Someone upstairs is not on my side

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Cecilb1
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Posted: Sat Oct 05, 2013 11:58 am 
Post subject: Someone upstairs is not on my side
Hi I'm newish.. Don't usually post, but seriously had enough of the whole baby making thing now 😟
I had my reversal done in jan 12. Since We started on this journey we have faced nothing but obstacles.. Firstly we was told I was going through prem menopause.( some drs say I am others say I'm not) a year later they found a fibroid (3cm making my womb heart shape) now after having a hsg they are now telling us both tubes are blocked where surgery had taken place. They already told my with my fluctuating fsh my options are donor eggs.. Really?!? I hear if so many miracles happening but why are we having so much pain and heart ache every time we visit drs/hosp.
I've tried every herb, diet change, positive thinking. It is out of my hands now.. I can start to plan my future without anymore children. I am super lucky as I already have three.. But I know the empty nest syndrome will hit me hard..

Would appreciate any input 😊
Jillybeanz2011
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Posted: Sat Oct 05, 2013 5:13 pm 
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Hi, I had my reversal in Feb this year and had a chemical pregnancy in about June and now nothing I'm also told I need a hsg and I am so nervous and don't want to do it cause I am so scared of what the outcome will be.. its a very stressful journey Sad
Cecilb1
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Posted: Sat Oct 05, 2013 6:43 pm 
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Oh very sorry to hear that 😔 Yes it's the most stressful and lonely experience and most expensive.. The hsg was very uncomfortable (not painful) and my X-ray lady didn't fill me with much confidence. Finding out both tubes were blocked was my worst fear. Although I have read that they can get it wrong. I don't want to pin all my hopes on that though. I wish I had never had been sterilised in the first place.. But hey ho haven't got a time machine. You should find out as much info as you can so you can go in knowledgable and ask as many questions as poss. I'm wondering whether to get a second opinion but feel like all the drs do is give me bad news! I'm waiting on a miracle👼 Fingers crossed for you and prayers to the angels that all will be well on your journey.👼👼🙏🙏
nutty1
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Posted: Sun Oct 06, 2013 6:58 am 
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Just wanted to say both my tubes were blocked and I had surgery done on the nhs and they were able to unblock them both. I did suffer miscarriages after and a ruptured ectopic so I lost one tube and then I found my remaining tube was blocked once more so had to have surgery on that one again too. I never fell pregnant from the surgery but just wanted to share that it is possible to have them unblocked depending on where the blockage is.
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Jillybeanz2011
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Posted: Sun Oct 06, 2013 7:08 am 
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Cecilb, did you have your HSG on the nhs? We barely managed to find the money for reversal and now to find 500 or so for a HSG....

Nutty, what op did you have to unblock your tubes?

X
nutty1
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Posted: Sun Oct 06, 2013 7:24 am 
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They just did laproscopic tubal surgery, the end of the tubes that pick up the egg were folded and stuck down and they managed to free them.
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Cecilb1
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Posted: Sun Oct 06, 2013 10:29 am 
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Hi jilly, yes I did have mine done on the nhs.. After a year or so of trying I went to my gp with my concerns
And also my af probs (due to fibroid).. They sent me for an internal scan that
Showed up my fibroid. From there on I was sent to a gyne who then sent me for the hsg to determine if the fibroid had changed the shape of my womb and to see the patency of my tubes. All so
I could make a decision on what treatment I should take.. Ie contraceptive pill, coil, ablation or the big H. I still chose to do nothing for the time being as I'm still trying to get my head round it all.. The gyne has wrote to my gp to get them to refer me to infertility clinic. If I was you I would try your gp first. I found a sympathetic gp in my practice and she does what she can to help.
Was it your dr who suggested you have a hsg? Sometimes I do wonder if these drs do actually realise we are normal people with normal incomes.. Or do they prey on our vulnerability?
Cecilb1
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Posted: Sun Oct 06, 2013 10:38 am 
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Hi nutty, thanks for sharing your story. I'm going to ask when I go back to the infertility clinic if there's anyway of unblocking them. We are planning our wedding so I think any more cost is out of the question.. I've ordered my self some serrapeptase and red clover to see if that helps with scarring.
Have you thought about ivf?
Jillybeanz2011
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Posted: Sun Oct 06, 2013 2:07 pm 
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Cecil the dr that did my reversal suggested a hsg. I am going to try my gp first and see what they say. Like you I wish I had never got sterilised in the first place am so tired of getting my hopes up every month.

Thanks for your advice nutty x
Jillybeanz2011
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Posted: Sun Oct 06, 2013 2:07 pm 
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Cecil the dr that did my reversal suggested a hsg. I am going to try my gp first and see what they say. Like you I wish I had never got sterilised in the first place am so tired of getting my hopes up every month.

Thanks for your advice nutty x
DL05
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Posted: Tue Oct 08, 2013 7:21 am 
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Cecilb I had a similar journey after my reversal, not the fibroid but with the HSG. I had my reversal August 2010 and by Feb 2011 I wasn't pregnant as I had just turned 41 at that point and knew I didn't have much time I went to the doc and then had all sorts of stuff done,(Jillybeanz definitely try your GP first as the HSG should be done on the NHS x) all on the NHS BUT it was very stressful just getting some of the investigations because they did seem only too willing to give up after the HSG showed no fill Rolling Eyes
My HSG was slightly different to yours in that it showed no fill both sides but right at the uterus so no dye at all went into the tubes. Altogether I had 3 laproscopic ops after that two just with the dye and the last one with cannulation to try and move this 'blockage'.
I put it like that because when it's at the womb/tube junction it isn't always a true blockage or even if it is it can just be a little debris, like mucus or a tiny bit of womb lining. For me the first lap after the HSG showed that I had free flow on the right, which would have been great news apart from the fact I had no tube there Rolling Eyes just a little stump from where my right tube couldn't be repaired at the reversal Confused On the left though it still seemed to show this same proximal 'blockage' and the tube had an adhesion that was pulling it away from the ovary Rolling Eyes so I was left by the NHS after being told I wouldn't get pregnant but if I did from the right stump it would be ectopic or abdominal Shocked
I contacted my reversal surgeon who asked me to get my GP to refer me to him on the NHS and a few months later he did another lap, which I went into thinking he was going to try and unblock the left tube and came out of to find he'd just tried with the dye again but did nothing surgically when the dye didn't go through apart from remove the adhesion from the outside Mad but he had closed off the right stump, a cynical part of me now thinks he only got me in so he could close that right stump to protect himself as he was supposed to have closed that at the reversal Rolling Eyes
Anyway after that I received the devastating news off one of his juniors that IVF was now the only way I would conceive Crying or Very sad
I was gutted because by this point TTC for over a year was putting a strain on me and my OH and he'd just been diagnosed with a cyst as well and been told it was probably halving his sperm count and he didn't feel he wanted at that point to start going down the IVF route as he felt it would just lead to more disappointment especially as by now I was almost 42 and our odds of it working were even less than when we started Sad
So like you I tried everything I could think of, if there was a crazy idea on the internet I tried it Laughing None of it worked of course but I did go back for my follow up and actually saw a different doc who was very sympathetic, I mentioned to him that I had read about tubal cannulation as a treatment for proximal blockages and he happened to know a top doc at a Manchester hospital who does them so he referred me direct Very Happy It took forever to get to see him though but he seemed happy to do the op which shocked me a bit as I was expecting a fight Shocked Laughing Anyway I pinned all my hopes on that was convinced the op would move this blockage as it was nowhere near the reversal site so couldn't possibly be scarring no matter what the two previous docs had said, I was so confident it would work I even got some Noresthisterone from the GP so I could time AF before the op so I would just be a few days before ov for the best chance of still having an open tube at ov time Rolling Eyes Embarassed Laughing
Anyway I woke up to be told this proximal 'blockage' didn't exist Question It was either my tube spasming on the HSG and both laps or was a temporary blockage which had cleared itself Question
This like the right tubes free flow should have been good news but wasn't as this 'blockage' disappearing just meant they could get the guide wire and the dye further up the tube and of course right at the op site everything stopped moving Confused
So I was told the same as you scar tissue from the reversal Crying or Very sad nothing they can do as if they operate to remove it, it will just come back, so sorry but IVF is the only option(again).
Again I was devastated so I know how you feel Sad
I spent about 4 days crying then went back to Googling Embarassed
I suppose my points here are,
yes I do think a lot of private docs are in it for the money, mine played down the chances of IVF working massively which put us off that but also barely mentioned the possibility of a tube or tubes closing due to scarring, my OH doesn't even remember him mentioning scarring it was so brief.
With hindsight knowing the method of my sterilisation then IVF might well have been a better choice Question
Sadly I do think that if you have scarring in the tube at the actual reversal site then the chances of it being removed and you having a successful uterine pregnancy are not great Sad
I have read many stories of women who were told their tubes were blocked and then found out they were pregnant, and those gave me hope but to be honest they all seemed to be either possible spasms mistaken for scarring as maybe my original 'blockage' was or a few cases were women who had IVF pregnancies which stretched their tubes and probably pulled the scar tissue apart which then allowed a natural pregnancy after, I couldn't find any of a woman after reversal who was told her scarring was at the op site and then went on to have a natural pregnancy Sad
It didn't stop me from trying stuff still, I have red clover tincture and red clover pill,and about a dozen other tinctures as well. I have Serrapeptase and Nattokinase, I bought an ultrasound massage machine that's suppose to break up scar tissue. I've been using one of those slendertone ab belts because someone on here used one the month she got pregnant Embarassed Laughing , I tried self fertility massage, yoga for the blood flow, Dong quai, DHEA etc. etc. etc. the list goes on and on Rolling Eyes Laughing
and all most of it did was build my hopes up and then make the disappointment worse Rolling Eyes
It's been a year now though since I had the cannulation and I've put a lot of time and energy (and money)into trying everything I can think of and still every month the witch shows up.
The thing that's finally helping me get my head round it is doing other things Question , I still take the Serrapeptase every morning but its just the same as taking my vits now, I don't read anything into it.
I've taken my life off hold, I'm selling the car I bought thinking I'd need more space for baby seats, the spare room I was thinking of as a nursery is now my study, everything we'd done over the last almost 4yrs now was geared towards the idea we would have a new baby.
Now I've started college, which I'd been putting off in case I got pregnant, and am planning a new career and making plans for the future and I'm too busy to worry too much about baby making and it's done wonders for me mentally Very Happy
I'm not saying I didn't still get a twinge when the witch arrived today but I wasn't in floods of tears and it won't ruin the rest of my week like it once would Embarassed Laughing
I suppose my point is please don't count on anything working to help your tubes repair, scar tissue is our bodies repairing damage, so unfortunately even though from our point of view it's in the wrong place or there's too much of it our bodies feel like they've done their job and no amount of herbs or enzymes or massage is guaranteed to convince it to get rid of something it thinks should be there.
It would be wonderful if it did mind you, but even removing it surgically then causes scarring Confused
But in your situation now I wouldn't waste time waiting for that miracle if there was another option Question
If you do still want to try IVF after your wedding then there are some great clinics in Europe, some who specialise in women with high FSH and low AMH, mini or low dose IVF is another option, highish or fluctuating FSH doesn't necessarily equate to a low response anyway especially if you spend some time preparing yourself physically first. There are quite a few sites out there with info on lowering FSH. The fact it's just fluctuating and not always high would suggest maybe it is something you can do something about,so it might be worth looking into Question
Sorry for rambling on but I've had so many different knock backs and seperate ops it takes some explaining Embarassed Laughing
I hope you do find something that works though (oh and in case Nutty doesn't see your question, she did have IVF and although it wasn't successful first time she is now pregnant and due in a few weeks time Very Happy ) Good luck xx
Jillybeanz2011
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Posted: Tue Oct 08, 2013 8:29 am 
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DL05 x I always feel so much better after reading one of your posts Very Happy .. I will try the nhs first and see what they say at least I will save about 500... Is the procedure painful.

I wish In a way that I had of taken your advice when I first started looking into reversal, as at the time I was accepted to become a egg donor for ivf but cancelled... I should have listened and trusted my instincts, to late now though.

Lots of love ladies xxx
Cecilb1
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Posted: Tue Oct 08, 2013 8:39 am 
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Hi DL05 thanks for sharing your experience, it's so emotionally draining isn't it? There isn't much support for people in our situation either. I think the view is that you've already got kids and you chose to have it done!! But to be fair, I was 25 and really not in a good place with my ex.. When I went for the consultation it was brief and I was booked in there and then . I wasn't given any other methods of contraception.. Like these pill injections etc.. (Although they prob weren't about it was 13years ago😳)

I was just saying to my oh that it's time to let go and stop putting our lives on hold.. (I actually went out and had a few drinks with my friends 🍹🍹) I have started looking at college courses also.. I didn't want to change my job as it's so flexible and could work round a baby. Wow, it's amazing how we can build a perfect life in our own minds then get so frustrated with ourselves when it doesn't happen. It feels like I'm mourning a life/baby I never had.😔 in a sad way I'm relieved to know that there was a reason to why I am not getting pregnant, every month when af would arrive I blamed myself, my age, why did I leave it so long before having the op.

People say I'm mad to want more children as mine are off doing there own thing, and as I had them young I should use this time for myself.. I think I have a touch of empty nest syndrome and feeling a little redundant. I am so grateful to have had three, but it does not take the pain away and yearning for something that will never be. Hey ho..Now I can tick a few things of the bucket list!
Hi DL05 thanks for sharing your experience, it's so emotionally draining isn't it? There isn't much support for people in our situation either. I think the view is that you've already got kids and you chose to have it done!! But let's be honest I was 25 and really not in a good place with my ex.. When I went for the consultation it was brief and I was booked in there and then . I wasn't given any other methods of contraception.. Like these pill injections etc.. (Although they prob weren't about it was 13years ago😳)
I was just saying to my oh that it's time to let go and stop putting our lives on hold.. (I actually went out and had a few drinks with my friends 🍹🍹) I have started looking at college courses also.. I didn't want to change my job as it's so flexible and could work round a baby. It's amazing how we can build a perfect life in our own minds then get so frustrated with ourselves when it doesn't happen. It feels like I'm mourning a life/baby
I didn't have.. 😔 in a sad way I'm relieved to know that there was a reason to why I am not getting pregnant, every month when af would arrive I blamed myself, my age, why did I leave it so long before having the op.

People say I'm mad to want more children as mine are off doing there own thing, and as I had them young I should use this time for myself.. I think I have a touch of empty nest syndrome and feeling a little redundant. I am so grateful to have had three, but it does not take the pain away and yearning for something that will never be. Now I can tick a few things of the bucket list!
I have learnt a lot from this experience and done a lot of soul searching and at least I tried which I know I would of regretted if I didn't.. I will stick with my dog for know (who is always pleased to see me, unlike my stroppy teenagers😂)

As for ivf I think we will sleep on it as cost is a big problem financial,relationship and heartache. I will prob still google everything as google seems to be my best friend nowadays😂!

I have learnt a lot from this experience .. done a lot of soul searching , but at least I tried which I know I would of regretted if I didn't.. I will stick with my dog for now (who is always pleased to see me, unlike my stroppy teenagers🐾😂)

As for ivf I think we will sleep on it as cost is a big problem financial,relationship and heartache. I will prob still google everything as google seems to be my best friend nowadays😂!

Great news for nutty!! And good luck to you with your future plans ☺️🍀🍀🍀
Cecilb1
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Posted: Tue Oct 08, 2013 8:44 am 
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Oops that last post went a bit wonky.. 😂repeating myself👵👵it's my age.. I also say all my kids names before getting to the right one😂
DL05
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Posted: Tue Oct 08, 2013 3:13 pm 
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I know exactly what you mean about some peoples attitudes, in my case I have two children with my OH so I know some people think I should just be grateful for that (and I am) but still there was always that longing, many of the reversal ladies were in the same situation as you with bad relationships or pushed into it by ex's and didn't get any counselling or even any suggestions of other contraception, and the implant was available 13yrs ago as I had it after my daughter for a while, the pill injection was available then too, but I think the NHS see it as sterilising you is a one off cost and then they know they won't have to spend anything else on you in the future whereas contraception is a long term cost with the possibility of future pregnancy costs and the cynic in me thinks that doctors are encouraged to push sterilisations, which cause massive amounts of heartache when women regret it later on Sad
I had mine done during an emergency c section with a prem baby after being pressured into it while being prepped Shocked it had never been mentioned before that night, I was supposed to be having a natural birth so it had never been brought up. So I did get a lot of sympathy to be fair from the docs I saw in the UK unfortunately my op was done in Germany when my OH was in the army so while they were sympathetic here they wouldn't reverse it for me Rolling Eyes
But I totally understand the mourning aspect of it as I felt the same after being told I was officially infertile Crying or Very sad and the feeling a bit redundant as I had my first young and it was all I'd ever done really being a mum Question
I think that's why I decided to do something about a career now and being in college and having a new focus has made a big difference, if by some miracle I ever did fall pregnant that would be a blessing but now if I don't there's plenty to be getting on with Wink Laughing
I also get what you mean about it being good to have a reason which is part of the reason I had multiple laps as I wasn't convinced by the HSG and I wanted to know for sure what was happening and that there wasn't anything more I could have been doing, that we weren't just getting the timing wrong, or it wasn't that my eggs were decrepit or anything Laughing so having a physical reason sort of helps with that doesn't it Question
I am glad I tried as well, I would have liked to give the IVF at least one shot too, but as I'm 44 soon Shocked I think it's a bit late for me now Question
IVF is expensive but you can get a cycle for around 3,000 either here or in Europe, and from what the IVF Ladies say for some of them it wasn't as stressful as they expected and it seems to go by very quickly too, except maybe that 2 week wait.
Google can be good for information and other peoples stories. I had a serious google addiction at one point but I've weaned myself off now Embarassed Laughing xx
Jillybeanz I didn't find it painful, I had a brief cramp when the dye went in but then nothing even though they were using a lot of pressure. You can take painkillers and ibuprofen beforehand as well and buscopan (for ibs ) is supposed to be good for stopping spasms too which apparently can make it more painful, but it's over really quickly anyway Smile xx
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