Co-Sleeping

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ELP1
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Posted: Thu Jan 24, 2013 2:33 pm 
Post subject: Co-Sleeping
Does anyone else do this?

I never wanted to start because it scares me. So worried about something happening to him in my sleep but after 3 weeks of trying everything the only place he would sleep is on my chest.

He only wakes for one feed in the night and after he has had his feed he does not settle on my chest and wants to be cuddled into my side with my arm around him.

Is there any advice?

We have his cot pushed up against our bed as the matress of his cot and our bed is level so i am trying slowly to put him into it but at the moment he is having none of it!!

He does not even like being put down during the day and wakes instantly but i am keeping with it and not giving up!! xx
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DL05
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Posted: Thu Jan 24, 2013 5:16 pm 
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I think its the change in temperature that wakes them sometimes and they're comforted by your warmth, they do say if you are going to co sleep to have baby next to you, but not touching you and on top of the covers in a baby sleeping bag (as you can't tuck blankets in to stop them going over their face)
With my winter babies I would have a hot water bottle in the bedroom to put in their cot while I fed them so if they started to doze and I put them back in bed they didn't startle , swaddling helps some babies as well as they feel like they're being held, with my youngest I had a thing with two foam pads in to support him as he side slept (he was prem and I didn't want to put him on his back) and that seemed to make him feel snug and secure as well Question
Some babies though aren't fooled by any of it and just want to be held though and the only way to break them out of it can be preserverance and the pick up put down method but with that you pretty much have to do it until they go to sleep otherwise its back to square one and it can take hours .
I'd say try sooner rather than later though as I let my second child sleep on me and she didn't spend a full night in her own bed until she was 6 months old and even then would often wake a few times a night and I'd end up letting her in our bed to get some sleep . I did give up because I had a toddler as well and it was easier but it just made it worse in the long run and dragged it out ( until she was nearly 2) its not easy to crack when you're tired though, maybe if you can crack it during the day first with the pick up put down it might help with the nights Question
Good luck xx
chattygirl86
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Posted: Thu Jan 24, 2013 5:29 pm 
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I never did co sleeping as like u said I was too worried but I realise it works for some people. He's still really young at the moment so I think it's just a case of persevering with him Confused Hopefully once he settles during the day he'll do the same at night. I had Olivia in her Moses basket for the first nearly 13 weeks, do u think he just doesn't feel safe/ secure because there's lots of space in his cot. I know that sounds stupid but when he's on you he'll feel safe. Sorry I can't really help. X x
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hayley2903
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Posted: Thu Jan 24, 2013 8:00 pm 
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These babies are far too intelligent and know exactly how to pull at the heart strings, maybe try controlled crying? I made sure Lola was in her cot awake from day 1, other than breaking the routine due to illness this seems to have worked in both of our favour x
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MrsOz
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Posted: Thu Jan 24, 2013 9:18 pm 
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hayley2903 wrote:
These babies are far too intelligent and know exactly how to pull at the heart strings, maybe try controlled crying? I made sure Lola was in her cot awake from day 1, other than breaking the routine due to illness this seems to have worked in both of our favour x


Same here. We swaddled both of our girls which we felt helped. Evie would cry - we would make sure she was OK then allowed her to self settle with us nearby to make sure she didn't make herself sick from crying (which she never did).
It's a tough one to decide, but whatever you do, choose it, both agree and be consistent - don't give in. He will get the idea eventually Smile

Good luck

xx
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CarasMummy
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Posted: Thu Jan 24, 2013 11:13 pm 
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Oh this takes me back...four years ago to this date we brought our daughter home from hospital. I hadn't slept in 86 hours n was totally exhausted as was OH...the first night home was awful.DD just wouldn't settle in her Moses basket so she slept on our chests for the first few nights just to allow us to get some sleep. We knew we def didn't want co-sleeping so during her last feed i would sit on her mattress Shocked and put her blanket up inside my top...that way her mattress n blanket were warm and smelt a little of me...she settled very quickly in to her Moses basket from then...she's four now n we've never had problems with her wanting in beside us

Maybe give that a try or if he's in a sleeping bag then feed him while he's in the bag...that way he'll be nice n warm and there will be no faffing about with the bag when putting him down

I know it's hard listening to them cry especially being so young but with perseverance he will get used to it and you will be glad you went through with it Smile think of the benefits of not sharing your bed with a little baby Wink
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Posted: Fri Jan 25, 2013 6:34 am 
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MrsOz wrote:
hayley2903 wrote:
These babies are far too intelligent and know exactly how to pull at the heart strings, maybe try controlled crying? I made sure Lola was in her cot awake from day 1, other than breaking the routine due to illness this seems to have worked in both of our favour x


Same here. We swaddled both of our girls which we felt helped. Evie would cry - we would make sure she was OK then allowed her to self settle with us nearby to make sure she didn't make herself sick from crying (which she never did).
It's a tough one to decide, but whatever you do, choose it, both agree and be consistent - don't give in. He will get the idea eventually Smile

Good luck

xx


We had real trouble at night time for first few days and I found swaddling worked wonders and used swaddle pods. I think if you start now you will be setting a rod for your own back further down the line. I'm not against co- sleeping but I like my own bed too much. Babies learn very quick too!!
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xxHeathxx
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Posted: Fri Jan 25, 2013 9:43 am 
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I've never been there, and I might completely change my mind in 4 months time with a crying baby, but personally I don't agree with it. I believe couples still need their own time and space, and with a new baby, bed is the only place you're going to get it. My sister's best friend has co-slept and her baby is really clingy and still wakes through the night. He's 7 months old now and she's having to put off going back to work as she can't leave him. There's no saying he wouldn't have been a clingy baby either way, but I think he's been too smothered and not got into a routine from early enough. Again, I may change my mind, after waiting so long for a LO, I might never want to leave their side xx
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ELP1
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Posted: Fri Jan 25, 2013 11:05 am 
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I have tries swaddling, hot water bottles, t shirts that smell of me, white noise. He would never go in his moses basket and slept in his vibrating chair for the first 2 weeks but would not even sleep in that after.

From day one i have made sure i try to put him down every time he falls asleep so he didnt turn into a clingy baby but has always woken up within 20mins.

Last night we tried his cot. I even kept my arm around him whilst he was in it but he still wouldnt settle so no sleep for me last night.

He ends up over tired by the end of the day because i put gim down everytime he goes to sleep but he wakes himself up.

I think he is to young for controlled crying and its something i said i didnt want to do because it can leave them traumatised and it can lead to nightmares and them feeling abandoned. But i am starting to think i have no choice.

I really dont know what else to do!!????

Heath i always felt the same as you as me and oh dont get any time tigether at all. But it was literally the only thing i could do to get sleep.xxx
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XxAvasmummyxX
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Posted: Fri Jan 25, 2013 4:26 pm 
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I co-slept with ava for 5 months and I plan to do the same again with this one, makes breast feeding so much easier and they seem to sleep better for it. I was worried about squashing her at first but soon realised I was still aware she was there even when asleep if that makes sense. She would scream and scream unless I had her in the bed with me and it hasnt made her a clingy child as alot of health visitors suggest. I honestly loved the midnight cuddles, its what im looking forward to most this time.

Its each to their own though and what you feel happy with but there is nothing wrong with either way imo xx
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MrsOz
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Posted: Fri Jan 25, 2013 8:11 pm 
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I was given several leaflets when I left hospital about safe co-sleeping so I think the guidelines are no longer against it.

xx
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Zee81
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Posted: Fri Jan 25, 2013 10:07 pm 
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I co slept with my son and do so now with my daughter. Not all night but due to breastfeeding, I do.
Also, I don't believe you are making a rod for your own back by co sleeping..like I said I did it with my son who was a very clingy, needy baby. He still slept well in his cot and adjusted well to his own bed and has never once wanted to sleep with mummy and daddy once lol.
My son was very much like your son Erin. He was quite a miserable baby (sounds awful saying that but compared to my daughter..he was quite hard work Confused )
We have taken the side off the cot and it is next to the bed so just pop them back across when feedings done. I had to swaddle my son and my son couldn't sleep flat. He absolutely hated being on his back, be it in a cot, basket, play mat/gym etc hated it. so we used to sleep him on my breastfeeding v pillow, either raised slightly on his back or use the pillow to support him if he slept on his side. Have you tried side sleeping, or even tummy sleeping?

I do think he's too young for controlled crying. I'm not totally against CC but I don't think it should be done before 6mth IMO.
I read something the otherday about how all a baby know's is the smell, the sound and the warmth or their mummy (and daddy) so they do find it hard to adjust when you put them down, sometimes all they do want is a little cuddle (I think thats why swaddling came about..as it makes baby feel secure, snug and warm).
Does Travis have any calm periods where he will allow you to pop him down awake, maybe after a feed and nappy change, could you maybe try encouraging him to self soothe/settle whilst awake.. maybe stroke his head or sing to him gently?
I do also believe every baby is different.. some are very relaxed little souls whilst others are quite high maintenance Confused I've had one of each Smile Things will get easier in time..it won't always be this way Wink
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DL05
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Posted: Sat Jan 26, 2013 8:05 am 
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I wouldn't put him down already asleep Erin , if he falls asleep on you and then stirs a bit and suddenly realises he's in bed on his own it can be upsetting and wake them up properly, then as he's not learn't to go to sleep without you he won't resettle, I found the best way was to put them down awake , just at that point when you know he's sleepy but he's not asleep yet so he realises he's been put down and I wouldn't do controlled crying with a very young baby either I think they need the comfort at that age Question , I found the pick up put down the best one and sometimes just standing by them gently patting them or stroking their face can help at first so they know you're there but you're not holding them and then if they start to cry pick up until they stop but as soon as they're quiet back into bed .
Or if he sleeps out in his pram maybe take him for a walk to get him to nod off during the day Question

My first I never put down asleep always awake because I had my sister in my ear constantly telling me not to Rolling Eyes I did listen to her though as she had 3 boys already Laughing , second time round she didn't live nearby and I had a 15 month old as well and all that went out of the window and I would hold her till she was asleep and then try to sneak her into her crib and she would do what your baby does and wake (usually screaming ) about 15-20 minutes later so I'd end up with her in my arms practically all day ,never got anything done, same at night she wouldn't sleep and i'm sure thats why i got PND that time Confused , 3rd time round I went back to what I'd done with my first and she was a brilliant sleeper Question
How you do things though depends on if co sleeping bothers you Question
I don't think there's a wrong or a right and all of mine have had nights or parts of nights sleeping in my bed but I did find that it made me more tired, just because you're always aware they're there so i don't think you sleep properly xx
xxOliverAndMaxsMummy
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Posted: Sat Jan 26, 2013 10:30 am 
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I really don't agree with co-sleeping as I don't understand how people can risk the dangers, you hear of and read such horror stories of it going terribly wrong - I do however agree that its a personal choice and just because that's how I feel doesn't mean others do/should think the same way. I also notice people seem to say it is easier if you are bf but I've bf both of mine and still bf baby occasionally but when he was in our room he was in the moses basket right next to the bed so I only had to lift him out and pop him back.

Oliver was a good baby and once he was a few weeks old he slept fine (albeit up every few hours for breast feeding) now Max, OMG, was a completely different story! He screamed and screamed and screamed, I was exhausted, dh was exhausted and we were that tired that I cried and dh was on the verge of it a few times however we knew it was important to get into a routine from the beginning as not to create bad habits (also I know a couple that co-slept with all 3 of theirs - the oldest didn't leave the bed til she was 7, the middle child when he was 6 and the baby of the group, who is 3, is still in the bed, they just wouldn't sleep in their own bed - but thats another story). We tried so many things with Max and found in the end that swaddling really worked for us after trial and error.

What I would say is persevere, not necessarily controlled crying but similar as a week of hardly any sleep is a small price for full nights in the future.

Also sleeping on the chest does scare me so as the other lady said if you really can't do anything about the co sleeping at the very least I would put baby on top of the covers in a baby sleeping bag.

Terri xx
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Raspich
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Posted: Sat Jan 26, 2013 8:56 pm 
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I fall asleep while BF my daughter and have never moved while doing this, I think it is definitely a individual choice. I personally didnt do it until my daughter was about 10 weeks old because she was very small and I did worry.

I have also found my daughter doesnt like to be put down when she is already asleep - I think it is a bit of a scary surprise to wake up in a different place to where you fell asleep - instead I wait until she is sleepy but not asleep.

I think what DL05 suggests sounds sensible - it might be hard initially but after a bit of persistence it might work!

Hope your little man settles down soon so you get some sleep! Smile
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