Posted: Sun Aug 25, 2013 9:32 pm
Post subject: to soon??
My son is nearly 9 months and hubby has said he would like to try for no 2. We hhave had 5 mc and 2 chemical pgs so we are both worried about how long it could take. We concieved my son on clomid so will use that again.
Another has crossed my mind but my son is a terrible sleeper and i only average 4/5 hours asleep per night. So i was waiting for that to settle. I suffered with morning sickness so worried about suffering again whilst having very little sleep plus we live on a military base away from family so no help possible.
I am very broody but if i got pg soon would the age gap be a lot of hard work!!? Is it worth waiting? Opions needed please xx
Posted: Sun Aug 25, 2013 9:41 pm
It sounds to me as though you know deep down the time isn't right for you - do you think you are trying to convince yourself otherwise because of the time pressure? (not trying to be harsh just asking because though i was super broody and worried about my age i knew really way deep down i wasn't ready until now)
on a practical note it might be disheartening but the sleep thing may last longer than expected especially with a new baby coming along. Elijah didn't sleep through the might until after he turned two and still is up at least once, i thinkit takes a long time to recover from real sleep deprivation x
Posted: Mon Aug 26, 2013 8:33 am
Thanks girls. I nees to have a really good think but i think deep down i want to wait a bit longer.
Any advice welcome on sleep. He still wakes for 2 night feeds but i dont think he wakes because he is hungry. He is in our room still which i no.probably doesnt help. He wakes up 6/7 times and wont go back until i have rocked him to sleep which takes a while. He naps quite a lot during the day. He either has 3 1 hour naps or 4/5 short ones. He often wakes up and wanrs to go back to sleep on me which i have put a stop to. Xx
Posted: Mon Aug 26, 2013 9:19 am
I don't think it would be too difficult, its just about stopping his frequent naps and things!
Lola will wake around 7:30, have breakfast and play.
She will have lunch around 11:30, a nap around 12 which can vary depending on what we've been up to in the morning. She'll have a snack when she wakes and play some more. Tea is around 5 and she'll get ready for bed at 6, have a story and sleep by 7!
Sometimes, like recently she'll break out of the routine i believe to be due to curiosity but if i leave her to scream it out (has taken hours before but then again can take around 20 minutes it depends on how overtired they're)she's back into her routine in no time!
I've never rocked Lola to sleep either because i didn't want her to get used to it also if you can, getting him in his own room would really help. At 9 months Lola stopped sleeping completely at we were at our wits end at what to do, so we were all geared up to put her in a different room and let her scream it out for the night but she surprised us all, went straight to sleep so obviously just wanted her own space haha!
Of course every childs different and this may not work for your little boy but its worth a go for some sleep haha!
good luck! xx
Posted: Mon Aug 26, 2013 10:57 am
Thanks hun. We have avoided the conrtolled crying so far. I leave him to moan but when he starts crying i always go in and put his dummy back in. As a newborn he was awful and refused to sleep anywhere but on my chest so after 6 weeks of no sleep i gave in. He has alwayd been clingy in that wau. It took months for me to even be able to put him don even after he had fallen asleep as he would just wake back up. He does go in his cot for naps now though. Everyone has told me i have a high maintenance baby but he is also very sweet and loving just seems to know what he wants and thsts it!! I am strict with a lot of thingd and dont let him get away with things he shouldnt. He is also v v active and never keeps still. He was crawling before 6 months and is now very nearly walking x
Posted: Mon Aug 26, 2013 11:36 am
I think Id be thinking about putting him in his own room and doing the controlled crying, the longer you leave it I think the harder the habit to break. He already knows now what he needs to do to get picked up etc.. It will be hard but Id stick to a strict bed time routine and cc in his own room. x
Ttc since December 2007!
Posted: Mon Aug 26, 2013 6:12 pm
I think you should try controlled crying also!
Its not as bad as you think, im at my mums at the moment as my partner works full time and im a student (hes older than me) and we would get no help moving out so Lola sleeps in the front room in a proper cot and i have a monitor on!
It can literally take one night and after that you're done, one night of you being up and down will allow you to get a full night so you're both refreshed ready for the day!
Also try putting him for a nap in his pram? My mums a childminder and does this with all the kids she minds so i started doing it with Lola and she naps so much better in the day in it.
Posted: Mon Aug 26, 2013 7:04 pm
I know how you feel about babies who don't sleep. My first was great but each one after got worse. My youngest didn't sleep through until he was 2 1/2. In the end I did cc with each of them and although you think it's upsetting for them and yourself it lasts a few nights. I also got rid of the dummy for my 2nd at the same time. I was fed up waking to put a dummy back in.
I don't know how you would do cc when your lo has a dummy.
Mine used to wake at night looking for milk and I started refusing that too. I sound like a really awful mum but its things like that, that my were relying on.
Good luck with whatever you decide to do.
Posted: Mon Aug 26, 2013 7:37 pm
Posted: Mon Aug 26, 2013 8:59 pm
It's not easy but loosing the dummy at night worked wonders for us. DD1 ditched it herself at 3 months and always slept well. DD2 was totally dummy addicted and was getting to the stage of waking so many times at night that I had no idea when she was hungry or just couldn't settle herself without dummy. We tried CC which always worked a great with our first but it just didn't work- she'd cry louder and louder and sob in her sleep for hours afterwards. In the end I took advice from a friend ( and was totally convinced it wouldn't work) & bought a musical projector thing that projects images onto the ceiling. Well I was in total shock that after 10mins if moaning she fell asleep without the dummy! We've never looked back and soon she was only waking once a night for quick feed and back down. Now we've introduced supper (as bottle didn't seem to be filling her) and all of a sudden we have our life back ad she's going through the night!!
Don't get me wrong, nap time is a totally different story and she still gets dummy for that but we can cope so much better on a good nights sleep!!
I'd definitely recommend sorting sleep before having another, however you go about it. Being pregnant and having a toddler is just totally exhausting!!
Good luck whatever you decide to do xx
Posted: Tue Aug 27, 2013 8:11 am
Thanks for all the advice. I think i will have to try cc a bit. Getting him off at night its the waking. As soon as i pick him up he goes back off so i know i need to leave him to moan. I have tried water but he just refuses it. I have cut the bottles down to 3 ounces but nothing is working xx
Posted: Tue Aug 27, 2013 9:21 am
I agree you need to sort his sleep before even thinking about ttc,
Lily is breast Fed and she has only just started sleeping through at a year old. I've never really been one to do controlled crying but I was starting a night job and needed her sleeping through as I wouldn't be around to feed her some nights.
So first off I tackled the feeding. I would give her quite alot of solids during the day and actually even breast fed her more myself as well. When she woke in the night she was offered water by daddy, but also we did a little cc at the same time because we didn't get up to her at each cry!
I would say it took three nights to completely get her sleeping through the night and it was the best thing we did!
Posted: Tue Aug 27, 2013 10:25 am
I definitely try and sort the sleep problems out as well before having another as it will be so much harder to do if you're more tired from being pregnant again.
Plus imagine if you had an 18 month gap and baby number 2 was a bad sleeper too My second was and I had a 15 month gap so had a very active toddler (who luckily slept very well)as well and it was pretty horrible at first, I was just 'getting through' each day rather than enjoying spending time with them .
Can you maybe devote a full weekend or a few days when both you and your OH are there to try and crack some of the sleep problems ? As it's so much easier with back up and if one of you is getting frustrated the other can take over ?
I think the pick up put down method can work really well as well for babies who just won't settle with controlled crying.
Might work well for him if he nods off as soon as he's picked up
I found it easier on me as well as you don't have to let them cry,
I'd agree dummies don't help either with some babies as they can wake if they lose it and then not settle unless you get up to get it, could you maybe try substituting the dummy with a comfort toy or blanket he could find for himself if he stirs ? My last had a rabbit that was his dummy substitute and it was much better than a dummy as it couldn't fall through the bars and he could grab it himself if he woke up a bit and then he'd nod back off again and it really helped him self settle
It does sound like your son naps a lot as well during the day, all babies are different and if he's very active he may just need more sleep but it could be that he's not getting enough good quality sleep at night if he doesn't ever sleep for long stretches and is trying to catch up in the daytime which then has a knock on effect on the next night , babies are like adults in that they need a decent amount in one stretch to be at their best in a morning but sometimes they don't know how to get off to sleep on their own especially if you've always rocked them (and I did it myself with my second)and then they need to be given the chance to learn how to do it .
My daughter who was a bad sleeper was in with us until 6 months and I'm sure that didn't help but we had no choice , then we moved and she went in with her brother and got so much better, and went from waking every hour to maybe once or twice a night and within a few weeks that stopped as well and I think that's maybe because if she just woke a little bit in our room I would hear her and go to her before she woke everyone up but when we moved I couldn't hear her the same so maybe sometimes she woke and because I wasn't there instantly to pick her up she probably taught herself to settle
If you have the space I'd try him in his own room and you might be surprised xx