Posted: Fri Nov 11, 2011 3:34 pm
Post subject: What is a better age for your first child to have a sibling?
Just wanting people's suggestions really. I have a little girl who has just turned 2. I have been on the Depo injection since she was born, I have now changed to the contraceptive patch. I am wanting to try for another baby around June 2012 time. Scarlett will then be 2 years and 8 months. So she will be over the 3 years mark if we do succeed and have another baby. Do you think this is a good age gap?
I ask because I have a younger sister, and there is 6 years between us. We have nothing in common, it's very hard for us to talk and obviously I'm a lot more grown up than her. I don't want this for my children. Don't get me wrong, when my sister was born, I always played mummy. But as she got older, we drifted quite a lot. Probably because I became a teenager and she was still so young and now I'm an adult she is the teenager. She is now coming upto 15, and I'm 21. She never wants to come and stay over my house. And whenever she does (If her and my mum both come to visit) it's like we don't know eachother. So would you say 3 years is to early, perfect or too old?
Look forward to hearing from you xxx
Posted: Tue Nov 15, 2011 9:30 pm
i am hoping to start ttc in feb and that will make my little boy 2yrs and 9 months
so he will be 3 and a half wen the baby is born (if were blessed fx) me and my sister r 3 years apart and we are best friends, all im hoping is that i can get him potty trained fully by feb, he'll feel more like big boy and wanna help his mummy and understand more by that age.
but tbh i have wanted it since july/aug and fought with my brain that wat is the right age to start trying again, so i would say 2-4
hope this helps hun xxx
Posted: Tue Nov 15, 2011 9:44 pm
There is 17 months between my too and it bloody hard work lol!! What with the double pram, both in nappies, Archie not talking yet so having little tantrums when he can't tell me what he wants, the feeling of guilt of never having enough time to do what I want with either of them BUT I wouldn't change it and they are well fed, growing, know they are loved and turning into gorgeous little beings!!
So wouldn't change it at all, there is 8 years between me and my sis and we get along great, she helps me with the kids if I need any help and we get along great!! Can't wait till she starts uni so I can go visit her and have a few nights away lol xx
Posted: Sat Nov 19, 2011 6:06 pm
Jennifer - Oh bless you. That does sound hard work. A lot of my friends children have roughly the same age gaps as your children. And I thought about it, but if I'm honest I really didn't think I could cope with it. So thought I'd wait a little while. But good on you for doing it! I envy woman who can do it.
Waiting4autumn - That's really nice that you and your sister are close. I wish me and my sister had that bond. I was talking to my MOL about my relationship with my sister, and she reckons the reason we're not close is because when I was younger it was because I basically had to be mum to her (As our mum had a few issues), and then my mum sorted herself out when I got into my teens, then it became me time, I could act like a kid, and then me and my sister just grew apart from there. So she thinks it doesn't matter how much of an age gap there is. She reckons I should wait until Scarlett is 5. But there is always that risk right?
Tasha - I hope your plans work out hun. Would be nice for your little boy to have a sibling.
Jane - Yes I agree with you, And I think it will still be quite hard work, but as you say, the oldest is a little more independant, and hopefully they will understand and adjust to their new little sibling.
Posted: Sat Nov 19, 2011 7:21 pm
when we i was pg me and my ex said we would start TTC when she was 1, which would mean she was around 2 when no 2 was born, but after having a horrible labour, and then a demanding baby i was put off. now im not with anyone, but if i did meet someone i would ideally like to aim for another baby when sam is in school, as it would be easier financially, and she would be a lot more able to look after herself.
iv got 2 sister, one 3 1/2 years younger and we are not very close at all, but we are totally different people, i was looking forward to her being 18 so we could go out together, but she wasnt interested. my other sister is from my dads 2nd marriage, and is 15 years younger than me, but i didnt have any contact with my dad until she was 7, so we are really close as i was older, but if i had been in contact when she was born i probably wouldnt have wanted anything to do with her.
Posted: Tue Nov 22, 2011 7:23 pm
Sorry to hear your relationship didn't work out.
My labour was extremely easy. It was 8 hours long and I done everything natrual and no pain relief. But Scarlett is extremely demanding. So I know what your saying there. It did put me off. And I've said for ages, no more babies, then I change my mind, then I do it again. But I reckon she'd chill out a lot if she had a younger sibling maybe? She does love babies. I guess it's a gambling game a little xx
Posted: Tue Nov 22, 2011 10:10 pm
Ihad a 13 month gap between 1st and 2nd child then 2 year gap between 2nd and 3rd child.. then a 15 month gap between 4th 5th and 6th child xx
Tubal Reversal 19/7/10
Angel Baby due 18/5/2011 (ectopic)
Angel Baby due 25/1/2012 (m/c)
Angel Baby due 21/6/2012 (m/c)
All 3 much loved and wanted xx
Posted: Thu Feb 16, 2012 10:25 am
I am planning to start trying again next month with no pressure as getting married in May would love to get a BFP in May as it would be a great wedding gift. But if all goes to plan there will be a 2year 9 months age gap so near enough 3 years which I think is fine. Hopefully Noah will be potty trained and will be starting Pre-school in the septemeber.
My beautiful little men filling up my world x
Posted: Thu Feb 16, 2012 10:42 am
I don't think there is any such thing as a perfect gap for everyone, it's just whats works for you some people like having them both in nappies and getting all that over and done and some want the older one at an age where they're more independant , for me though my 15 month gap with the first two felt to close and just the practical stuff like having a double pram was a pain, I had gaps of around 2 1/2 yrs up to almost 4 yrs and they all had advantages and disadvantages , (2 yr olds having temper tantrums whilst your trying to do something with the new baby not so good , but then them being old enough to understand and want to help but still young enough to play together is good )
The almost 4 yrs was good for me because it was the first time I had just time alone with just the baby properly since having my first and my son and his sister are still close now even with a bigger gap ,
This time round my youngest will be 10 next month and chances are we won't be able to try properly until after I have an op (hopefully this summer) so he will be 11 at least before we could have another and i worry thats too big a gap because i had a similar experience to you and your sister only i'm the younger one and we were never close it's not how I would have wanted it given a choice but my oldest DD (23) is trying for a baby so hopefully there will be someone the same age as the baby around in the family xx
Posted: Thu Feb 16, 2012 2:09 pm
I agree with Nat, I don't think there's any such thing as the "perfect" age for everyone, and there are drawbacks either way. I was my mum's 6th child, and with the first five, the longest gap was two years. Then there are 5 years between my brother and me (I was a surprise! ) and only 18 months between him and our next oldest sister - yet me and my bro are far closer than he is with her, even though there's a smaller gap for them. I'm also quite close with my older bro who is 13 years older than me (even had my baby on his bday ) and really close with my two youngest sisters, who are 14and 18 years younger than me - and they are very close with each other too - so I think it's pot luck as to whether siblings are close.
My friend has two that are 11 months apart and I just don't know how she does it! Me and Dh are hoping to start ttc again in the summer, our son will be one. BUT we were ttc him for two years and are worried about having another long ttc journey or we would probably be waiting another year or so.
I guess it just comes down to what feels right for your family, but good luck
Posted: Wed Feb 22, 2012 10:45 am
There is 3 years between my girls. We planned it to be more like 3.5 but we concieved a lot quicker than we did first time round. I would like to hav a 3rd child but im nt 100% sure. I wanted to start ttc this April but dnt feel ready yet. Wen i had my 2nd my eldest was potty trained in a bed and very independent dressing herself etc. Whereas my youngest is still in a cot, nowhere near ready to be potty trained and still wakes on a night, due to her special needs we dnt know what the future holds so its goin 2 be a waiting game but didn't really want to hav a bigger age gap than 4 years but looks like thats a possibility nw.