Posted: Sat May 24, 2014 7:49 am
Post subject: anyone made a difficult decision
basically ive had problems with my in laws for years they have been awful, called me names , threaten to throw my through the door, chucked xmas in middle of street and told me to put them up my arse are just a few ... never been given a reason why they hate me but have a history to being awful to any of their kids partners.... anyway recently when I was pregnant I went over to try make amends for the sake of my husband and daughter and his mum wanted to be involved but dad said he didn't want to see me, ive got my marriage and my baby and good luck to me etc etc.... so when she was born I was still polite, let them meet her, went over to them on xmas day and asked if they would keep their jumpy untrained dog either in a cage in the room or in another room as I had just had a C-section and my baby was 5 weeks old, they took the dog out, (which I was really upset over) so I said I didn't want to go back to the house as I feel they disrespected my request as a parent but they can come to us.... which my MIL did.... for a while... she now hasn't seen my daughter since march as she feels I should take hmy daughter to her!!!
To be honest who they see and when they see people is always as and when they want to... they have fallen out with us countless times, not speaking to us for 6 month plus at a time... and to be honest I just don't want to do it anymore, I don't want to have to feel worked up everytime its a birthday and im beginning to get nightmares as I hate them so much.... bottom line I just don't want my daughter growing up around that attitude... weve been invited to a birthday meal tonight and ive said to my husband he can go if he wants but we aren't.... I feel ive done yrs of being the 'bigger man' and they choose as and when they want to be right with us and I don't want to play their mind games anymore.... do you think im being unfair to my daughter.... I really have tried and tried to be 'fair' and every few months theres always an 'issue' ive apparently done and ive just had enough I just want to avoid them and get on with our own lives and if they want to see her im not stopping them, but I feel they are being very petty putting the fact we should go to them over seeing their grand-daufhter??
Posted: Sun May 25, 2014 3:52 pm
Oh my you know what you mirror my situation with my inlaws to a T. Except my in-laws only say bad things about me behind my back never to my face. I have done as you are doing now, I don't go through to their house and have not for over 2 years. My reason was the same as you for a dog that they couldn't control and because of their attitude, I attended a Christmas meal when my son was 4 months old and not one of them spoke to me! My MIL moans about not seeing our children but makes to effort to come over. I also now refuse to go to family meals etc but allow my husband to go when he wants. I must say my life is so much more relaxed and easy now I have little to do with them but I feel bad for the children. Also I get annoyed with my husband for not sticking up for me and confronting them. Although I know deep down he is embarrassed about their actions.
I have the policy my door is always open but I will not ever go through. It's also proven they are not bothered because we see them only a few hours at Christmas, Easter and near the kids birthdays!!
Do what you feel happy with but children pick up on negativity which I didn't want my son being around.
Posted: Sun May 25, 2014 6:38 pm
my husband also wont stick up for me either, which I find quite offensive these days.... tbh ive said to him that if he cant go to them and tell them to stop being awful then there is no point us being together... to me if you are in love with someone then you would say something as you would hate to see the person you love hurting so much.... they also are nasty to him and emotionally blackmail him, he says he can see it but chooses not to confront them as hes scared they wont speak to him for 6 months etc.. if you ask me.. if they want to act that way, let them... I didn't go to the meal and if im honest the fact ive had a belly full of them is causing issues with me and my hub and I just want to be happy and I feel if im still with him and he doesn't stick up for me then what really am I fighting to save? its all going on in my head and I feel im like a woman on the edge! though a smile from my daughter makes me smile (and almost cry, as im torn of what to do)I feel bullied, and ive reached the top of my tolerance level
Posted: Mon May 26, 2014 11:21 am
His parents sound more mental then my in laws. They are very manipulative. I agree your husband should back you up, it sounds like he is somehow scared of them, which must have some deeper issues then perhaps he is saying??!!?? My husband doesn't have my back because they've never said anything to him so won't . Your husband clearly does have know what's been said so should set them straight. I know it causes relationship problems, as we have had out fair share because of his parents for the past 20 years!!
I don't know what to say but by the sounds of it your husband like a lot of men doesn't want to offend either of you. So what if his parents don't speak to him for months, then that's there loss!
Stay strong in whatever decision you come to but I would lay it all out on the table with him. Maybe then he will realise how much you hurt about it all.