Next baby & age gaps

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xxVictoriaxx
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Posted: Wed Feb 06, 2013 3:54 am 
Post subject: Next baby & age gaps
I'm so broody it actually hurts Laughing seriously I get a horrible feeling in the bottom of my belly like I am physically aching for a baby! Does anyone else ever feel like this?

I just wondered how people found different age gaps? There's 7.5 yrs between my 2 (we intended for a 3 yr gap, but nature decided otherwise) but I'd like a much closer gap with 2 & 3 so we don't want too long in case we have problems again, I'm heading closer to 35 which doesn't help either. But I keep getting torn with going for it and leaving it for a year or so.

The main thing stopping me really is that my little girl is not the easiest baby, very clingy to me, doesn't sleep too well at night & generally high maintenance (I must be nuts to want another one now!!) did anyone else have a smallish age gap with a baby that's hard work? How did you find it?

The other thing that's making me think to wait is that it took so long to have our little girl and maybe I should just enjoy her as much as possible, spend loads of time with her, etc before having to look after 2 young babies/toddlers.

Just wanted to see what other people's experiences are xx
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nutty1
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Posted: Wed Feb 06, 2013 8:13 am 
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How funny Vic I just asked on another thread if you had any plans for another Laughing Personally I don't think Id be holding off we both know how bloody hard it is to achieve a pregnancy, I would think the closer together in age they are you can get the whole baby thing done all in one go and itll only get easier (Id imagine) x
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tracebumfluffwhy
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Posted: Wed Feb 06, 2013 8:43 am 
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I'd say go for it, especially as you had problems this time, there is no guarentee you'll have problems this time and you could get caught really quick.

The other thing is if there was another baby around you might find your little one becomes less clingy and wants to help with baby. Lots of people say it actually helped having another one as hard as it is Smile

I'll tell you how hard it is in a few weeks as my 2 will be 21 months apart Laughing
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Xxxpolxxx
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Posted: Wed Feb 06, 2013 9:08 am 
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My first and seconv are 15 months apart and its not easy but easier than a big age gap i would imagen, i thought all nappys and sleepless nights were done in one go xx
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RacheynHarry
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Posted: Wed Feb 06, 2013 9:09 am 
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I didnt want to leave it too long before we TTC'd our last, and was PG very quickly as it took over 4 years to fall PG with Harry.

Harry is normally pretty clingy and he still doesnt sleep through the night to the extent that he is still in our bedroom cause he just wont sleep without either DH or I. Having been home a week, I have noticed a change in him, more that he is happy to go off with Daddy and for Daddy to do things for him. He doesnt seem too bothered by his brother, he just goes up to him and strokes his face saying ahhhhhh all the time.

I would say if you feel ready then do it. You will adapt and so will your LO. xx
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Posted: Wed Feb 06, 2013 6:29 pm 
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There is 18 months between Sebastian and Naia, making him 9 months old when I fell pregnant. To be honest, with the exhaustion of being pregnant and looking after a toddler, then the exhaustion of looking after a toddler and newborn (who's had feeding issues such as colic, reflux and being sick), I wish I'd left it longer. I'm exhausted with running after Sumo all day and then I'm constantly being woken up during the middle of the night doing feeds - this with my OH in China and me in the UK.

However, despite the exhaustion, constantly changing dirty nappies and having no time to myself, I still wouldn't have it any other way. You get used to it and once you've got yourself into a routine. If that's what you want, go for it!
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lemonrose
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Posted: Wed Feb 06, 2013 7:37 pm 
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There are 22 months between my number 1 and 2 and 17 months between 2 and 3 in my family Shocked

My middle one was hard work as a baby (reflux etc) but to be honest she had got over it all by the time number 3 arrived in November 2012 and the first 6 weeks when number 3 arrived were hard but, you know what, it's fine now and he is only 11 weeks old Very Happy

You just find your own rhythm as a family and there doesn't seem to be any jealousy, we feel very much like a big team happily bumbling through life lol. Of course I am tired at times as he isn't sleeping through (but my other 2 didn't until they walked!) and the housework slides sometimes but I get caught up when my family are around. My 3 yo goes to nursery 12.30-3pm and my middle one still naps then (she is only 20 months old) so you get some peace, even if it's just time to enjoy my little one.

I didn't plan it this way but I'm glad it happened Embarassed
zachariahelijahmalakaimum
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Posted: Wed Feb 06, 2013 8:07 pm 
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there is 15 months between my too boys and yes it is hard work but it is great seeing the older one growing into a little boy from a baby and having them growing up togther x
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Shellm
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Posted: Wed Feb 06, 2013 8:29 pm 
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I have 17 months between 1 and 2
2 years between 2 and 3 and
2 1/2 years between 3 and 4.
It's hardwork. I have been changing nappies for nearly 9 years. My youngest only just started sleeping through too.
I would say go for it. I was pregnant when my 1st was 8 months old. It felt weird having 1 in a pushchair and 1 in the oven. Laughing Laughing
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zachariahelijahmalakaimum
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Posted: Wed Feb 06, 2013 8:35 pm 
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Shellm wrote:
I have 17 months between 1 and 2
2 years between 2 and 3 and
2 1/2 years between 3 and 4.
It's hardwork. I have been changing nappies for nearly 9 years. My youngest only just started sleeping through too.
I would say go for it. I was pregnant when my 1st was 8 months old. It felt weird having 1 in a pushchair and 1 in the oven. Laughing Laughing


I felt the same as you hun especially when i got bigger and was looking at newborn stuff along side bigger stuff Laughing
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123babycakes
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Posted: Wed Feb 06, 2013 9:42 pm 
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There is a week shy of 12 months between me and my brother (and when I was younger I would really play up about being the same age as him for that WHOLE week until his birthday Laughing ).

Anyhoo ....my Mum said that the hardest time was first twelve months, and it became easier once I started to walk (at one) and my brother started to talk (at two). The physical exhaustion, and only being able to stop (if all jobs were all done) once we were both in bed at night.

I suppose it all depends on your thoughts about when (or if) you would have a cut-off point if you didn't concieve quickly. I haven't explained that well ....what I mean is, when we were trying for number two, it took us a few years, and I always said that when I got to 35 we would stop trying. Thankfully it didn't come to that, and I had him just before I was 34, but I don't know if when the time came I would have been able to stop. I suppose what I'm trying to say is (and I apologise if it sounds blunt, but I can't think of another way to put it), if you wait a few years are you prepared for the fact that it might not happen?

I know I regret not trying for a second a lot earlier, we waited 3 years .....then it took nearly another 3 to conceive, by which time we were really putting pressure on ourselves making the whole conception thing harder than ever.
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xxVictoriaxx
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Posted: Thu Feb 07, 2013 12:52 pm 
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Thanks ladies, wow lots of you coping really well with small age gaps! It's so hard to know what to do for the best though, especially as I have a feeling Sophie is not going to be the easiest of toddlers! So I can imagine being pregnant & then having a newborn whilst running after her would be a total nightmare! Things are just so much easier once they get closer to 3, but not sure I want to put it off that long.

I'm not worried about my age as such, but just that it took us nearly 4 yrs & in the end IVF to have Sophie, and although my 3 other pregnancies were totally natural, there's that chance we may struggle again & going past 35 the odds for ivf starts stacking against you. It wouldn't bother me going beyond 40 but my oh is 8 yrs older & I don't think he wants to have a newborn when he heads towards 50, which I can understand.

I think it's a major case of head & heart - head says wait a year or so and heart says now Laughing xx
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xxVictoriaxx
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Posted: Thu Feb 07, 2013 12:55 pm 
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Claire that's exactly what I was thinking before I fell pregnant & all thru being pregnant too, we were going to start ttc straight away but she is so much harder work than my son ever was so it's a bit of a shock to the system Laughing xx
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DL05
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Posted: Fri Feb 08, 2013 9:57 am 
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Would you have to do a full IVF cycle again if it came to that Victoria ?
Or could you do a FET Question
Only asking because if it was a full round would that mean being an egg donor again Question
In which case your age might be an issue with the cut off point Question , just a thought but could you do a cycle as a donor now and have your embryo's frozen rather than have some put back straight away Question
So then you'd have more options if you wanted to wait a bit longer and try naturally first as well Question
Those embryo's would always be the age you are now if you like Question
I know where you're coming from with the demanding baby though as my second was the same, my first was all sweetness and light , happy smiley slept well etc. etc. my second was a huge shock Shocked especially as there was only 15 months between them , she was demanding, didn't sleep, cried all the time, honestly she would breath hold from being a few months old if she didn't get what she wanted when she wanted it Shocked and I did think at the time never again !
Luckily my 3rd child was angelic as a baby Laughing and did nothing but sleep, eat and smile, she never even cried when she was hungry Smile but that time the gap was just over 2yrs , I have to say I did find age gaps of 2yrs plus much easier than that first 15 month age gap, but everyones different, almost all of my sisters boys only have about 15-18 months between them and she coped with that ,
But for me needing a double pram and having two lots of nappies to change and just the logistics or having a toddler too young to get dressed or even find their own shoes and coat , or be relied upon to eat breakfast without tipping the bowl on the floor was a bit much Rolling Eyes Laughing plus I liked that I could get the older one a couple of mornings in a playgroup if they were that bit older, I found they enjoyed it and you get some mum and baby time as well Question
I know you can still do that with a nursery and a younger child but they can be pretty expensive can't they .
Saying all that though if my reversal had worked the plan was to have a second asap after the first ( Literally to start trying after about 3 months Shocked )as obviously my age is against me and we did want 2 close in age as our youngest would have been 9 minimum even if it had happened straight away , of course if I had got pregnant and had a demanding baby I might well have changed my mind Laughing
Good luck deciding Smile xx
xxVictoriaxx
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Posted: Thu Feb 14, 2013 7:47 am 
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Sorry for the delay, as you can see even getting on here is a job in itself nowadays Laughing

Hopefully we wouldn't need ivf this time Nat, out of 4 pregnancies 3 of them were totally natural so I would be pretty hopeful we could do it again with help.

Sounds like our 2nd babies were very similar lol! Sophie first held her breath at about 4/5 weeks, she went a deep shade of purple & scared the hell out of me! All because she didn't want the colic med I was giving her. She even throws herself now like she's about to have a full blown toddler tantrum! I'm sure she'll get better as she gets older & learns to communicate (I keep telling myself!).

The nursery thing is part of the reason why we waited to try after my son was born, and in a way I still believe this would be the best option for me this time too, but I'll be 36 when she's 3 so if we did need help then egg donation would be completely out of the question and I can't justify spending £5-6k on it. That would be what my head says, but heart is saying get on with it now Laughing

I think we're going to wait until the end of the year when she'll be 18 mths, so if it did happen straight away (doubt it!) then she'd be 27 mths+ so not too long before she'd start nursery anyway Smile xx
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