Posted: Thu Jan 22, 2015 7:33 am
Post subject: Where my dream can come true?
Hello everybody! I am 34 years old. When I was student I was diagnosed with MRKH and from that time I knew I would never deliver a baby to this world… Now I am married for 4 years with great man who I love more than life. We both dream to become parents, and it is so hard for me not to cry every time I see happy FULL family with little kids… How these children are smiling… That is my biggest dream ever, I never wanted something that much! Because of MRKH, obviously, I can not be pregnant. But my eggs are ok. With my husband we decided to make our dream come true through surrogacy. We understand that genetically this child will be ours, and this is the most important point for us to choose surrogacy instead of adoption of someones kid. Unfortunately French law forbids surrogacy so we need to find another country to do it. Maybe some people on this forum have any experience to share? Where our dream to be parents can come true? Thank you in advance!
Posted: Thu Jan 22, 2015 8:14 am
Hi Florans! I totally share your feelings about having your own child. My husband and I faced the problem of infertility as well… And I really feel bad for my hubby, cause I`m the one who has diabetes and can not carry pregnancy because of it Sometimes I think he should have married another woman, who could bring him a child… As it turned out my only option is surrogacy with donor eggs (my own ones can`t be used due to diabetes). So we decided to be strong and patient enough and started to look for clinics which do surrogacy with DE. So far we`ve been to 2 clinics in different countries and it`s pretty difficult to make a decision, as there are so many points to consider And it`s even harder when you realize that exactly on this decision depends the future of your family…
Posted: Thu Jan 22, 2015 9:13 am
The clinics I visited differ in some points. Well, I liked more the american one: modern equipment, great doctors, awesome living conditions, great success rates But the price is so high… It`s unaffordable for us. Totally different price is presented by georgian clinic, all the medical part seems to be fine as well…but success rates are not high enough. We`re going to visit more clinics in the nearest future. Actually this is all my experience in surrogacy for now, but I will try to keep you updated
Posted: Fri Jan 23, 2015 1:51 pm
Hi everybody, I want to share my surrogacy experience an hope it will be helpful for you!
My husband and I have dreamed about a baby since we got married, or even before, cause as I saw my future hubby, I decided: that was exactly how my son would look like. But I have MRKH so it seemed impossible for us. I can`t get pregnant, but there is nothing wrong with my ovums or with my husband`s health. But we decided that we would do everything what was up to us to get a kid. We started to consider surrogacy. Neither my husband nor I see something weird or wrong in the medical aspect of surrogacy. The only off-putting moment is the price. It`s so expensive! Thus and so we were looking for the best price in all over the world. And, finally, we found one Russian clinic which kind of fit us. It wasn’t that cheap and there were other options with lower price, but, still, we were ok about that clinic. We were assisted well, the staff was polite and everything seemed to be fine. The surrogate was done with the IVF procedure and the process started. We were waiting so hard for the birth of our son (we knew it was a boy) and came to Russia the next day after the kid was born. The moment I saw my son was definitely the best in my life. Everything seemed to be so good, we finally were totally happy. But then it turned awful. Right after the best moment of my life came the worst one: the husband of the surrogate mother showed himself. He told that the child was his and he was the only father and his wife – the only mother possible. The document processing stopped, and we couldn`t get our child. The so-called “father” presented us with an ultimatum: we give him 30 thousands of dollars or we not gonna see our son again. The so-called father of genetically OUR kid told us that we had to pay in order to get OUR son. If not – he wouldn`t sign any document and keep the kid (OUR kid)!!! As the clinic was paid for everything, including the preparation of documents and stuff, we were sure that they would solve that kind of problem.
But, guess what: the only thing the manager told us – “[*CENSORED*] happens”!!! Can you even imagine it? The clinic, legal organism, which dares to take the responsibility for giving birth to kids when something goes wrong gives you a “[*CENSORED*]-happens” answer instead of providing help and executing their duties? What a hell is wrong with these russians? And then they just notify you that after the kid`s birth, it`s not their business any more. Our manger told that it was for the benefit of us to come to an agreement with the “father”. So that actually we just had to cope with it by ourselves… It`s hard for me to revive memories of all that stuff again and again… You just try to imagine how one is supposed to feel in that kind of condition. After several visits to Russia, long-period expectation, being worried even nervous about the pregnancy period and the condition of our surrogate mom… When we were told that our baby was coming, we were so excited! We couldn`t wait to hold our kid and hug him, kiss him, call his name in loud... But it turned out that we were not able even to see him! Nobody let us in maternity hospital, after the birth. And then, in few days, the woman, who was a surrogate mom for us, together with her husband decided to enrich by chance and make some money on people who had come so close to their dream of becoming parents… What could we do about it, being in foreign country, abandoned and rejected by the clinic? We had to count just on ourselves. Of course, the “father” realized that he could ask whatever he wanted from us… Cause he had the game in his hands keeping our child. Ultimately somehow we found the whole sum of money and paid these 30 thousands. We fell into debt but it didn`t matter as long as we could take our kid home. It was so hard, but it was worth it, our son is such a little angel! Nobody told us it would be easy but that difficult – not every couple could handle it (thanks to my husband and our families we were strong enough to cope with this)!!! So if you have any chance to avoid all these troubles do your best and be smarter than we were… Make your clinic check the documents of the surrogate mother to make sure she isn`t married and it will be better if she never was. And if it turns out that she is, tell her bye, it will make your life a bit easier.
I can complain a lot about the Russian way of dealing with people…but, in fact, it makes no sense, I guess it is their mentality. Just want to let everybody know, what kind of danger you are likely to face while getting involved with Russian clinics. Think twice before making any decision, and try to find out all the information about the people you are going to deal with. Go behind as much forums and websites on the topic of surrogacy as possible, in order to get an indispensable information from the first hands. And get ready for the long and stressful process during which the most valuable is the support of your people. Good luck!
Posted: Wed Jan 28, 2015 2:44 pm
Hi Megwie, feel so sorry for you! Thanks God now everything is good and all your family finally got home! I can`t understand how people can act like this… They seem to have lost their humanity. You really scared me! Your story has a happy end, but I realize that there are more people who face the same problem. And not all of them are able to solve it. It is really sad that countries who offer this kind of service, I mean surrogacy, let situations like yours exist. Thank you for sharing this story I think it is really helpful for people like me… For those who are trying to decide for some clinic to go with for a surrogacy. I actually didn`t count on Russia but still wanted to check some clinics over there. Now I am pretty sure I am not going to do it.
Anyway congrats on your success, you are mother now and it is the only thing that matter