Posted: Sat Aug 10, 2013 1:41 am
Post subject: angry little man
So my lo has lately been showing his anger, I think he has picked it up from his 5yo cousin. He throws his arms up and growls then cries. Hes delayed with his speech and can only manage the odd words (were working on it). Just lately he's been hitting me and throwing things at me whenever I tell him no or later. Yesterday he threw his lunch plate at me and hasleft me with a cut under my eye. Time out feels hopeless as he just screams and screams. He doesnt seem to understand why I tell him to sit there, as I try to explain anything to him he will just scream at me or hit me more. because of his delayed speech these and similar things are very difficult for us. Im getting to the point where I dont want t I be around him anymore as everything ends in me been hurt and one or both of us in tears! Note that he seems to only do it to me, not his father
Posted: Sat Aug 10, 2013 9:14 am
Has he had his hearing checked recently ? I only ask because my lovely placid little baby suddenly turned into an angry frustrated toddler at around 2yrs old, she also had delayed speech and we found out later it was due to undiagnosed glue ear which we never suspected she had , not sure if all her behaviour was due to her hearing or the fact it meant her speech was delayed and she found that really frustrating but it might be worth asking about ?
Her hearing tests as a baby were normal so it was a shock to find out she'd had this problem and to see the effect it had on her behaviour.
If it's just down to his age though I think just being firm and sticking to set rules works best and keep explaining even if you think he doesn't understand yet maybe sit him on your knee and hold him round his arms calmly until he relaxes enough to listen to you if he's getting out of control. Even if he can't speak he should still be able to understand and maybe try to get him to show you want he wants in other ways as it must be incredibly frustrating if he feels like you don't understand him . Even if he screams or cries in time out as long as he stays in it then I suppose the points being made
Have you watched how his dad deals with situations that come up ? Sometimes I think they just do it with you because you're there more but it could be that his Dad is perhaps more firm with him right from the start of a problem so it doesn't escalate or maybe he does something that defuses the situations that you could try for yourself Good luck finding a solution xx
Posted: Sat Aug 10, 2013 3:06 pm
Thanks for the reply. We had his hearing tested while we waited for speech therapy and he passed it all. At his sessions he seems to struggle with actions. The trouble with time out is he will sit for about one minute then try to come over to me for a hug making a 2 minute time out 20 minutes of him screaming till his nose bleeds. His dad is twice my size and alot stronger, im not very strong and quite petite so I think he sees me as the easier target. Will keep trying to explain and use time out. Maybe will contact the hv as she has been very helpful in the past. X
Posted: Mon Aug 12, 2013 7:50 am
Maybe it is that his dad seems more imposing to him I don't think you need physical strength as such especially as one day your little boy will be a teenager and probably bigger than you anyway, but you'll still expect him to listen.
You can do a lot with your voice though just by changes in tone it's amazing what a difference how you say something can make as well as what you say maybe that's part of it with his Dad if he has a naturally deeper voice than you and also not letting yourself get wound up and stressed when he screams or cries, but if he stays in time out for a minute then maybe make that his time out and go to him before he tries to come to you, then you can do the explaining and hug etc. I don't think the one minute per year rule always applies as for some children 30 seconds of sitting thinking about what they've done might be enough and for others and hour wouldn't So if he can do a minute I'd go with that for now
My daughter passed her hearing tests by the time we went to speech therapy but it was a specialised test to pick up fluid levels that showed she had previously had glue ear at some point in between her baby ones and that one Which had caused speech issues as she couldn't hear properly at the time she should have been starting to talk .
Without the specific test we'd never have known why her speech was poor, but the words she did say were almost unrecognisable as well so if your little boy is clear when he does speak then it's unlikely to be from anything like that.
If he's struggling with actions though as well it might be worth a chat with the health visitor as there could be another reason behind it perhaps that she could pick up on xx