taking the time to really enjoy our life, and we’re missing the magic around us.

3) We need to trust again that good things will happen and then take time to appreciate what we already have.

4) We need to try and turn all negatives into positives, and pretty soon we’ll find we’re happier and it actually enhances our lives.

5) Instead of being jealous of our friends, congratulate them, and genuinely mean it. Be happy for them. Don’t feel miserable about things or harbour resentments. Have confidence and trust that everything in the Universe is connected and then you are lighter and free to enjoy your journey in life instead of just focusing on your end goal or destination and missing out on the here and now.

6) Mahatma Ghandi said, “What you think, you become,” which is pretty true. Meditation lets you clear your thoughts completely so your brain has time to rest. We have all these thoughts bombarding us all the time so we need to take time out. Think of your brain as a computer. If you don’t clear out the clutter every now and then, the hard disk gets full up and doesn’t work properly. Taking five or ten minutes a day with no thoughts in your head can make all the difference to your stress levels and ability to cope with life. It’s been shown that people who meditate are more relaxed, live longer, and can deal with stress and everyday life in a much more positive way. All our fears and worries are just thoughts. Purely and simply, that’s what they are. Meditation can help let them go.

7) Change can be such a good thing if it gives us the strength to carry on and empowers us.

Unfortunately, I don't think I'll ever be a mother, and for anyone going through struggles to achieve their dreams of motherhood, I’m wishing you all lots of success and keeping my fingers crossed for you. I’ve been there, done that, and bought the whole T-shirt factory! I know exactly what you're going through. What I’ve learned in the last ten years is that being infertile is the death of a dream, but it’s not death. There is plenty of living still to be done.

Hugs

Sibel XX

P.S.

I'm doing a special sale on the ebook version of The Baby Trap between 30th Jan - 1st Feb. It will be £0.77, instead of the usual £2.48 on Amazon Kindle/Kobo/B&N/Smashwords/iStore.

http://www.amazon.co.uk/The-Baby-Trap-Sibel-Hodge/dp/1468110152/ref=tmm_pap_title_0?ie=UTF8&qid=1359277123&sr=8-5
Banoffee
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Posted: Sun Jan 27, 2013 2:21 pm 
Post subject: Re: Anyone read "The Baby Trap" by Sibel Hodge?
KazM wrote:
I downloaded on my Kindle recently and it's a really good read. It's fiction but also based on the author's own experiences struggling to have a baby.

I got to a bit the night before last about self-blocking. You're telling yourself it will never happen so you need to imagine having your baby in your arms and believe it will happen one day.

Also, trying to be genuinely happy for others rather than jealous when they get pregnant (relating to Karma).

Might be a load of rubbish but sure it can't hurt to start thinking positively.


I used to started visualising holding a baby boy and even started to hold other people's babies a few month before I conceived my man. I even wrote a letter asking for a baby and put it under my door mat. Bonkers but I conceived after well over 4 years!!
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KazM
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Posted: Sun Jan 27, 2013 9:21 pm 
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sibelhodge wrote:
Hi KazM

Oh, wow, thanks so much for buying The Baby Trap! I hope that you find it a fun and uplifting read. I do think that changing our thoughts through positive meditations, mantras, or beliefs can have a beneficial effect on all areas of our lives, not just fertility.

I'd like to share my journey with you, and why I wrote The Baby Trap...

You think becoming a mother is going to be easy, don’t you? After all, how hard could it be? The American Pregnancy Association say that there are 6,000,000 pregnancies every year in the US alone. That’s a lot of babies! You think all you have to do is have sex a couple of times at the “right time of the month” and hey presto, nine months later you should be the proud mother of a beautiful little bundle of joy. It doesn’t always work out like that, though.

It’s ironic for infertile couples that you spend most of your young adult life trying not to get pregnant, and yet when you actually want to get pregnant, you can’t. How annoying is that? Not to mention frustrating, depressing, soul-destroying, and numerous other feelings that I’ve experienced at one time or another in the last ten years.

I was thirty when I started trying for a baby with my hubby, and I tried everything (and then some!) to conceive. Whether I was feng shui-ing the house to death with fertility symbols, throwing out my husband’s tight boxers in favour of baggies, swapping wine and chocolate for green tea and yams, popping fertility drugs like M&M’s, or having sex so precision-timed it made international warfare manoeuvres look unorganized, my life was turned upside down. And when nothing seemed to be working, my quest for the B-word turned into an obsession. I was a raging, hormonal-induced nutter, caught up on a monthly rollercoaster of hope, plunging despair, and a million other feelings all at once. I was no longer me anymore – I changed from a happy, care-free, fun-loving girl into someone I didn’t recognize. In my desperation for that all-consuming quest to get pregnant, I became obsessive, depressed, angry, bitter, resentful (I could go on an on, but I’m sure you get the picture). And the worst part is I thought I was alone. I thought I was the only woman feeling these irrational and crazy feelings. That there was something wrong with me. If I saw babies when I was out shopping, I’d freak out and get depressed. If I saw mothers in the town swearing or shouting at their children, I’d want to go up to them and scream, “Don’t you know how lucky you are?” If an advert for nappies came on the TV, I’d throw the remote control at it (I went through several remotes in those days). When my sister found out she was pregnant, I cried for weeks, feeling the green-eyed monster rear its ugly head. It was so unfair. Why did it happen for so many other people and not for me? Why didn’t I deserve it, too? I didn’t want to be the bitter person I was becoming, but I was powerless to stop it. It’s like your brain is suddenly wired up wrong, and all you can think about it single-train thoughts: Baby, baby, baby.

Here’s another statistic for you by the American Pregnancy Association: Every year in the United States, there are 60,000,000 women in the childbearing years of 15-44. 6,000,000 of these women deal with infertility. Couples with infertility problems are higher than ever. In my family alone, I have three members who also suffered. One of whom, like me, was unable to ever conceive. I bet everyone has a friend, or a friend of a friend, or a family member of who’s been through it, too. The question is why? We have thousands of fertility hospitals and specialists today and yet IVF still only has a low chance in working. Personally, I think that the human race is slowly killing itself. We don’t need global warming, a super volcano, or another ice age to do it. It’s happening right now. We think we’re so advanced, but in pursuit of that advancement, we’re destroying ourselves. Pollution, pesticides, hormones and additives in our food – everything has a knock on effect.

I remember after we’d been trying for about three years and we started researching IVF clinics. I scoured the brochure which listed the fertility treatments they carried out – IVF, ICSI, sperm retrieval, donor eggs – how to optimize your chances of getting pregnant by eating healthily and taking folic acid (yep, knew all about that bit), and the side effects of treatment.

I read it all and felt sick. It sounded horrendous. And, even worse, the chances of it working were pretty slim. I had a 30% chance of getting pregnant, with a possible 24% chance of having a miscarriage if I did. All that and we’d have to pay three thousand pounds to go through it.

But what choice did I have? It was my only hope. It was my final weapon in the infertility war. And it was a war. A war that lasted five years and two attempts at IVF before I finally gave up the treatment. But even though I gave up treatment, I didn’t give up hope that one day I would still be a mother. Oh, no. The hope took a lot longer to go away. It took a really long time for me to get to a place where I was OK with knowing I’d never get pregnant. Eventually, I was lucky enough to find a new direction in my life that gave me something else to think about, and that was writing. I fulfilled a different dream that helped me cope and move on. Now my books are my babies (oh, and my eight rescue cats!), and they saved me from the insanity of infertility!

In 2012 I wrote The Baby Trap, which is based on my own experiences of trying for a baby. I started writing it about five years before but had to stop. It was too raw at the time. When I finally finished it, it was very therapeutic to get it all out there, and it was an important book for me because I wanted other women to know they’re not alone. Telling the story allowed me to express trapped negative emotions and give honour to the memory of my loss. It also has a really important message in the novel for other women going through the same things, and I wanted to share with you some things I learned along the way…

1) Women who go through fertility problems are often storing negative emotions like anger, fear, jealousy, and depression, which create energy blockages in their chakras and can manifest in real physical and mental problems.

2) All of us live such stressful lives these days. We juggle jobs, chores, busy lives, and are bombarded by more and more distractions. Most of us aren’t living in the moment at all. We’re constantly waiting for the next thing to happen, and the next, to achieve our goal. Dealing with fertility problems is like that but a million times worse, because we're reminded of it every cycle. We can't get away from the time limits. But if we become like that we're not taking the time to really enjoy our life, and we’re missing the magic around us.

3) We need to trust again that good things will happen and then take time to appreciate what we already have.

4) We need to try and turn all negatives into positives, and pretty soon we’ll find we’re happier and it actually enhances our lives.

5) Instead of being jealous of our friends, congratulate them, and genuinely mean it. Be happy for them. Don’t feel miserable about things or harbour resentments. Have confidence and trust that everything in the Universe is connected and then you are lighter and free to enjoy your journey in life instead of just focusing on your end goal or destination and missing out on the here and now.

6) Mahatma Ghandi said, “What you think, you become,” which is pretty true. Meditation lets you clear your thoughts completely so your brain has time to rest. We have all these thoughts bombarding us all the time so we need to take time out. Think of your brain as a computer. If you don’t clear out the clutter every now and then, the hard disk gets full up and doesn’t work properly. Taking five or ten minutes a day with no thoughts in your head can make all the difference to your stress levels and ability to cope with life. It’s been shown that people who meditate are more relaxed, live longer, and can deal with stress and everyday life in a much more positive way. All our fears and worries are just thoughts. Purely and simply, that’s what they are. Meditation can help let them go.

7) Change can be such a good thing if it gives us the strength to carry on and empowers us.

Unfortunately, I don't think I'll ever be a mother, and for anyone going through struggles to achieve their dreams of motherhood, I’m wishing you all lots of success and keeping my fingers crossed for you. I’ve been there, done that, and bought the whole T-shirt factory! I know exactly what you're going through. What I’ve learned in the last ten years is that being infertile is the death of a dream, but it’s not death. There is plenty of living still to be done.

Hugs

Sibel XX

P.S.

I'm doing a special sale on the ebook version of The Baby Trap between 30th Jan - 1st Feb. It will be £0.77, instead of the usual £2.48 on Amazon Kindle/Kobo/B&N/Smashwords/iStore.

http://www.amazon.co.uk/The-Baby-Trap-Sibel-Hodge/dp/1468110152/ref=tmm_pap_title_0?ie=UTF8&qid=1359277123&sr=8-5


Oh my goodness. I think you are the last person in the world I expected to get a reply from on this. Thank you so much for replying.

I have read 90% of the book so far. It has made me laugh and has also had me in tears. Your own insights put in fictional form have done just what you set out to do(for me at least)-make women on this journey see they are not alone. Reading about the mood swings associated with clomid, men not talking about their feelings/getting as emotional as us etc. It makes no difference to the journey or outcome of said journey at all but is really good to know that the issues and feelings about issues are normal. I could really relate to what was being said. I carry a piece of rose quartz myself. Never feng shui'd the house though!

I've learnt to cope with the emotions associated with subfertility/infertilty(whatever label is being put on it these days), up 'til starting to take clomid. Now the drugs make the decisions on my mood(scary!!).
I think all of us who have tried for any length of time to become a parent have felt resentful. Personally I plan to (try and) not feel like that any more. That is one of the main points I have taken from the book(and your message).
The other main point I've taken is to stop thinking it will never happen and start to imagine that it will.
The third point I probably should take from it but just can't bring myself to, is a backup plan/life direction for if it doesn't happen. I just can't think about that possibility. I plan to save your message to my computer now as you have made some really helpful points there.

Once again, thank you.

Karen xx
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KazM
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Posted: Sun Jan 27, 2013 9:24 pm 
Post subject: Re: Anyone read "The Baby Trap" by Sibel Hodge?
Banoffee wrote:

I used to started visualising holding a baby boy and even started to hold other people's babies a few month before I conceived my man. I even wrote a letter asking for a baby and put it under my door mat. Bonkers but I conceived after well over 4 years!!


Might start doing stuff like that...sure hubby will think I'm barking(more so)!!
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sibelhodge
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Posted: Mon Jan 28, 2013 2:27 pm 
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[/quote]

Oh my goodness. I think you are the last person in the world I expected to get a reply from on this. Thank you so much for replying.

I have read 90% of the book so far. It has made me laugh and has also had me in tears. Your own insights put in fictional form have done just what you set out to do(for me at least)-make women on this journey see they are not alone. Reading about the mood swings associated with clomid, men not talking about their feelings/getting as emotional as us etc. It makes no difference to the journey or outcome of said journey at all but is really good to know that the issues and feelings about issues are normal. I could really relate to what was being said. I carry a piece of rose quartz myself. Never feng shui'd the house though!

I've learnt to cope with the emotions associated with subfertility/infertilty(whatever label is being put on it these days), up 'til starting to take clomid. Now the drugs make the decisions on my mood(scary!!).
I think all of us who have tried for any length of time to become a parent have felt resentful. Personally I plan to (try and) not feel like that any more. That is one of the main points I have taken from the book(and your message).
The other main point I've taken is to stop thinking it will never happen and start to imagine that it will.
The third point I probably should take from it but just can't bring myself to, is a backup plan/life direction for if it doesn't happen. I just can't think about that possibility. I plan to save your message to my computer now as you have made some really helpful points there.

Once again, thank you.

Karen xx[/quote]

You're soooo welcome! Thank you for buying my book! I'm so glad you've connected with it, and it's given you a chuckle along the way. I feel honoured to have helped you in some small way, and maybe look at things from a more positive perspective, because I know how hard it is to get down about it. Smile

You know, we're all on our own journeys, and I now believe that we're all in the right place at the right time for us, whatever the reason, so don't feel like you have to have a back-up plan. Just live and be and enjoy the journey!

I hope it works out well for you! Take care Smile xx
sibelhodge
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Posted: Mon Jan 28, 2013 2:28 pm 
Post subject: Re: Anyone read "The Baby Trap" by Sibel Hodge?
KazM wrote:
Banoffee wrote:

I used to started visualising holding a baby boy and even started to hold other people's babies a few month before I conceived my man. I even wrote a letter asking for a baby and put it under my door mat. Bonkers but I conceived after well over 4 years!!


Might start doing stuff like that...sure hubby will think I'm barking(more so)!!


Yep, I did all that, too. Hubby still thinks I'm barking, but being barking has it's benefits! Very Happy
KazM
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Posted: Mon Jan 28, 2013 6:15 pm 
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You're soooo welcome! Thank you for buying my book! I'm so glad you've connected with it, and it's given you a chuckle along the way. I feel honoured to have helped you in some small way, and maybe look at things from a more positive perspective, because I know how hard it is to get down about it. Smile

You know, we're all on our own journeys, and I now believe that we're all in the right place at the right time for us, whatever the reason, so don't feel like you have to have a back-up plan. Just live and be and enjoy the journey!

I hope it works out well for you! Take care Smile xx[/quote]

You too. xx Smile
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