Posted: Tue Mar 05, 2013 4:32 pm
Post subject: Advice on OH please
He is driving me absolutely nuts (probably being hormonal doesn't help )
So I've always known we have different body clocks and thats fine its just he doesn't help himself. So I'm a go to bed early get up early he's a goto bed late and stay in bed all day. This was fine before we any any children but now it reallly affects things
He does shifts an work, not particularly nasty ones but we have to do childcare around it, so his early shift means he has to get up at 5.30am and his late shift means he doesn't get in till gone midnight.
Thing is when he's on earlies he still expects to goto bed at like 1am or 2pm (sometimes later) which of course means he's a right grump to the lo and I when he gets home. When he's on lates he expects to sleep in till noonish.
Of course we all know children tend to be early risers which means I never get to stay in past 6am (EVER) even on his days off or if he's on get up duty, he just brings the lo in to find me because he knows once lo sees me he doesn't want to leave my side.
How do I get him to understand that he's being plain selfish, he always argues that I don't need as much sleep as him (which I don't) and can cope better. Its even worse now I'm pg because of course I'm even more tired than usual, when I say this to him, its always well you wanted another baby too.
argggggh how to I get through to him, it causes no end of arguments!
Posted: Tue Mar 05, 2013 5:04 pm
Hmm, are his shifts consisting the same? So for e.g. 2 weeks early then 2 weeks off? Can you maybe sit down with him, write down the times and agree on SOME (him being a male etc...) of the dates he gets up early with your LO? Or whatever it is that you need from him?
Then its very clear to both of you (more for his sake... ) and hopefully that will work?
Its pure rubbish him saying, well you wanted another baby...
Good luck! I'm sure you are exhausted at 35 weeks and its not going to get any easier with getting up in the night with the new LO. Set up the timetable.
Last edited by sweetpea24 on Tue Mar 05, 2013 5:05 pm; edited 1 time in total
Posted: Tue Mar 05, 2013 5:11 pm
Sorry, meant to say "are his shifts consistently the same"..
Yes they are its a 3 week cycle so he knows well in advance. So he say's he'll get up, BUT, a) I have to wake him up and then keep kicking him for next 10-20 mins till he gets out of bed (rather defeats the object really), b)he then brings the lo in our room because apparantly he's asking for me OR
His latest thing is he sleeps down stairs he says because now I'm so big I breathing heavier and it disturbs his sleep (he can sleep through a bomb blast ) so if I want him to get up with lo I have to go downstairs wake him up a few times. If I give him the monitor then he 'sleeps through it' and I end up going and waking him up to get lo up anyway so again rather defeats the object!
Posted: Tue Mar 05, 2013 5:30 pm
I'm under the impression that this is just something we have to live with, men are useless haha!
I know its awful but I have left Lola shouting in her cot (its next to the bed) to make him get up and it has worked haha!
Men just don't think like us and I doubt that will ever change!! I do agree completely with you though, especially heavily pregnant you deserve your feet up!! Xx
Posted: Tue Mar 05, 2013 7:34 pm
you definitely deserve a break! you've carried your LO and now you're carrying another, and as far gone as you are, you're bound to be a little tired and restricted. can you sit down with him seriously, and maybe start off with just asking him to please listen to what you're saying to him before he interrupts and goes off on one (theyre worse than us sometimes arent they?).. he needs to understand that yes he needs sleep, and yes you may cope better but why should it always be you who gets up? your little one is just as much his as it is yours (sorry for using it, i'm not sure if you have a DD or DS).. he needs to stop being so selfish, really.. when your LO calls for you (as he says) maybe say mummy is in bed because she is tired from carrying a really heavy baby around.. worse comes to worse, show him this thread xxxxx
Posted: Wed Mar 06, 2013 9:05 am
You should be getting a break and at least a morning a week (where it's an option if he's not on an early shift) that you can have an extra hour in bed without getting up with your LO. My OH is a pain in the bum and he now only works five days a week instead of 6 but he works at least 12 hours a day minimum and he still lets me have a sleep in on the weekend and helps out as soon as he gets in from work. He never used to be like that tho.. I had to talk to him about it and argue with him too but he got the idea eventually.