Posted: Thu Jan 22, 2015 7:33 am
Post subject: Where my dream can come true?
Hello everybody! I am 34 years old. When I was student I was diagnosed with MRKH and from that time I knew I would never deliver a baby to this world… Now I am married for 4 years with great man who I love more than life. We both dream to become parents, and it is so hard for me not to cry every time I see happy FULL family with little kids… How these children are smiling… That is my biggest dream ever, I never wanted something that much! Because of MRKH, obviously, I can not be pregnant. But my eggs are ok. With my husband we decided to make our dream come true through surrogacy. We understand that genetically this child will be ours, and this is the most important point for us to choose surrogacy instead of adoption of someones kid. Unfortunately French law forbids surrogacy so we need to find another country to do it. Maybe some people on this forum have any experience to share? Where our dream to be parents can come true? Thank you in advance!
Posted: Thu Jan 22, 2015 8:14 am
Hi Florans! I totally share your feelings about having your own child. My husband and I faced the problem of infertility as well… And I really feel bad for my hubby, cause I`m the one who has diabetes and can not carry pregnancy because of it Sometimes I think he should have married another woman, who could bring him a child… As it turned out my only option is surrogacy with donor eggs (my own ones can`t be used due to diabetes). So we decided to be strong and patient enough and started to look for clinics which do surrogacy with DE. So far we`ve been to 2 clinics in different countries and it`s pretty difficult to make a decision, as there are so many points to consider And it`s even harder when you realize that exactly on this decision depends the future of your family…
Posted: Thu Jan 22, 2015 9:13 am
The clinics I visited differ in some points. Well, I liked more the american one: modern equipment, great doctors, awesome living conditions, great success rates But the price is so high… It`s unaffordable for us. Totally different price is presented by georgian clinic, all the medical part seems to be fine as well…but success rates are not high enough. We`re going to visit more clinics in the nearest future. Actually this is all my experience in surrogacy for now, but I will try to keep you updated
Posted: Fri Jan 23, 2015 1:51 pm
Hi everybody, I want to share my surrogacy experience an hope it will be helpful for you!
My husband and I have dreamed about a baby since we got married, or even before, cause as I saw my future hubby, I decided: that was exactly how my son would look like. But I have MRKH so it seemed impossible for us. I can`t get pregnant, but there is nothing wrong with my ovums or with my husband`s health. But we decided that we would do everything what was up to us to get a kid. We started to consider surrogacy. Neither my husband nor I see something weird or wrong in the medical aspect of surrogacy. The only off-putting moment is the price. It`s so expensive! Thus and so we were looking for the best price in all over the world. And, finally, we found one Russian clinic which kind of fit us. It wasn’t that cheap and there were other options with lower price, but, still, we were ok about that clinic. We were assisted well, the staff was polite and everything seemed to be fine. The surrogate was done with the IVF procedure and the process started. We were waiting so hard for the birth of our son (we knew it was a boy) and came to Russia the next day after the kid was born. The moment I saw my son was definitely the best in my life. Everything seemed to be so good, we finally were totally happy. But then it turned awful. Right after the best moment of my life came the worst one: the husband of the surrogate mother showed himself. He told that the child was his and he was the only father and his wife – the only mother possible. The document processing stopped, and we couldn`t get our child. The so-called “father” presented us with an ultimatum: we give him 30 thousands of dollars or we not gonna see our son again. The so-called father of genetically OUR kid told us that we had to pay in order to get OUR son. If not – he wouldn`t sign any document and keep the kid (OUR kid)!!! As the clinic was paid for everything, including the preparation of documents and stuff, we were sure that they would solve that kind of problem.
But, guess what: the only thing the manager told us – “[*CENSORED*] happens”!!! Can you even imagine it? The clinic, legal organism, which dares to take the responsibility for giving birth to kids when something goes wrong gives you a “[*CENSORED*]-happens” answer instead of providing help and executing their duties? What a hell is wrong with these russians? And then they just notify you that after the kid`s birth, it`s not their business any more. Our manger told that it was for the benefit of us to come to an agreement with the “father”. So that actually we just had to cope with it by ourselves… It`s hard for me to revive memories of all that stuff again and again… You just try to imagine how one is supposed to feel in that kind of condition. After several visits to Russia, long-period expectation, being worried even nervous about the pregnancy period and the condition of our surrogate mom… When we were told that our baby was coming, we were so excited! We couldn`t wait to hold our kid and hug him, kiss him, call his name in loud... But it turned out that we were not able even to see him! Nobody let us in maternity hospital, after the birth. And then, in few days, the woman, who was a surrogate mom for us, together with her husband decided to enrich by chance and make some money on people who had come so close to their dream of becoming parents… What could we do about it, being in foreign country, abandoned and rejected by the clinic? We had to count just on ourselves. Of course, the “father” realized that he could ask whatever he wanted from us… Cause he had the game in his hands keeping our child. Ultimately somehow we found the whole sum of money and paid these 30 thousands. We fell into debt but it didn`t matter as long as we could take our kid home. It was so hard, but it was worth it, our son is such a little angel! Nobody told us it would be easy but that difficult – not every couple could handle it (thanks to my husband and our families we were strong enough to cope with this)!!! So if you have any chance to avoid all these troubles do your best and be smarter than we were… Make your clinic check the documents of the surrogate mother to make sure she isn`t married and it will be better if she never was. And if it turns out that she is, tell her bye, it will make your life a bit easier.
I can complain a lot about the Russian way of dealing with people…but, in fact, it makes no sense, I guess it is their mentality. Just want to let everybody know, what kind of danger you are likely to face while getting involved with Russian clinics. Think twice before making any decision, and try to find out all the information about the people you are going to deal with. Go behind as much forums and websites on the topic of surrogacy as possible, in order to get an indispensable information from the first hands. And get ready for the long and stressful process during which the most valuable is the support of your people. Good luck!
Posted: Wed Jan 28, 2015 2:44 pm
Hi Megwie, feel so sorry for you! Thanks God now everything is good and all your family finally got home! I can`t understand how people can act like this… They seem to have lost their humanity. You really scared me! Your story has a happy end, but I realize that there are more people who face the same problem. And not all of them are able to solve it. It is really sad that countries who offer this kind of service, I mean surrogacy, let situations like yours exist. Thank you for sharing this story I think it is really helpful for people like me… For those who are trying to decide for some clinic to go with for a surrogacy. I actually didn`t count on Russia but still wanted to check some clinics over there. Now I am pretty sure I am not going to do it.
Anyway congrats on your success, you are mother now and it is the only thing that matter
Posted: Fri Jan 30, 2015 11:15 am
Hi girls! I `ve just saw your discussions of surrogacy, where to go and what clinics to check. Well, unfortunately, I don`t really know what country or clinic to check. But, for sure, I know where you should never go. It`s INDIA !!! Well, I will start from the very beginning. I had my uterus removed when I was 23. After I got married we started to think of a child. My husband wanted to adopt a kid, but I preferred surrogacy. The main reason for surrogacy in my case was that I had no problems with ovaries and my eggs are supposed to be fine. So we were looking for a surrogacy on my own eggs. We did not know about agencies or something so we just found a clinic which seemed to be fine. I read some articles about Indian surrogacy and was not that afraid to go there. We booked a room in a hotel in Deli and just came. The clinic seemed to be fine the only thing was that the equipment was old-fashioned. But the doctors looked impressive so we were okay. My husband does not speak English, luckily I do. Cause if I did not we would have to find some interpreter on ours expense. Well everything was okay then, we signed what we had to sign, paid money and went back home. Our surrogate got pregnant after the first embryo transfer.And two embryos survived so we were waiting for twins. The manager was telling us that the surrogate was good and nothing wrong with pregnancy. We contacted our manager every week to know how the pregnancy is going. We asked if it was possible for us to get any ultrasound. Then our manager told that ultrasound check is not used in India and is forbidden. It was a shock for us but there had to be some different way to check, for sure. We asked if she the doctor of the clinic checks her.And then we were told that the surrogate is checked by the local doctor, as she lives out of Deli, in some countryside or something like that. But our manager was telling that everything was controlled well. So we were waiting and waiting for our children to be born. Then we got news from the clinic: we lost one of the twins, it was 5th month of pregnancy. We were so frustrated it`s difficult to describe how we were feeling. We asked for a reason and we were told that there was no evident reason for it to happen. That it was just a miscarriage. We coudn`t do anything more but just wait for the birth of a child. What we were doing for another month. And then another news miscarriage. Again no reasons it just happened. We lost a lot of money, but it`s ok. We didn`t care about money, the only thing we could think about were our lost children. The clinic offered us to sign another contract with a discount as for the second attempt. But we refused. It was to hard to live it one more time. I was so stupid not to check out all the information about this clinic and surrogacy in India at all before starting the journey. I wish somebody had told me that. It happened half year ago, and I we are trying to get ready for another surrogacy journey. I know that this time I will be more fastidious and won`t trust anyone`s words without proof. I am going to start looking where we will go then. I know for 100 % it will not be India
Posted: Mon Feb 02, 2015 9:44 am
Hi there! Anamargoo, feel so bad for your loss. The surrogacy journey is not easy any way and you should be ready for everything. What can I tell you, just don`t give up and keep on trying! It is worth it! Your loss is not the end for you, you still can succeed. You will become mommy, that is for sure! Your husband and you will bring to school your beloved kids some day! I have now 2 years old son, born through surrogacy. I did 4 cicles of IVF and had miscarriages. Each miscarriage was so painful. And I went loosing my hope with every failed try. My doctor told me that I am not able to carry pregnancy and advised me to consider surrogacy. We went for it to India as well. Luckily we had no problems with surrogate and she gave a birth to a healthy baby. That was the most important. Maybe it was just luck… whatever it was we are happy for it But not everything was that smooth. I have PCOS so it was impossible to retrieve my eggs and we used the donor`s ones for IVF. So we knew we would use donor eggs for surrogacy too. I don`t see anything wrong in surrogacy issue and don`t feel shame to be a part of it or something. The only thing I do not really want to `advertise` is that I am not a biological mother of my son. When we decided to go to India for surrogacy we did not think about the donor. Just after we signed papers we realized that all the eggs` donors must be Indian women. Like, it is obviously that Indian clinics have Indian donors. That was kind of inconvenience for us as we wanted our child to look European as we do. We asked our manager if it was possible to get European donor. And she told us that there is no problem and they can do so. And the manager made us feel sure that everything will be fine with a donor. So that for us it was a surprise when we saw our boy, who was swarthy and had typical Indian features. Now he has huge dark eyes and lovely dark hair. He was very cute then and he is now, but we did not like this attitude to us. I mean the clinic cheated on us, they promised to provide a non-indian donor. Well it is not that important because we have got a son. Before he was born I thought it would bother me a bit, the fact that he looks Indian. Like, I used to think it would be difficult for me to accept my baby seeing that he has nothing in common with mu husband or me but with a donor. But it does not. He has an exotic appearance and looks very cute. He will turn soon in a very handsome man who looks differently from others and will become a real heartbreaker. By the way my husband learned to tell really funny stories about his Indian origin So what can I tell you about India? It gave me a child, it was because of our luck or destiny I don`t know. Because for me it was very difficult not to know how is the pregnancy going, as I was not given any kind of report (like ultrasound which is not allowed in India as it was mentioned already above). I got just words from the clinic: she is okay that is it. These moments I did not really like about India. I am thankful to this country for my little man but if we decide to get him a sister or brother I do not think we would try our luck in India another time
Posted: Mon Feb 02, 2015 11:36 am
Girls, I did not even expect to get so many stories in response! Thank you ladies! All this is very helpful for me and will be really good to know for every couple starting their journey! Now I am pretty sure there is no need to check Indian clinics Anamargoo, in your case I can not even imagine how people can leave it without any explanation. They can not watch you lose your child and act just like nothing happened… We need some guaranties from the clinic. When you are signing contracts it means you rely on them, trust them. And in response you need to get some guaranties. At least guarantee to be told, if something goes wrong, and get the explanation. Anamargoo, I feel so sorry for you, but stay strong and don`t forget that if you wish something it will come true! Every woman deserves to become a mother, and we are not an exception! It may sound not as an appropriate reason but I guess you just have not found the right surrogate yet. Antonellazz, congrats on your son! I wish you all the best and the most important to be healthy!
Posted: Tue Feb 03, 2015 9:11 am
Hi there! Florans, I totally do share your feelings, I have MRKH too. My hubby and I live in the US. For so many years we`ve wanted to be parents… The first option we considered was adoption. We were put onto the adoption list and were told that the waiting time depended on many factors. So it was impossible to tell when exactly we can get a child. We were just waiting, hoping that we would get luck some day… It was already 6 years of waiting when we realized that it could take us all life long waiting. And unfortunately we are not getting younger with time That was when we decided to try surrogacy. Thanks God it is legal in our state, we live in Fl. Our financial condition allowed us to sign the contract with American agency. And another good point was that we did not have to leave Florida for the procedure, as it was our comfort zone So we avoided all the unnecessary stresses. And now we have such a gorgeous daughter
Posted: Tue Feb 03, 2015 11:56 am
Hello Lilmag! I feel great for you, best regards for a newbie parent
how much did you pay for the program? I mean the whole price, icluding all kind of expenses you had to cover. If you do not mind me asking? Because as I know the price of your agency or clinic does not include money you have to pay for the accomodation and food for the surrogate. And know that if any health problems occure you are covering all the expenses as well.
Posted: Thu Feb 05, 2015 2:12 pm
Thanks for your congrats, I appreciate it! You are right, you are the one who covers all the expenses for the surrogate. We paid 130 for the program and another 20-30 thousands we spent on the surrogate maintenance. Luckily our surmom did not have any kinds of problems during pregnancy. Everything was fine. But we were told before signing contracts that if anything happens we are paying for all the expenses. To comment on the name of this topic, I can tell that US can make your dream come true. It just depends on how much money you are ready to spend. I know that American prices are not affordable for many people. And I also know that it is possible to find some alternative option. In the US all the procedure is very well organized. With no problems your baby gets all the documents needed. And the surrogate does not appear in them. But I talked to many people who went abroad and some of them have really good experience in Europe. So I think that you can make your dream come true spending less money. Good luck
Posted: Fri Feb 06, 2015 1:35 pm
Hello girls, as I see no men here yet. My partner and I are not a traditional couple. We are together for 5 years and now we think that it is time for a baby now. Many countries discriminate such couples like our, not allowing to get a baby through surrogacy. Because of religion or whatever it is. That is so hard for us to find where to go for a baby. And it is a really complicated topic, not all the people have the same attitude to it. Many just judge us and don`t even understand that we are good people… And will be great parents, who will give to their baby a lot of love and support.
We could try international adoption as well but it is very important for us that our kid has some genetic relation with us. I am a school teacher and my boyfriend has his business connected with medication. We have all the conditions and energy to create a full happy family. And now we are 30 and 32 years old, I guess it is a perfect age for a couple to get a baby.
I think I jumped on the right topic, because we have been dreaming of becoming parents for the last 4 years. And now we are looking for the country which can help us. I wanted to go to Ukraine, because I heard a lot of good stories and reviews. I liked the prices they offer and the way they work. But I am not sure if it is possible for us to go there. Because when I was browsing the internet on the international surrogacy question I found out that Ukraine allows surrogacy for heterosexual couples who are married officially. We are not so maybe we can find some ways to make the documents in a fine way… If someone has any information about it please share with us.
I know we can go to Russia or USA. But this forum is not the only place where I have seen people sharing their not very positive experience. I am afraid to go to Russia because I realize that the woman who is the surrogate can keep the newborn baby. And I see there are all the chances for it. And what to do then? Sell all what we have? Borrow money and what then? And it is not only about financial question, it is also about our health. I am not sure we can cope with such problems and just go through all this. I know that anybody will give me any guarantee that I can leave Russia with baby. And that is what scares me the most. I know it was possible to go to the India for couples like we. But, it used to be like that, recently it has changed. Now we, Spanish citizens, can not go to the India for surrogacy. And it seems like the only chance for us is US. But I know how much money you spend with it and it is a bit problematic.
Nevertheless, if you guys here know where we can go to do the procedure of surrogate motherhood please let me know. It is so helpful for me to read success stories of you. And I am sorry that some of you have gained it so hard. But it is great that you became parents and it worked. We are in need of some advice.
Posted: Mon Feb 09, 2015 2:16 pm
Hello everybody! I like this thread because it is possible to find here really valuable info. And I wish I had found it earlier, it would have made many things clear for me! I will tell you some previous information about my infertility problem. I have POF so in order to deliver a baby had to undergo ART in any case. There is no need to tell now how hard I have wanted to be a mother during all my life. Because all you who are posting here now I guess understand my feelings
I did not consider surrogacy at the very beginning. I could not even think that IVF would not be enough for me I mean would not work. The quality of husband`s sperm was fine so the only thing we needed were donor eggs. For me it was a bit difficult to accept the fact that I won`t have any genetic relation to my baby but in my case that seemed to be the only option. If this choice was not that easy for me could you imagine how hard for me was to decide for the surrogacy? But back to ivf. We went 3 rounds in Spain, of course with donor eggs and hubby`s sperm. The first try was seemed to be successful. I got pregnant and was really happy… But then I lost my pregnancy on fourth month. It was very hard for us, because we almost reached our biggest goal ever. We needed time to make a decision to keep on trying. And I had to recover after the stimulation and pregnancy… So in 1 year we decided to do another IVF. And second time I lost my pregnancy on 2nd moth… The third try: none of embryos transferred survived. My doctor told me that she is not sure how my body will react on another hormonal drug stimulation… And that it is better for me to move to surrogacy. As I told before this choice was very hard to make, but it turned out that it was the only option for us to get a baby. So we were waiting to start the surrogacy journey. We did a huge research…
First of all we had to find the country where to do it. It was actually the main point. I may repeat what was mentioned here before, as you discussed many things here. But I consider this information to be really important and can not just skip it. Almost in all European countries surrogacy is forbidden. So there were not so many options where to go. Of course USA seems to be the perfect place to do this procedure. Legislation is well organized, modern technologies, well experienced doctors and great living conditions for the surrogate. But the procedure is so expensive over there! And if some problems with the surrogate`s health appear it is getting more and more expensive. We do not feel to trust in Mexico, after all we have seen about it on the internet and TV… And we did not want to go to India or Thailand, I do not know if our reason for that will sound hilarious, but we did not want our donor to be asian person, as it will make our kid look asian. We are not racists, no way, but we want our kid to look like we do as much as possible. So we had 2 options left Russia and Ukraine.
We heard a lot about situation in Ukraine these days. And, obviously, after seeing all these terrifying pictures and videos from the war we were scared to go there. We decided to go to Russia, we knew that legislation is not perfect for the surrogacy but we thought it is not a big problem. We were thinking that if woman who is becoming a surrogate mother starts this kind of journey she is not interested in keeping a child, who is not related to her genetically. So we contacted several agencies and went directly to Russia. When we came there everything seemed fine. We came to the clinic to sign documents and find out all the information we needed. We made all the questions we were interested in and were assured by the manager that there would be no problems with legislation at all. But then happened something what I guess this clinic did not want to happen and did not expect. My husband and I were sitting with a manager in her office, reading contracts before signing them. I was feeling exhausted and needed some coffee. I went upstairs and there was a woman crying hard and talking to some man, obviously that was her husband. They were waiting to their manager to come. While I was waiting for my coffee to be made I could hear that they spoke the same language as I do. What I understood was that they can not go home with their child. I started a conversation, as I wanted to support them and to find out what exactly was going on. This couple told me that they currently have been staying in Russia for 3,5 months. And there are no perspectives for now, as the surrogate does not want to give them their kid. According to the Russian laws, the surrogate mother has all the rights to keep the child. And you can not do anything to it. They already paid her some money and then she wanted more. They advised us to leave this country and try to do the procedure somewhere else… Because this journey to your dream can turn out in the scariest nightmare you have ever imagined. We did not sign anything and went home, wanting to continue searching the right country.
Continuing our research, we talked to some people who already done the procedure in the Ukraine or is doing it and we were told that all what TV shows to us is not true. That the war is just on the boarder and there is nothing wrong with the capital. So we made ourselves brave enough to go there and see how the thing is over there. In order to make sure that there was no danger we came few days before the date which we were supposed to visit the clinic. And we were satisfied with what we saw. The capital was calm, everything was going on as in any normal city… People just were living their lives. On the street you could see couples walking, children playing some games, all the shopping malls, restaurants, markets and all things like this were open. We have not seen there any destroyed buildings and any military, just police as in any other country. We signed the contract with the clinic we liked the most and had many positive responses about. Before coming to the clinic we were in touch with the manager who is responsible for our program now. We sent her all the papers she needed (like our passports, marriage certificate, all kind or medical references and results of examinations we recently did). Also she told us to choose the donor of eggs on their website. We were really surprised that it was possible to do it, it seemed even a bit suspicious. But we were happy to get such option. We chose 5 women from the huge list of young and pretty ladies, who are mommies. And also we sent information on our flight tickets, for the driver to meet us at the airport. Can not tell anything bad about the clinic because for the moment we are okay with everything. They provided for us hotel and food, also we did not have to take cab or public transport in order to go to the clinic as there was a driver for us. The manager was nice and was able to answer all our questions. So we made the first payment and went back home. And now we are waiting for the surrogate. Or better to say we are waiting for good news from the manager. We returned from the Ukraine two weeks ago and now the clinic is looking for the surrogate. As soon as they find one we are going there again. Our manager told us that in general it takes 2 month. So she will just let us know 2 weeks before the IVF. Cause it will be necessary to pick up my husband`s sperm in order to use fresh material for the procedure.
If you have anything to ask it will be my pleasure to answer. As I just came back home and all the information is kind of fresh in my memory… Now I am trying to get used to the fact that my baby will be carried by another woman. And I think I am doing good with it. Another question which is still being considered is about meeting the surrogate… In any case I have some time to think it over. I will keep you informed how things are going. I wish all of you who are reading this message to make your dream come true as soon as possible! And in order to do it we all should share our experience… No matter is it positive or not really.