MIL... Should I stop her from seeing her grandchildren?

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XxAvasmummyxX
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Posted: Fri Jun 20, 2014 8:53 am 
Post subject: MIL... Should I stop her from seeing her grandchildren?
Ok, I will try and keep it as short as possible. MIL has never met my two girls by choice f my OH as he hasn't spoken to his mum since he was 16. We were talking last night and he has said although he wants nothing to do with her ever that he gives me permission to take the girls to see her. This is an incredibly massive step for him as when we has Ava it was a straight no.

The only thing is I'm still apprehensive, while I want my girls to have a grandmother I hae heard stories about this woman about how she twists the truth and tries to manipulate people and I don't want her doing that to my girls.

The reason OH doesn't talk to her is because she abandoned him at 2 and lied about it until he was 16, she said his dad took him away when he didn't, which temporarily affected OH and FIL relationship.

What do I do?

My kids don't have any grandparents (apart from FIL) and I feel family is important.
At the same time I think if we stop them seeing her then out kids will one day hate us. On the other hand I'm scared my kids will become a [*CENSORED*] in one of her mind games (again, going off what I've heard)

This is a massive decision to make and I don't want to do anything hasty as my girls come first. Also once I make my decision there's no going back really...
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XxAvasmummyxX
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Posted: Fri Jun 20, 2014 8:57 am 
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Also if I do decide to allow her access, where do I start? Has anyone done this type of thing before?

How would I go about it?
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Banoffee
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Posted: Fri Jun 20, 2014 10:06 am 
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It's difficult but go with what you feel best for your children. Perhaps contact his mum and meet with her on your own. See how you feel about it after chatting with her and let's hope she has 'grown up'!!

If you do decide to introduce her to the children, it's probably best to do supervised with you present for long term. Then if you feel comfortable and your partner agrees, perhaps allow her if she wants to have them the odd time. It is nice for children to see grandparents if they have a good relationship. My son loves seeing my parents but hardly sees his over grandparents by their choosing, as they do not like me!

Test the waters with her and go from there. Presuming you have an address or number. Also women's instincts I feel are always right so go with what you feel.

Hope it works out
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XxAvasmummyxX
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Posted: Fri Jun 20, 2014 11:00 am 
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I'm just so worried. So many things going around my head. Would it be better to write a letter?

I also wouldn't know what boundaries to set and how...

I'm scared she won't love them because too much time has passed. So mayn't feelings and thoughts. I jut want to do right by my girls.

I want them to be given the choice rather than make choices for them, does that make sense?
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Banoffee
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Posted: Fri Jun 20, 2014 11:12 am 
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Of course that makes sense. A letter would be a fab idea. They are your children and therefore you should lay out how you want it to work, gradual introduction will probably benefit you all. As you only know about her from what you have heard its would be good to meet her at some point and discuss your concerns in a delicate manner. You will never know unless you give it a go and if it doesn't work out, at least you tried for the sake of your daughters. She may also turn out to be a fab Nan!
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happyhell29
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Posted: Sun Jun 22, 2014 6:27 pm 
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Truthfully If it were me I would not have contact. She's never bothered with your oh. He hasn't seen her in years and to be honest I wouldn't get involved. Everything you have heard about this woman is bad news. It's not like she is desolate for access.
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