Relationship Pressure

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MrsZargon
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Posted: Wed Feb 06, 2013 12:02 pm 
Post subject: Relationship Pressure
Hi All,

Wanted to ask the long termers about relationship pressures if that's ok? Basically DH and I had a massive row last night as we were both shattered when we went to bed and didn't feel like bd-ing even though we got a smiley face yesterday. I think it was just the pressure to have to do it but we ended up in a full blown row and I was horrid saying things like he wasn't committed to have another child etc. etc. which of course was completely unfair of me he is more than committed! Anyway we went to sleep but bd this morning and made up so not feeling too bad about it. But to be honest it's really getting to me on the bd front. Lately I have no desire to do it unless its ov time and when I do it only think about it in terms of TTC. Anyone else finding this? What do you do to make it more like the old days and less like a chore as a means to an end? DH and I have always been close in that way, even when I was pg with DD, but now after over a year of dissappointment each month I seem to have changed the way I feel about it and can only concentrate on the biology rather than the emotion. Please help

Xx
nikki238
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Posted: Wed Feb 06, 2013 2:46 pm 
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Sorry you're feeling like this. But rest assured you're not alone. I know exactly how you're going feeling. Me and my oh have had this argument too. He says im all over him like a rash during ov time then dont want to know any other time!!! We have got over it though. The way I look at it is you want to make a baby with the the person u love most in the world and once upon a time you wanted to have sex with this person because you loved them and fancied the pants off them!!! Embarassed Just relax and enjoy the sex, try new things and be spontaneous. Try having sex in different places or in the middle of the day, just because u want to, it makes it so much more exciting. Very Happy
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nikki238
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Posted: Wed Feb 06, 2013 2:47 pm 
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Sorry you're feeling like this. But rest assured you're not alone. I know exactly how you're going feeling. Me and my oh have had this argument too. He says im all over him like a rash during ov time then dont want to know any other time!!! We have got over it though. The way I look at it is you want to make a baby with the the person u love most in the world and once upon a time you wanted to have sex with this person because you loved them and fancied the pants off them!!! Embarassed Just relax and enjoy the sex, try new things and be spontaneous. Try having sex in different places or in the middle of the day, just because u want to, it makes it so much more exciting. Very Happy
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nutty1
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Posted: Wed Feb 06, 2013 3:05 pm 
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I think every long term ttcer has been through this at some point with their partners. I know me and my o/h have, there's been lots of times in the last 12 months or so that Ive given up mentioning when I'm ovulating as its been just to much pressure and not at all sexy. Ive always found a few drinks and some adult films Wink go down well Smile
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nikki238
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Posted: Wed Feb 06, 2013 5:14 pm 
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Yes, I know what you mean nutty. It is best no to mention ov as it can bring a bit of a turn off. Which is completely understandable! And makes them feel under pressure.
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Banoffee
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Posted: Wed Feb 06, 2013 6:07 pm 
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I never knew if or when it was ov time when I was TTC my son. I will say though that yes sex did become a chore as I was only thinking will we make a baby etc... Looking back I was always so tense about it too. When I got to the point I'd accepted it probably wasn't going to happen I felt more relaxed and in the end I conceived, I believe that was because I let my DH lead the way on BDing. So I think he knew when the right time was picking up in my hormones.
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nikki238
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Posted: Wed Feb 06, 2013 6:42 pm 
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Yes, just as we feel more horny around ov. I think we give off pheromones which naturally entice them!!
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KazM
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Posted: Wed Feb 06, 2013 9:19 pm 
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I think(as the other ladies have said) all us long-termers feel the pressure and it does put a strain on your relationship. I guess if you're strong enough to stay together IN SPITE of the pressure and rows(which WE ALL have) then that's the tester of whether you're strong enough to cope with parenting together.

I don't believe anyone who's been TTC over a year who says it's never caused a row.

Hope you guys get it all sorted and on track soon. xx
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MrsZargon
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Posted: Thu Feb 07, 2013 12:03 pm 
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Thanks for all your replies ladies, feeling a lot better today and have decided that I'm going to actively initiate bd-ing at times other than ov to try and get back to doing it just for the pleasure! We have arranged a night out for V day next week and we are off on hols on 23rd so think I'm just going to concentrate on romance for a while and forget about baby making!

And yes what doesn't break you makes you stronger I really believe that xxx
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