Posted: Wed Mar 05, 2014 2:13 pm
Post subject: my story
I’m new to this board!
Wanted to introduce myself briefly and to get some advice.
So if to be short due to the huge amount of fibroids I’ve done hysterectomy. so as you might understand i can't carry out a child now.
I don't have children at all but i really want to become a mother. I found an option for myself - surrogacy as the variant bcz i have completely healthy husband who wants to have his own child.
so we decided to try.
read a lot inf and positive responses on clinic in Ukraine. Who has ever been to Ukraine? Maybe you will advise me sth.
and i also want to know your opinion on surrogacy as a whole.
waiting for your responses
thanx a lot
Posted: Fri Feb 06, 2015 11:44 am
Hi Lara!!! Unfortunately, I`m infertile too… But don`t give up!!! The development of the medicine is really high. Infertility is not the reason not to become happy parents. I`ll share my story with you. I suffer from Asherman`s syndrome. My husband and I had two options: adoption or surrogacy. Actually the process of adoption takes a lot of time. We didn`t want to wait a lot. So we decided to make our dream come true with the help of surrogacy. We spent a lot of time choosing the best variant of the clinic. We compared success rates, legislation, prices and so on. I want to say some words about surrogate motherhood. To tell you the truth, those ladies are worth respect. They make dreams come true. Actually I know a lot of people who are against surrogacy. They think “How a mother could give her newborn to an unknown couple?” “The surrogate is an awful mother!” But they do not understand that all these ladies have their own children, at least one child. Moreover, the child is not genetically connected to her. Those people who are against surrogacy just do not have fertility problems. I`m sure they don`t have fertility problems. They are happy parents and they can`t even imagine life without children!!! Of course I understand that they get money for this. But everyone choses his way to earn money. And surrogate mothers are not an exception. Personally I think that they are great. They bring happiness to infertile couples!!! We were not an exception. After studying a lot of articles and forums we compared all the information which interested us:
1) Prices: They vary a lot! The USA shocked the most. One attempt costs ~100 000 $. This sum doesn`t include the expenses for the surrogate mother. The price in India is lower. But!!!! The conditions are shocking. Even the ultrasound check in not allowed there. So the pregnancy is not controlled. The prices in Russia and Ukraine are affordable.
2) Legislation: Every country has a lot of peculiarities. But the most shocking for me was that in Russia surrogate mothers have rights for the baby. So a lot of surrogate mothers just play on the feelings of the biological parents. They want to get additional payments. There a lot of examples of such cases. Concerning other countries I will not go deep into details. It is easy to find the legislation about surrogacy of every country in the net.
3) Success rates: Every clinic has its success rates on the official sites. But the only thing I understood is that success rate depends on the day when the embryo is transferred. Some clinics transfer the embryo is transferred on the 3d day, some on the 5th day. Actually in the natural cycle the embryo which is transferred on the 3d day is not on the proper place. On this stage of development the embryo should move through the tube. It should not be in the uterus. In comparison when the embryo is transferred on the 5th day it is more natural. On this stage of development the embryo is in the uterus as it has to be naturally. But one thing should be noticed, the embryo which develops in the tube develops not the same way as in the natural way. Actually the 5th day tube embryo corresponds in size with the embryo which corresponds to 14 days in natural development.
4) Choosing the surrogate mother: Firstly we thought that we have to meet with the surrogate before any procedures. But later we understood that the most important is the health of the surrogate mother. The surrogate mother must have at least one healthy child. She must be physically, emotionally and mentally healthy. Also she must be checked for genetic diseases. Also the blood group is very important. The surrogate mother has to be under 35 years. So the surrogate mother must be chosen by doctors. She must undergo a lot of medical tests before the program. Moreover the pregnancy of the surrogate mother must be controlled at least once a month. You must remember that a surrogate mother is not genetically connected with your baby!!! So your personal attitude to a surrogate mother is not important.
We had our surrogacy program in Ukraine. We didn`t regret anything!!! Our child is almost 3 years old))) We went to Kyiv. Actually we didn`t have any communication problems. The managers of the clinic organized everything for us. We had only to buy tickets. Transportation, accommodation, food, medicines… This all was organized for us!!! Our manager spoke English, so we didn`t have any problems. Actually we were able to meet with our surrogate mother on the 12 weeks of pregnancy during the ultrasound check. To tell you the truth it was one of the best day of our life!!! We could see on the screen our little child))) I even cried… We got the ultrasound checks of our surrogate mother every month. Moreover on the 12th and 18th the doctor did screening. It helped to predict the risks of the serious diseases. The pregnancy passed without any problems. So on the 7th of April 2012 our little girl was born))) I can`t describe our feelings!!! She was so little that I was firstly afraid even to pick her up))) We could not believe our happiness))) The process of the documents registration took about three weeks. The time passed very quickly because we were busy with our daughter. There were some things that confused us a bit. But they are not connected with biotexcom. Actually when we decided to go and buy some necessities for our baby it was like an adventure for us!!! Firstly we were puzzled because we could not exchange money. The ladies in the bank just could not understand what we wanted. In some hours we were able to exchange!!! Then we were puzzled… The shop assistant was not able to understand us. She didn`t know English at all!!! We bought all we needed but after this adventure we were completely exhausted!!! But this situation seems to us funny now))) So don`t hesitate))) Hope my information was useful for you. If you have questions I`ll be happy to answer)))
Posted: Fri Feb 06, 2015 2:30 pm
Hi there. I am looking into surrogacy too. MaryBr, your post is very helpful for me, as I am looking into different options and clinics these days. I totally agree with you on the value of the women who decide to be surrogatese. How much these brave women contribute in infertile couple`s lives. They do amazing job and help to create happy families! They are just so strong that I am excited about them. And I think it so wrong to judge them somehow... The point is that they are judged and underestimated just by those who have never faced any kind of fertility problems. And it is very sad. I am one of those who have experienced many times this kind of problem, I mean misunderstanding from the side of the people who have had children in a natural way with no problem… Sure they can judge, I wish some of them at least tried to imagine what does a woman feel when she is told that she will never ever conceive or deliver a baby…
But any way congrats on your baby! I do feel great for you! I have heard so many sad stories and now it is so good to see here a happy mom. Also your information about the peculiarities of embryo transfer, I mean the day, was something new for me. I read about the success rates and got to know that they depend on the age of the surrogate, age of the donor, right hormonal stimulation for both of them and correct and careful pregnancy control. And also the fresh material is very important for the fertilization. If the eggs or sperm used are frozen, there are less chances for success. But I did not read before about the importance of the day of transfer, I mean importance of these 2 days difference 3-5.
I am considering Ukraine as an option for my surrogacy journey. So it would be really if you could give some more information about the surrogate motherhood in Ukraine. And information about the clinic is important as well. I want to visit clinic before signing anything and starting the program. And I saw the name of this clinic before, many people on the forums are telling about their experience there. What I remember about this clinic is that you can choose donor by the picture there. Is this information right? Because it is pretty important for us to know, as this opportunity does not appear in many clinics and even countries. Would be great if you also could tell me how much money you spent there. Because sometimes you can be told one price according to the contract but at the end you can be surprised what you have to pay. Sometimes all these additional or extra payments can result even more than the price for all the program… Including the compensation for the suroogate! And also what money do you loose if you fail? I hope I we will not fail but it is important to know what you are facing. Thanks a lot for your desire to share your experience!
And please let me know if you don`t mind me asking more question about the clinic. I just want to be well prepared before going to Ukraine to check this clinic, if I decide for it. Do not want to waste my money and time. Thanks in advance xo
Posted: Tue Aug 25, 2015 1:25 pm
I think surrogacy in general is complicated issue. Some people can judge such women for their choices to get money this way. And it's quite fair, 'cause in most cases financial reward is the exact reason for becoming surrogate mother. But who we r to judge other people and who knows what can happen to us suddenly. These women make infertile couples happy. Isn't it a great thing??
As for Ukraine I think u've made a right choice. I assume u've already known about legislation there. But in case u r not, the first thing to remember is that there intended parents are considered the child's legal parents from the moment of conception and they are specifically named as biological parents in the birth certificate without any mentioning of surrogate mother. As for clinic there r several options:
New Life Ukraine. From what I've found they r trustable and quite famous in right circles. They seem to have thrived, opening branches in many new locations (like Poland and Israel, etc.) Have quite wide range of services. In here u can choose a donor but u'll get a possibility to see it once u r in a program not earlier. But there are few cons, in my opinion. On their official website there is no information about the cost of the programs. If u'd want to obtain previous info u won't get it 'cause it isn't presented. And it's not really clear what to expect when u come for the first time... http://www.newlifeukraine.com/
Nadiya Clinic. It's one of the most well known Ukrainian clinics in Kyiv. It's being mentioned favorably recently on the boards but it's oriented on Ukrainian citizens mostly and u may face language barrier which is quite important in such serious issue. http://nadiyaclinic.com/
Biotexcom is another clinic which is situated in the capital of the country. The positive thing about this one is that it deals a lot with foreign couples and they have not only English speaking but also German, Spanish, Italian speaking managers. If u visit their website u'll see http://biotexcom.com/ It's informative enough. In this clinic u also have an opportunity to choose a donor but once u've already selected a program. As well as in new life ukraine. What's more u can see description of programs and its cost which is definitely great. As for downsides I heard it can be really hard to get in touch with managers as they r not in office but in clinic with other couples. And all photos of the clinic on their website aren't what I'd like to see to understand its quality.
hope u'd find this info useful.
Posted: Tue Jan 19, 2016 8:14 am
Hi, hope you all are doing well.
A dear friend of mine lost her child at 22wks due to placental issues which nearly killed my friend also. Her little girl survived for only 25 mins while they performed an emergency hysterectomy to save her life with 5 blood transfusions. The surgeon is a miracle worker. She managed to save her life and her ovaries. The specialist couldn't believe her little one was born alive for that short time. Or that my friend survived neither should have happened…
Time passed and she is likely to get to norm now fully recovered.
Her options now are adoption or surrogacy. She, as you, did not ask for this, did not choose this illness, but is playing the cards she has been dealt.
My heart goes to you. I can only recommend looking into surrogacy, maybe speaking with someone who has, or an agency. My friend has had a close family friend offer to help her. Also she did speak with an agency who answered her questions and queries. So she had all the info to make a decision they all could feel comfortable with.
Lots of hugs to you and lots of prayers being sent your way for which ever option you decide to take xxx
Posted: Fri Jan 22, 2016 9:54 am
Post subject: infertility
Hello ladies. So sorry to know that things turned out this way for you. Hopefully, assisted reproductive technologies are so helpful these days for people with fertility disorders. It would be great to know the continuation of your stories. Perhaps, you are already holding a baby of your own in your hands. My story also deals with feminine health problems and infertility issues. However, I’m still uncertain of what I shall do next. I joined this board in order to get acquainted with someone whose story is similar to mine. Perhaps, together we will find the way out. Lots of luck to every of you, girls!
Posted: Thu Feb 04, 2016 7:47 am
Post subject: please rethink
Ladies, it seems that we have much in common. I was also struggling with infertility for many years. It was painful. It was devastating. My dh and I often had quarrels as to this.
Well, Ivf may be an option. If it works for you – great. We all dream of having our own, our bio child. But what if nature has other plans? The clinic usually offers you trying surrogacy. Think twice. Please consider adoption carefully as well. You’ll share your love and home with someone who really needs it.
I posted in another thread telling my adoption story. Hopefully, it was an easy decision for me and dh. We didn’t hesitate even for a while. Now we have our daughter. Each time I see her smile, I understand that it was a right decision. We gave this young pretty lady the whole world she really deserves.
I’m not going to give you a lecture. We all take our own decisions. I just want all ladies who strive for becoming mothers but due to some facts cannot do it in natural way to consider adoption as an option. Just think about it.
Posted: Tue Mar 01, 2016 9:52 am
LadyButterfly, I absolutely agree with you that adoption is a bless. however, adoption is not for everyone. it's not about fertility or infertility, loving children or not loving them. it's about readiness to become family for someone who has no genetic link for you, you don't even know how and where he was born. you just know that he needs you. and you need him in his life. you may love children endlessly, but if you have hesitations about adoption, don't even start. surrogacy also has a lot of hidden rocks. however, as a result you have a baby genetically linked to you and this is quite a different story.
Posted: Mon Mar 14, 2016 11:17 am
Hi, girls! I am so sorry for all of you. From the first look it seems that we have different stories and different diagnosis, but we are all in the same boat. We are infertile and it unites us. Adoption is a very good thing, but not everyone can deal with it. Even surrogacy is a very difficult process cause you haven’t the possibility to feel your child inside. Another women have chance to grow up their maternity gradually, but we haven’t. So we should be careful making a choice. Adopt if you sure you are able to love not your child, otherwise don’t do it, it is not a thing to return. For me it was difficult choice for surrogacy. I was in clinic that Jane told, in Ukraine. I was satisfied, good offers, not frauds. They are very popular among foreigners. I faced huge lines of people from the whole world there) Clinic has some inconveniences, too small building for so many clients, very noisy inside, and waiting for doctor takes too much time I think. But its worth it to become happy) I think it’s a good clinic for making a child)