Posted: Tue Aug 20, 2013 10:22 am
Post subject: Baby number 2???
Hi ladies, havent posted on here in a little while......where has everyone gone?? Posts seem to be moving down the home page very slowly, is anyone left haha?!?
I have a quick question for you all and would love to hear your opinions and experiences!
Basically, me and hubby have been discussing having another baby and I would absolutely love another and am just starting to feel ready but every time I think about actually introducing a new baby into my little family I am overwhelmed by anxiety and guilt
I am the first to admit that my little lady (who will be 4 in November) has been spoiled rotten with love and attention....not just from me and her dad but from the entire family! She isn't a spoiled brat but she was the first baby born into quite a small close-nit family and her grandparents/aunties/cousins all adore her and I am afraid about it might affect her if we have another baby (hence where the guilt comes from).
I know I'm being stupid and that she'd prob love a little brother or sister but I cant help feeling a bit upset actually that I wont be able to devote as much time to her. Do you think these feelings mean I'm not actually ready for another baby?
I always said I would never only want to have an only child and that I also wanted to have the 2 kids close together but as it turned out we just couldnt afford to have them so close in age and so I sometimes think that I have now left too big an age gap.
Anyone else ever feel like this? Am I being stupid?? And for those with more than one, how did they react to having a new baby in their lives??
Posted: Tue Aug 20, 2013 11:43 am
I would take the age gap issue out of the equation. If you and your partner would like another child then go for it. Yes at first your daughter may have jealousy issues but that's not always the case. I have an age gap of 9 years with my sister and we get on great. There is 11 years between my son and daughter but that's only because it took me 5 years to conceive.
It sounds like you still have some niggling doubts but you will figure it out.
Posted: Tue Aug 20, 2013 1:25 pm
Ideally I would have liked a 2 year age gap between my children, but circumstances menat that it wasnt possible.
I am now in a position to start thinking about having another, but again circumstances mean it will probably be another 18 months - 2 years before we can try. That will make my daughter 5-6 and my partners children around 10.
I have told my partner if we do try then I would like to have 2 close together, and that would be my lot!
Posted: Tue Aug 20, 2013 7:39 pm
Hiya, oh my gosh I could have written that post myself!! You described exactly how I was and still am feeling a little (6 weeks pregnant with no.2). Weve got such a happy little routine with our 3 year old and he too has been given so much attention. I have worry and guilt not only over how I am going to manage with two physically but with how im going to manage to give jack the same attention with a newborn around. I know in my heart i want another (hence ttc and getting pg) but it doesnt stop the feelings I have creeping in.
I know when the time comes I will manage and the new baby will have to fit in and im sure jack will love being a big brother. Your certainely not alone but I guess the only thing you can do is imagine your life only having one child and the thought of never doing it again? If that makes you unhappy then go for it, remember our LO's will be at school soon too x
Posted: Tue Aug 20, 2013 8:50 pm
what you are feeling is totally normal. I went through the guilt, and wondering how I would be able to offer and give as much love as I did to Evie. My friends when I said about it, said it just happens... and do you know what? It just did. The 2nd one just fitted in and we were able to love her just as much as number 1 baby.
Evie was 2 & 3/4 when we had Poppy. throughout the pregnancy she wouldn't even talk about me having a baby in my tummy (normally she would not have shut up about such things). When ever we talked to her about it she shut off, changed the conversation and said she didn't want it.
When Poppy was born, oh my goodness... Poppy was a prem / SCBU and bottle fed so when Evie came to visit me in HDU they brought Poppy down for a quick visit and cuddle. Within minutes Evie was on the bed feeding her, cuddling her, naming her new toys. She has been like that ever since and those two are a mischievous team together sharing laughs all the time. Evie is very involved with everything that Poppy does from general company to changing - Evie will tell me if she needs a change before I even smell a whiff!!
You will be able to give as much time, but may find that you are different when having a second too - less panicy, worried about doing it right, and prob enjoy everything again but, in a weird way, much more. I remember little from Evie (medicated PND) vbut when Poppy hits milestones my memories of Evie come flooding back so I can enjoy them both.
Bit long winded, but... in short... GO for it when you are ready!! lol!
Posted: Wed Aug 21, 2013 7:55 pm
I was just going to echo what others said, it's totally normal and I think it will always come and go, but to a great extent I think of this as doing grown up adult Elijah a favour - even if he doesn't agree just yet!!!
BTW ladygaga...are we baby twins?!!! Our pg tickers and baby tickers are almost the same :O