Posted: Fri Nov 21, 2014 9:23 pm
Post subject: Advice/Vent needed - not pregnancy related.
Brace yourselves - this will be a looong one!
To give you an idea on my family life...I'm 28, I am married and have a beautiful 1 year old. My parents have been divorced since I was nearly 2 and I can barely remember them being together. My Step Dad (lets call him 'J') has been in my life since I was 3/4 so helped to bring me up. I want to state right now that he is not a bad person but he has lots of issues (drink/anger/pride/depression).
So...J and my mum have been together for a LONG time and have had 2 other children... my half-bro (20) and my half-sis (9). Things were ok until they both lost their jobs when the company they both worked for went into liquidation (2007ish). J suffered with depression as he felt he couldn't provide for his family and him and my Mum got into debt and had frequent arguments.
I can't remember how many times my mum has told me that she is going to leave J...and then she would change her mind and they would be ok for a bit when he is making an effort to be nice.
J lost his Mum who he was very close to very suddenly and his Dad followed not long after (everyone says he died of a broken heart). This obviously really affected J and he began drinking again....which, as you can imagine fuelled a lot of arguments. I know that there has been shoving and hitting involved on both sides. J is also very good at being cruel with his words and has, over the years made my Mum believe that she is thick/fat/old - she is not.
At this point in time, my Mum has gotten as far in the 'splitting up' process as she has ever gotten - they have put their house on the market and she is sleeping in the spare room.
It is affecting my bro and sis greatly and just last night J was arrested for fighting with their neighbour!
My Mum wants to just get away from him but this is killing him - he keeps breaking down into tears and then flying into an angry rage!
My Mum is very scared that he may do something stupid as he is that depressed.
Posted: Sun Nov 23, 2014 9:04 am
Wow what a story.! im sorry to hear what everyone is going thru!!
I dont know what to really say cause at the end of the day it is up to your mother what she wants in life and obviously she cant be putting up with a drunk who hits etc
what you and your half sis n bro need to do is comfort them both as they both gave you life and raised you and im sure they both need yous to be there and respect their decision in what they want. Obviously J doesnt want to leave the family but maybe tell your mum to tell him like 'look if you want to be with us then stop the drinking etc or i am out of your life etc' my mum has done that to my dad (long story BUT its a fairy tale ending now ) and mum,me,and my bro moved out for a while and mum said to get off the [*CENSORED*] as he kind of reminded me of this J and gues what!? DAD STOPPED!!! he hasnt had a drink in over 15 years and they hardly argue and are the match made in heaven... Dont get me wrong tho, mum n dad were the best ever parents to us kids
So what im trying to say is maybe your mum needs to scare him a little and maybe take off and stay somewhere for a few weeks and see how J reacts and you never know he might stop and they both may end up like romeo and juilet!!!
★☆✿ LIFE is like a camera,, just focus on whats important & capture the good times,, develop from the negatives & if things don't work out,, just take another shot! ツ ♥♡✿
Posted: Sun Nov 23, 2014 2:50 pm
Thanks Snooks....it's just that my Mum has left him before...he then swears that he will change and that lasts a few weeks/months at best! My Mum doesn't know how she feels about him anymore but she is worried about his mental state.
He needs to go to some aa meetings and to talk to someone about his depression but he is a very alpha male type, prideful man and won't go due to embarrassment.