Posted: Tue Dec 01, 2015 8:46 am
Post subject: surrogacy - the only way out
My nameís S. Iím 46 years old. Weíre a happy couple from Canada. But probably only a couple but not a full family. We donít have children and this is our most horrifying pain. Before marriage I happened to have a severe heart disease. But that time it wasnít fully clear that I wouldnít be able to give a birth to a child by myself. We hoped from the very beginning that something would turn for better and we would get rid of the disease. We tried to find the way out in numerous clinics abroad. My husband and I tried unsuccessfully to get pregnant with a variety of assisted-reproduction techniques, including IVF. But the fact was established forever Ė my health condition makes pregnancy impossible and medically risky. That seems we both Ė my baby and me Ė have no chances to stay alive together. Now Iím writing all this and canít stop crying. I wish it could be different! We cannot think of adoption, because my husband insists on having a biologically related child. But using surrogacy is still somewhat controversial for us.
Posted: Tue Dec 01, 2015 8:55 am
If you want to have a biologically related baby through new reproductive technologies and if surrogacy remains the only possible variant, just get used to it. It is a pretty good option. Besides you can choose from two kinds of surrogate mothers. It goes like following.
A traditional surrogate is a woman who is artificially inseminated with the fatherís sperm. Then she carries the baby up to term. She delivers a baby for the parents to raise. But the most confusing thing here is that a traditional surrogate becomes the babyís biological mother. Because it was her egg that was fertilized by the fatherís sperm. Another possible variant for this type of surrogacy is using donor sperm. But itís not your case anyway.
Another kind is a gestational surrogate. Successful result here may be achieved due to IVF. It makes it possible to harvest eggs from the mother. Then fertilize them with sperm from the father and place the embryo into the uterus of a gestational surrogate.
The surrogate then carries the baby until birth. And the great plus here is that a gestational surrogate has no genetic ties to the child. She is usually called the Ďbirth motherí. The biological mother is still the woman whose egg was fertilized; this is you, for example.
Posted: Tue Dec 01, 2015 9:01 am
As for me, Iím quite for gestational surrogacy. I cannot stand the thought that a strange woman can have any genetic tie to our baby. Some time earlier we worried about my disease. I mean, whether it could influence the genetics of our future children. God saved us we were reassured that it would have no relation to the health condition of the intended embryo. So, Iím able to produce high quality eggs. Now I can breathe in more easily.
Weíve also looked through some information concerning future-to-be surrogates. It is said that a surrogate must be at least 21 years old. She must have already given birth to at least one healthy baby. In this case she understands first-hand the medical risks of pregnancy and childbirth. The emotional issue of bonding with a newborn is also familiar to her.
They say that the most difficult part in the process is when a surrogate passes a psychological screening by a mental health professional. He offers different testing in order to uncover any issues with giving up the baby after birth. And finally, when she willingly signs a contract agreeing to her role and responsibilities in the pregnancy.
Posted: Tue Dec 01, 2015 9:05 am
Youíre absolutely right. I think you arenít so confused and embarrassed as you look like from the first sight. And itís absolutely good. If you have already started to study the necessary information, the desire in you both is really great. I understand you perfectly well, because was in your shoes one time.
Personally I know the people who prefer surrogacy due to completely different reasons. For example, intended mothers do not wish to experience any sort of pain and suffering. Reproductive procedures are also quite painful for the woman. And there are no specific guarantees. So, mothers may decide that they would rather utilize the surrogate method.
Also there are no worries about gaining weight, morning sickness, mood swings, hormonal imbalances etc.
The great obstacle for us was that we were afraid of some risky situations.
For you to understand better, parents cannot watch the surrogate mother every step of the way. There is no guarantee that she will carry the child in the exact manner that they would like her to. And there is always the risk that she could decide to consume caffeine or whatever that can potentially damage the childís health.
Some couples overcome all these doubts. Others donít.
Weíve passed a long way to our happiness. Doubted much, but did it.
Posted: Tue Dec 01, 2015 9:09 am
Itís clear that youíve through the surrogacy. But every fact is important for us now. Your letters are very helpful as from an experienced woman. I will be very thankful if you go into details with your story. Did you find or did you choose your surrogate? How old was she? How many kids did she have? What was her general attitude towards your problem? What did you like the most about your surrogate?
I know couples usually use some techniques to feel better. They say, while dealing with the problem itís important to think happy thoughts and remain optimistic. Itís useful for both sides of the process. Did you have any? Were those other couples or your doctors for the most part? If youíre still not tired of my questions, please, tell me everything.
Posted: Tue Dec 01, 2015 9:14 am
Everything is ok, Iím pleased to answer all your questions. Why shouldnít I if it can sedate you somehow. So, let me start with that we failed to find a surrogate from our surrounding. We had to choose the clinic first, only then were able to choose a surrogate. That was the most attractive surrogate for our profile requirements. We were sure that she had absolute understanding of the process because she was an intelligent person judging from her education and profession. She was there exclusively with the desire to help people become happy having their small sense of life. She was a noble woman of 32. She had already had 2 children and carried our child in the exact manner that we would like her to. First we met our surrogate on the 12th week of her pregnancy. This term is believed to be the safest one. So, the staff had all the preconditions to testify the success. That was the first time we could breathe again. Before it we were exhausted. You know, when people are overly optimistic, itís much easier to be let down by circumstances. We didnít think the world was going to end the next day, but also didnít like to hang our hopes on things working out on their own. Simply by the power of positive thinking.
Posted: Tue Dec 01, 2015 9:18 am
What country did you go to for surrogacy? The laws are rather intricate in different countries. Did you face any legislative problems? A couple should study the information carefully not to be deceived. Sometimes it happens so that a surrogate doesnít want to give up a baby after birth. She claims the child to be hers. Were you afraid of such possible circumstances
Posted: Tue Dec 01, 2015 9:22 am
I understand your fears. But look, we went to Ukraine for surrogacy. Earlier we found out that Ukraine is one of the very few surrogacy friendly countries in Europe. Iíll tell you about the pros of it. Unlike other nations that limit or even ban surrogacy, in Ukraine the intended parents of child are considered to be biological parents from the moment of conception. They are specifically named as biological parents in the birth certificate without any mentioning of surrogate mother. Importantly, the surrogate cannot legally keep the child after the birth. The child is considered to legally belong to the prospective parents from the very moment conception. In fact, there has not been a single reported case of a disputed custody claim arising over a surrogate parenting arrangement. In contrast, the laws in several US states (and in Russian Federation) allow a surrogate mother to keep the child after its birth, regardless of the agreements between the intended parents and surrogate mother.
In biotexcom they have legal experts and lawyers who provide all patients the necessary legal support. You can also have a heart-to-heart talk with them and ask for advice as well. Of course all pros and cons should be weighed. I tried to tell you about everything that made us trust the institution. With its help we became parents. Itís worth all the contradictions. Just find the silver lining. Try to be calm and look on the bright side!
Posted: Tue Dec 29, 2015 8:45 am
Hi, dear all! Happy to announce you our final decision!
We applied for surrogacy programme in biotexcom, fertility center in Ukraine.
For people here who hear about me at first. Briefly my story goes like in my 46 yo I was really muddled and anxious. Some time ago I found out that couldnít conceive naturally. Being stressed and miserable we applied for IVF and passed six cycles. It was a failure and again emotional ruin. Besides we wasted the precious time You know, itís so difficult to watch people round you taking care of their children and you are completely destroyed not even having a single chance!
I cannot find a right word for our state description. Just awful!
Finally we made our thought in favor of surrogacy. Just what if involve another woman into the process? If I cannot experience pregnancy myself (and this has already been stated) why not to try to become parents via surrogacy? And that was the idea. Great thanks to all for the support xx
The first appointment has already been conducted. Seems like weíre going to celebrate New Yearís Day in Ukraine Hope this country will bring us success!
Love to all you xx