Loss....6years on...advice please

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lucycherish
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Posted: Tue Aug 13, 2013 3:37 pm 
Post subject: Loss....6years on...advice please
Ok so I know I haven't been around much lately but iv had quite I bit going on recently, I'm gunna get straight to the point, I lost out first baby 6years ago this month, I can't stop thinking about everything that happened around the time and the loss its, I feel like I'm the only one who is thinking about him, I brought the subject up with my partner last year (and obviously years before) and he said he would rather not talk about it and I should be greatful for what I have, and don't get me wrong I am incredibally greatful to have such a wonderful daughter but I can't help think of him, I know everything happens for a reason and this definately did there where a lot of complications during the last few weeks of my pregnancy, I don't feel like I have any one to talk to about this, I don't want to cause arguements with my partner (he tends to 'cope' by not talking about him) I can't speak to my parents either as this was a very difficult time for them too, my mother had kicked me out before I was pregnant, then said she didn't want anything to do with me ect, this was all sorted out in the 17wks I was pregnant but I know when I was in hospital for the last week she told my partner she hoped I didn't blame her for it all happening, which I didn't and don't in the slightest but I don't want to upset her, oh yeh I also lost my nan (uncles mum, so not my 'biological' nan so to say) within a week of losing my baby, I just don't know what to do I feel like I need to talk about him and what happened, it still hurts so much when I think of it, it still feels pretty raw, sorry for waffling on and been all doom I just don't know what to do, I can't just sit an talk to myself about him can I?! Lol x
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Posted: Tue Aug 13, 2013 4:27 pm 
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I'm not sure what to say but I think it's understandable to feel upset after all this time. You are still grieving by the sounds of it. Perhaps you may want to try speaking to someone or find a way of releasing some of the hurt in a positive way. Perhaps planting something that will grow and re-flower each year.

Xx
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lucycherish
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Posted: Tue Aug 13, 2013 4:52 pm 
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Thank you for replying, I am thinking of something like that, I feel a bit better having just wrote the post, think I just needed to get it out there in some sort of way, thank you very much for your advice I'm not going to be spending my time looking for plants/small trees that flower around august, thanks again xx
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Lindseylou
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Posted: Tue Aug 13, 2013 6:07 pm 
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I agree with Banofee have some like a flower or tree which will represent it. I found a diary helped to write in when my grandad passed away and it helped as everyone else was grieving as well and could not talk to anyone.
I also had a nephew that passed away as well which was a few hours old and did the same.
Hope that helps
poppytops
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Posted: Tue Aug 13, 2013 9:03 pm 
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I think something to commemorate your losses is a lovely idea, it helps you achnowledge your feelings instead of ignoring them or hiding them, its important to talk about it too, I had a similar response from my hubby about a loss once and expressed the importance of how I had to deal with my feeling instead of ignoring then and a situation I needed to address rather than brush under the carpet. This ethos has totally transformed our relationship (over time). I'm so sorry for your losses, I hope you can find a way of expressing your thoughts and feelings xxx
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lucycherish
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Posted: Wed Aug 14, 2013 12:03 pm 
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Thank you both for your replies, I agree it is a lovely idea, just looking for something that flowers in august now Smile I think iv found it slightly harder this year as I had a loss in february aswel, feeling a lot better and more positive today, thanks again Smile xx
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michelletv
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Posted: Wed Aug 14, 2013 12:16 pm 
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hi there
i dont know the reasons behind your loss and i defenitely am not clued up on dealing with a loss. i had 2 miscarraiges both at 12 weeks, but very grateful that it didnt happen when i was further along.
yet somehow i feel your pain.
there are so many woman who post you tube movies of their babies they have lost, to share either their joy or their pain.
everybody has their own way of dealing i suppose with a loss of a baby.
i think your husband thinks of your son often, but like you said, its his way of dealing with the pain of losing him.
its good to talk to someone about how you are feeling, and i am glad you shared it with us. because i am a christian, i know that prayer has seen me through many heartaches and including my two losses.
planting a tree or a flower bed is a way of remembering your little boy.
you could release a blue baloon every August in memory of him as well.
Being a christian, i believe that you will see him one day when you will be reunited and that is a comforting thought already.
You will never forget him and he will always be a part of you. He knows you did everything right, but God took him home for another purpose unknown to you.
i really hope that you will find a way to accept his passing and move forward, knowing that he is safe in the arms of Jesus.
He is defenitely in a better place.
God bless
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Bobski1980
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Posted: Thu Aug 15, 2013 10:42 am 
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Hi Hun

What an awful thing to go through, I can give you my advice, I work in healthcare and I have dealt a lot with other people's loss and consoling relatives when their loved ones have died. I think you need preffessional help, I would book an appointment with a gp and ask to be refered to a councillor. You will be on a waiting list but it seems to me you are still grieving very much. I think what the other girls said is great to. Whatever you can try to get yourself through this. Good luck xx
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sweetpea24
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Posted: Fri Aug 16, 2013 7:33 am 
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Hi sweetie. I'm really sorry for your loss. I lost my first (mmc) over 3 years ago and its something that is still very much in my thoughts. I think it always will be. I remember everything about it and the short time I was preg, I remember the dates that everything happened etc.. Hubby seems to be abit like yours. Never talked about it, never remembered the dates etc..

But last year I bought myself a charm bracelet - it has 3 heart charms on it in different styles with each of my kids birth stone, birth date and name. Including my first lost LO. This hubby really seems to like and will now and again mention our first baby.

It makes me very happy and at peace to know that I have something to 'represent' my lost baby. I also find sharing my experience with others that have lost a baby also helps. No one knows what it is (really) like except the people that have been through it themselves.

Big hug. xxx
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