Posted: Sat Feb 16, 2013 7:46 pm
Post subject: am i in the wrong
My hubby works but does get to half days so basically works three and a half days with a two hour lunch break which he comes home for.
I do all the night feeds, get up with travis every morning do all the house work and finances. As i am on mat leave i totall agree that i should do.most of these things but hubby naps whenever he wants which is at least once a day goes out whenever he wants - basically does everything he did before we had travis.
I mentioned earlier it would b nice to have a lie in one weekend morning a week or for him to do the night feeds one weekend morning a week and he said no he works and my job is to do these things and i can nap with travis during the day. He knows travis wont go in his cot during the day and he just naps on the sofa for 20 min stints during witch i get as much house work done as possible.
I feel really angry towards him. I.e last night travis woke for two feeds and was v restless because he has a cild and was up at 8am. He slept through the lot until 10am and then has gone for a nap now.
Am i wrong to want an extra few hours sleep to.myself once a week??
We live away from home so no friends and family for a nice chat. I do have a few friends but being military we have not been here long. So it is normally me and travis which i love.but a few hours to myself every now and then would be really nice!
Am i being unreasonable? Xx
Posted: Sat Feb 16, 2013 7:56 pm
You are not being unreasonable at all. He needs to do his share too. I think you either have a man that does loads or one that does sod all. Mine is one that does sod all!! it's like a full time job looking after a baby and your oh only does 3 and a half days a week.
Posted: Sat Feb 16, 2013 8:02 pm
Your not being unreasonable at all. I insist on a lie in on a Sunday even though my oh works full time. He sleeps in ti'll 9 on a Saturday and I get about the same on a Sunday.. The boys get up at 6.. Otherwise hes useless unless hes in a bad mood woth someone.. He cleans when hes ranting haha. Could he not take the baby out for an hour or two and let you have a nap? You still need to recover from giving birth! X
Posted: Sat Feb 16, 2013 8:18 pm
I think you just need to be honest and say to you OH that being a mum is a full time job in itself and that he needs to pull his weight with doing night feeds. Right from when I put Harry on the bottle I made it clear to Dave that I wasnt going to do it all by myself so we took it in turns, one of us did one night the other did the next night. Dont get me wrong there have been times Dave hasnt woken for Harry but I would just give him a good kick and he soon moved.
Now with breastfeeding Ryley I dont really have a choice but to do all the nightfeeds but DH is really good at getting up for Harry every night (no, he doesnt sleep through yet) so I cant complain.
I agree with the others, get your OH to take the baby out while you have a bath or a nap. I could never relax in the bath knowing Harry was crying so Dave would take him to Tesco and just wander round.
Posted: Sat Feb 16, 2013 8:27 pm
No your not being unreasonable at all Hun. I think it's quite selfish of your partner to say outright no!!
Even more so with long lunch breaks ? He could take lo off your hands for an hour so you can take a nap?
Or even an extra couple of hours sat sun morning.
I would have another chat with him about it ?
Posted: Sat Feb 16, 2013 11:09 pm
I don't think your being unreasonable in the slightest hun, when Liss was teeny we used to alternate the night feeds so for example when she was having 2 feeds a night I would do one and he would do the other and we alternated who got up with her first thing in the morning. Don't get me wrong hubs had has his fair share of time off as such as he went to Afghan for 4 months and then on Op Olympics last year for 3 months, so obviously then I had to do everything myself, but yeah like I say we share everything.
Now however it's me being the lazy one, but then I am 20 weeks pregnant
Posted: Sun Feb 17, 2013 1:43 am
As you can tell i think we all have this issue haha!
I think its a male thing, their brains just cant understand it for some strange reason. I know my partner feels the same (its up to me to do it all) but as i'm currently studying on my way to being a midwife, being a mum and soon to be a hospital volunteer i believe i have a strong argument
He wont even change dirty nappies because they're disgusting, do they honestly think we like doing it? :S
Anyway, try popping your little one in his pram for a nap. With Lola we use the cot for night and pram for day napping, i think it helps her understand much better but she also sleeps so much longer in the pram, even if she wakes she goes back off after a little water, may help you get a bit more done xx
Posted: Sun Feb 17, 2013 1:03 pm
Posted: Sun Feb 17, 2013 7:32 pm
thanks girls after getting up at 6am after a bad night (lil.man has a cold and mouth thrush) and me having a stinking cold and him getting up at 11am and wanting to go to the pub for beer and pool....ww have had strong words. i think he has been seeing how much he can get away with. i swear they never grow up!! xx
Posted: Sun Feb 17, 2013 7:39 pm
You're not being unreasonable at all and I know it's easy for anyone to say 'don't put up with that behaviour' but honesty dont!!! You put up with it and therefore he pretty much does as he please. You can't change his behaviour but you can change yours.
Not knocking anyone who works (I work full time with a 4 year old) but why do people (mainly men) think their job stops when they get home and yet mother's jobs never stops. He deserves a lie in and you deserve a lie in as well. Quite simple really and if he doesn't get that, then stop doing things for him until he does or until you boot him out. (I mean really, what decent bloke sleeps into 11am and thinks it's ok that he can swan off to the pub!!!)
All the best.
Posted: Mon Feb 18, 2013 12:52 pm
Haha - seeing how much he can get away with! That sounds very much like my OH sometimes! Sounds awful but I kind of let him get away with it, however - last week I got norovirus, was ill all one night and couldn't get out of bed the morning... and PH bless him got up and did everything for Samuel however, it was a real learning curve having never fed him or changed his nappy since he was newborn... at one point he shouted in from the nursery 'hun, do these older nappies do up the other way round?' and when I poked my head round the corner on the way to the bathroom he'd put the nappy on back to front... >.< LOL!
Glad you got to have the 'strong words' and hope they make an impression hun - being a mummy is totally FULL time and he has NO excuse with working so little in comparison. Even if he was working full time hours - 40hrs a week vs. 24-7 with a baby...
Posted: Mon Feb 18, 2013 10:23 pm
Argh, tell me about it. My fella can be the same....but he does make up for it too.
He works minimum 5 days a week anyway, and does more often than not lay in when he can. I refuse to tip toe round though when he does I encourage noisy play and will go in the bedroom making loads of noise and stick the lights on etc
When he does get up, he cleans round, washes up, cooks for us, makes me endless cups of tea/coffee. I breastfeed so I do all the night feeds (one lol) and feed through out the day too, so he is like my little skivy when he's at home
But no, running a house and bringing up children is a full time job, we don't get time off or holidays..its continuous. If he wants to go out with his mates..bargain with him lol..he's to do the night feeds all night one night..or get Travis up so you get a lay in..or a hot soak in a bath etc. Fairs fair