need to vent!

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nikki238
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Posted: Sun May 05, 2013 8:30 am 
Post subject: need to vent!
I am so churned up and upset I don't know what to do with myself. Weve been ttc for 2 1/2 years. Had a mc in dec and we are now having fertility checks. Anyway my sil has announced she is expecting her 2nd. While I am very happy for her I can't help feeling really bitter. For a start neither of them work, he is on incapacity benefit, as he can't work due to a bad back (and the reason he has a bad back is his enormous size, im not exaggerating, he must easily weigh 30 stone). And then she get paid to stay at home and be his carer. They've been split up for about 3 months due to the fact hes so lazy and does absolutely nothing, not around the house or for the daughter they already have. So they decide to get back together and decide "hey lets have another baby, to try and mend our marriage". And hey presto get pregnant after 1 month. Dont get me wrong I am happy for sister in law, she is a fantastic mum.
It just seems so unfair, we have so much to offer, we both work, have a lovely home and so much time and love to give. Feel completely sick, this news has cut through me like a knife. I know I need to get over it for every bodies sake. But just feel in a hopeless situation, as I'm not sure well be able to have another one as we think oh possibly has a low sperm count, just waiting for second set of results. Sometimes wonder if it would easier to give up now and just be grateful for the beautiful son we have been blessed with. To top it all off af is due today, hoping by some miracle she doesn't show! Thanks for reading my rant, just needed to talk to someone else before I drive oh mad!!! Just don't know how I can move on in my life if I can't have another baby. So frustrated and churned up.
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KazM
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Posted: Sun May 05, 2013 10:54 am 
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It's hard, but sometimes we need to give ourselves a metaphorical slap when these things occur and remind ourselves that happiness is infinite. What happens for you is not affected either way by what happens for others. Try and keep your chin up. xxx
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nikki238
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Posted: Sun May 05, 2013 3:06 pm 
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Thanks kaz. You are absolutely right!! I need a full on beating up though, not just a slap! Lol xx
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XXMrsSXX
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Posted: Sun May 05, 2013 3:38 pm 
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oh I really know what you mean, even though I was happy for my friends who announced they were pregnant, I did wonder when it would be my turn... and after nearly 5yrs ttc, if all goes well, it will soon be my turn.... Smile although really difficult, maybe give yourself a few weeks to get your head around the news (as you will be an auntie again!! Smile Smile) and then it may help, try picture this beautiful baby your going to love so so much, big hugs for you xxxxx
Louise xx
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nikki238
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Posted: Sun May 05, 2013 7:46 pm 
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Thanks louise. Normally it doesn't get to me too much when people announce their pregnancies. I usually feel really happy for them as I know how amazing and what a blessing it is. But you're right I just need a bit of time, and we will have that niece or nephew to look forward to.
Congratulations on your pregnancy, did you conceive naturally? It took us to 7 years to conceive our first. X
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XXMrsSXX
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Posted: Sun May 05, 2013 10:30 pm 
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hey hun, no it wasn't naturally, it was |IVF, wow 7 years... I can only imagine.... is there anything u changed when u conceived? maybe try that again... it is so hard though, and we are all allowed our bad days, maybe it just caught you off guard xxxx
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nikki238
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Posted: Mon May 06, 2013 6:11 am 
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Aah wow. You must be over the moon!! No didn't change anything. I think we're just one of those unlucky couples it doesn't happen easily for. But it has happened twice, so hopefully it'll happen again! ! Sometimes just get so wound up in getting pregnant it consumes me. Then other times I kind of come to terms that it probably isn't going to happen. I sometimes wish I had a crystal ball, to say yes you will have another baby or no you won't. Then I could move forward with my life. I'm stuck in a rut with everything, work, home e.t.c. Dare don't change anything "just incase". Its quife ridiculous and pathetic really. Need to get a grip. Xx
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MrsZargon
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Posted: Mon May 06, 2013 7:16 am 
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Hi nikki, you r not alone I have to really struggle to stop myself feeling bitter and jealous when some people announce they at pg. it's wierd because for me it's totally down to who it is announcing, some people I feel nothing but happiness for and others I'm consumed with this feeling of bitterness and "it's not fair". I think as you say when the situation is less than ideal or if they don't seem to appreciate and nurture the children they already do have.

Someone once said to me that there is no point filling up your headspace with bitter and unpleasant thoughts as the only person it hurts is you no matter how justified the thoughts are. Now I try to just expel hose thoughts from my mind and think about other more positive things instead!

Good luck x
nikki238
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Posted: Mon May 06, 2013 8:47 am 
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Thank you Mrs Zargon, Kaz & Louise. You've all been a great help and have said some wise things. Xxx
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Cleggy09
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Posted: Thu May 09, 2013 9:48 am 
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I can completely sympathise with you, my boyfriend is a fantastic father figure to
My daughter and adores children, we said we'd wait till next year and try I was so excited, then a week later his brothers gf falls pregnant, she hates kids (literally came out of her mouth) she's quitting work and his brother walks out the room when kids are present, I was so jealous, bitter and absolutely devastated but I was obviously happy I'm going to be an auntie but it didn't make me feel better, I felt dreadful for feeling that way as I felt selfish but it wasn't fair at all I've gagged for a baby after my daughter, it sounds selfish but 1 child for me when I'm
Fertile and so is my partner isn't enough for me I want more so she has siblings to play with not just for my self, I totally understand how you feel. My boyfriend turned round to me 1 month ago and said what the hec lets try so let's hope both of us get what we want Smile stay positive xxx
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michelletv
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Posted: Thu May 09, 2013 12:02 pm 
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i am one of those who beleive things happen for a reason.
hang in there!xx
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