Posted: Thu Jul 17, 2014 6:50 am
Post subject: Need some advice
Iv been wanting to post this for a while but feel a bit guilty about doing so.
My sister has got a little boy who has just turned one, and she is really struggling with him, quite a few people have mentioned they feel she is heading towards a breakdown.
First off she really doesnt seem to have a clue about feeding him, he eats a lot of Carb heavy food, pastry, sausage rolls, chips etc. She said he doesnt eat fruit so gives him cereal bars with fruit in, not realising they are full of sugar.
If we try and suggest food that he should be eating, she just throws it back at us. When her MIL has him she feeds him her food, not what my sister has sent and my sister goes mad at her.
She is getting very frustrated with him, he already knows how to play up to get her attention and will hit, smack and bite. He is a lovely kid, very easy going, just needs her to be a bit more firm with him.
We have offered her help, and she refuses. She wants to be a 'perfect' family and doesnt want any one else to help. Even her husband is worried that she is going to flip and hurt the baby.
We dont know what to do, how to approach her. She made my mom cry the other day and she was only trying to help.
Posted: Thu Jul 17, 2014 1:22 pm
It is a difficult situation and i havent really got any advice as such
One thing ive learnt is someone cant be helped unless they are willing to and sounds like she wont take help.
I was exactly the same , so stubborn and thought if i had help made me incapable of doing things myself , took a little while to realise i needed the help because if i wasnt looking after myself too i couldnt be at my best to look after my child.
I foind that if my little girl had too much sugar , sweets and her diet was becoming bad her behaviour would be bad too si maybe thats why shes struggling with him , plus the fact he knows he can probably get a reaction if he plays up. If he wont have fruit on its own maybe yogurts with fruit in or jellies got to be better for him. Maybe try him with some on the quiet and if he likes them surely she wud be happy hes enjoying it and carry it on.
Maybe speak to a health visitor see if they can suggest anything or talk to her for you, sometimes it softens the blow coming from a profestional she might be less likely to snap ir get defensive.
Dont feel guilty you have the absolute best intentions for all of them.
Sorry couldnt be more helpful. It is a tricky one
Posted: Thu Jul 17, 2014 4:30 pm
I'm guessing if she feels that her parenting skills are being criticised etc.. She is going to always be on the defensive and get frustrated/angry. Post natal depression and depression in general, could be a contributing factor in her behaviour and also with what you feel are struggles with feeding her son. Perhaps gently gently is the key, use a different tack, ask her how she is feeling in herself without bringing into the conversation anything about her parenting skills. She may open up to feeling down or overwhelmed.
It's very difficult isn't it but I really hope you get her to open up.
Posted: Thu Jul 17, 2014 8:46 pm
Thanks for the advice.
I get how she might feel like we are criticising her as I remember feeling like this myself.
A friend has tried talking to her, but she blames her husband, the house, garden etc. A tactic which I believe people with depression use?
When he is at my moms he eats all sorts of things, but at home if he pulls a face my sister takes it away from him.
I guess all we can do is just keep trying to get through to her. I understand that there is no 'right' way to parent, but when someone is obviously struggling you want to help.