Posted: Wed Mar 05, 2014 2:13 pm
Post subject: my story
I’m new to this board!
Wanted to introduce myself briefly and to get some advice.
So if to be short due to the huge amount of fibroids I’ve done hysterectomy. so as you might understand i can't carry out a child now.
I don't have children at all but i really want to become a mother. I found an option for myself - surrogacy as the variant bcz i have completely healthy husband who wants to have his own child.
so we decided to try.
read a lot inf and positive responses on clinic in Ukraine. Who has ever been to Ukraine? Maybe you will advise me sth.
and i also want to know your opinion on surrogacy as a whole.
waiting for your responses
thanx a lot
Posted: Fri Feb 06, 2015 11:44 am
Hi Lara!!! Unfortunately, I`m infertile too… But don`t give up!!! The development of the medicine is really high. Infertility is not the reason not to become happy parents. I`ll share my story with you. I suffer from Asherman`s syndrome. My husband and I had two options: adoption or surrogacy. Actually the process of adoption takes a lot of time. We didn`t want to wait a lot. So we decided to make our dream come true with the help of surrogacy. We spent a lot of time choosing the best variant of the clinic. We compared success rates, legislation, prices and so on. I want to say some words about surrogate motherhood. To tell you the truth, those ladies are worth respect. They make dreams come true. Actually I know a lot of people who are against surrogacy. They think “How a mother could give her newborn to an unknown couple?” “The surrogate is an awful mother!” But they do not understand that all these ladies have their own children, at least one child. Moreover, the child is not genetically connected to her. Those people who are against surrogacy just do not have fertility problems. I`m sure they don`t have fertility problems. They are happy parents and they can`t even imagine life without children!!! Of course I understand that they get money for this. But everyone choses his way to earn money. And surrogate mothers are not an exception. Personally I think that they are great. They bring happiness to infertile couples!!! We were not an exception. After studying a lot of articles and forums we compared all the information which interested us:
1) Prices: They vary a lot! The USA shocked the most. One attempt costs ~100 000 $. This sum doesn`t include the expenses for the surrogate mother. The price in India is lower. But!!!! The conditions are shocking. Even the ultrasound check in not allowed there. So the pregnancy is not controlled. The prices in Russia and Ukraine are affordable.
2) Legislation: Every country has a lot of peculiarities. But the most shocking for me was that in Russia surrogate mothers have rights for the baby. So a lot of surrogate mothers just play on the feelings of the biological parents. They want to get additional payments. There a lot of examples of such cases. Concerning other countries I will not go deep into details. It is easy to find the legislation about surrogacy of every country in the net.
3) Success rates: Every clinic has its success rates on the official sites. But the only thing I understood is that success rate depends on the day when the embryo is transferred. Some clinics transfer the embryo is transferred on the 3d day, some on the 5th day. Actually in the natural cycle the embryo which is transferred on the 3d day is not on the proper place. On this stage of development the embryo should move through the tube. It should not be in the uterus. In comparison when the embryo is transferred on the 5th day it is more natural. On this stage of development the embryo is in the uterus as it has to be naturally. But one thing should be noticed, the embryo which develops in the tube develops not the same way as in the natural way. Actually the 5th day tube embryo corresponds in size with the embryo which corresponds to 14 days in natural development.
4) Choosing the surrogate mother: Firstly we thought that we have to meet with the surrogate before any procedures. But later we understood that the most important is the health of the surrogate mother. The surrogate mother must have at least one healthy child. She must be physically, emotionally and mentally healthy. Also she must be checked for genetic diseases. Also the blood group is very important. The surrogate mother has to be under 35 years. So the surrogate mother must be chosen by doctors. She must undergo a lot of medical tests before the program. Moreover the pregnancy of the surrogate mother must be controlled at least once a month. You must remember that a surrogate mother is not genetically connected with your baby!!! So your personal attitude to a surrogate mother is not important.
We had our surrogacy program in Ukraine. We didn`t regret anything!!! Our child is almost 3 years old))) We went to Kyiv. Actually we didn`t have any communication problems. The managers of the clinic organized everything for us. We had only to buy tickets. Transportation, accommodation, food, medicines… This all was organized for us!!! Our manager spoke English, so we didn`t have any problems. Actually we were able to meet with our surrogate mother on the 12 weeks of pregnancy during the ultrasound check. To tell you the truth it was one of the best day of our life!!! We could see on the screen our little child))) I even cried… We got the ultrasound checks of our surrogate mother every month. Moreover on the 12th and 18th the doctor did screening. It helped to predict the risks of the serious diseases. The pregnancy passed without any problems. So on the 7th of April 2012 our little girl was born))) I can`t describe our feelings!!! She was so little that I was firstly afraid even to pick her up))) We could not believe our happiness))) The process of the documents registration took about three weeks. The time passed very quickly because we were busy with our daughter. There were some things that confused us a bit. But they are not connected with biotexcom. Actually when we decided to go and buy some necessities for our baby it was like an adventure for us!!! Firstly we were puzzled because we could not exchange money. The ladies in the bank just could not understand what we wanted. In some hours we were able to exchange!!! Then we were puzzled… The shop assistant was not able to understand us. She didn`t know English at all!!! We bought all we needed but after this adventure we were completely exhausted!!! But this situation seems to us funny now))) So don`t hesitate))) Hope my information was useful for you. If you have questions I`ll be happy to answer)))
Posted: Fri Feb 06, 2015 2:30 pm
Hi there. I am looking into surrogacy too. MaryBr, your post is very helpful for me, as I am looking into different options and clinics these days. I totally agree with you on the value of the women who decide to be surrogatese. How much these brave women contribute in infertile couple`s lives. They do amazing job and help to create happy families! They are just so strong that I am excited about them. And I think it so wrong to judge them somehow... The point is that they are judged and underestimated just by those who have never faced any kind of fertility problems. And it is very sad. I am one of those who have experienced many times this kind of problem, I mean misunderstanding from the side of the people who have had children in a natural way with no problem… Sure they can judge, I wish some of them at least tried to imagine what does a woman feel when she is told that she will never ever conceive or deliver a baby…
But any way congrats on your baby! I do feel great for you! I have heard so many sad stories and now it is so good to see here a happy mom. Also your information about the peculiarities of embryo transfer, I mean the day, was something new for me. I read about the success rates and got to know that they depend on the age of the surrogate, age of the donor, right hormonal stimulation for both of them and correct and careful pregnancy control. And also the fresh material is very important for the fertilization. If the eggs or sperm used are frozen, there are less chances for success. But I did not read before about the importance of the day of transfer, I mean importance of these 2 days difference 3-5.
I am considering Ukraine as an option for my surrogacy journey. So it would be really if you could give some more information about the surrogate motherhood in Ukraine. And information about the clinic is important as well. I want to visit clinic before signing anything and starting the program. And I saw the name of this clinic before, many people on the forums are telling about their experience there. What I remember about this clinic is that you can choose donor by the picture there. Is this information right? Because it is pretty important for us to know, as this opportunity does not appear in many clinics and even countries. Would be great if you also could tell me how much money you spent there. Because sometimes you can be told one price according to the contract but at the end you can be surprised what you have to pay. Sometimes all these additional or extra payments can result even more than the price for all the program… Including the compensation for the suroogate! And also what money do you loose if you fail? I hope I we will not fail but it is important to know what you are facing. Thanks a lot for your desire to share your experience!
And please let me know if you don`t mind me asking more question about the clinic. I just want to be well prepared before going to Ukraine to check this clinic, if I decide for it. Do not want to waste my money and time. Thanks in advance xo