Posted: Sun Feb 10, 2013 9:05 am
Post subject: Advice needed please...lots of things so apologies if long!!
Hi all, Im going to try and cut a long story a bit shorter but really need some help/advice/pointers etc.
I have a LG who is 4, I had her following a traumatic pregnancy and birth which included severe pre-eclampsia, SPD, an emergency c-sec after being put to sleep, and lots of other general problems.
As a result of all I went through I was told in hospital that I would need to think carefully before having another child due to the significant risk I was under.
I have spent the last 4 years convincing myself that we will never have another child and so that was that....or so I thought....now the husband wants to go and see a specialist about whether I would be ok to try again, risks etc.
So in a nutshell I have lots and lots of reservations which I will list below!!! I dont want anyone to try and talk me into it or out of it so apologies if it sounds that way! but id really like honest opinions on my concerns please Smile
1. Time off work with SPD. (was very severe last time, crutches, wheelchair etc and doc says worse second time)
2. Developing pre-eclampsia and it being more severe than last time/possibly risking my own life or that of my baby
3. How we will possibly cope financially when we cant really now!
4. How on earth my daughter will cope when shes told us in no uncertain terms that she does not want a baby in the house Sad
5. Whether I can possibly love another child as much as I do my daughter.
6. How I will cope with going back to work and leaving a baby at just a few months old....I didnt do this with my daughter as I worked from home (but this wouldnt really be an option again)
Im sure alot of the above are what most normal people go through too but I just feel a bit like we had it all planned out and now hubbys brought this up all my feelings are coming flooding back and Im so confused/scared etc
Please offer any advice possible :)xx
Posted: Sun Feb 10, 2013 6:17 pm
Id say regarding Q1 and 2 that surely its not a certainty that you will get either either of these the 2nd time, if you do Im sure you will be very closely monitored. Q3 Id say its a very common worry and plenty of people find it hard to cope financially , however I think you just find a way. Q4 Your daughter will be fine and her not wanting a sibling should not influence your decisions in any way, you are the adults at the end of the day.
I think all your concerns are completely normal and you'll get through it. Us humans have a way of managing these things. If its what you want then go for it, that's my opinion.
Ttc since December 2007!
Posted: Mon Feb 11, 2013 8:14 am
I had SPD in one pregnancy and then didn't get it at all in the next So for me it wasn't worse second time .
Pre eclampsia is one of those things thats actually more common in a first pregnancy or a first pregnancy with a new partner and again you might not get it this time or it might not be as bad ,plus they would be monitoring you more closely .
You could well find that a different doc will have a totally different take on it than the last one
Your child not wanting a sibling is probably pretty common in 4yr olds, they say all sorts of things at that age as Nutty said I wouldn't let that sway your decision in any way she probably wants you all to herself but in a year or so when she's at school full time she'll be more independant .
There's no reason why you couldn't try for a natural birth this time, or if you preferred a repeat section with a spinal, I've had a section under general so I know how traumatic that can be , and it did put me off wanting anymore for quite a while .
Money wise its hard to say what to do for the best, but babies themselves don't have to be very expensive and a lot of women on here work and have their babies in nursery, its not ideal if you're not happy about that but would you really rather not have another child at all than have to go back to work and use a nursery
I suppose it depends on your age as well ? If you have lots of time then you might want to wait and see how things are financially etc. in a few years , but it is worth remembering that sometimes it takes longer to conceive the second time round , if you're not sure though then maybe now isn't the right time ?
The one thing I definately wouldn't worry about is the love aspect, you will love all your children just as much even if you had another 10 xx