Posted: Sat Oct 25, 2008 11:50 pm
Post subject: like being a mum?
it's come to my attention recently when people ask me if im enjoying being a mum i physically cannot say yes...
I love my son and wouldnt change my situation for the world, but i hate my life right now... i actually do feel so trapped, so overweight and ugly and just like i think about nothing but money even tho we have enough to live plus a lil more...most of all, it's incredibly lonely..
does anybody else feel the same or am i just selfish?
Posted: Sun Oct 26, 2008 9:38 am
i know how you feel.
i felt really trapped until i started going to mum and baby group, it was so scarey going on my own the first time but now its brill theres 4 of us mums who sit and chat (while the babies sleep mostly lol) and its really good knowing that im not the only 1 going through all of this. i know its such a mission getting everything ready to go out but try and get out it really helps!
i feel fat and ugly too, my hair used to always be nice but now im lucky if i get chance to stick it up in a pony tail in the morning! and that extra 3 stone of pregnancy weight is still sat there! i depressed myself the other day going shopping for clothes, tried on a top 2 sizes bigger than what i used to wear and it didnt fit! was not happy!!
hope you start to feel better soon, like i said ive got a lot better since getting out a lot more, i try to get out once a day if i can, even if its just going to town to get andrew weighed!
keep ur chin up i know it feels like every day is the same but im sure it will get better!
Posted: Sun Oct 26, 2008 11:38 am
Aaawww you poor ladies,you need to rememeber your babies are still very young and it takes time to settle into being a mum,your bodies are still recovering from the birth,your hormones will take a while to settle too.As for feeling fat i did the same "cheering up shopping trip" when my lo was about 12wks and came home empty handed and absolutley gutted! most women do not pop back into shape within a week of giving birth(my sister did so i stupidly thought i would)dont put pressure on yourselves,the weight went on slowly so will need to come off slowly.Try and relax and enjoy having a tiny baby this part will soon be over and the feeling of being a trapped milk machine will be a distant memory! I have to second wrigglers advice about getting out and about i also joined a mums &tots group and made lots of friends who i still meet up with 3yrs down the line,not bad to say i didnt think it would be my sort of thing,keep an eye on just how unhappy or down you feel though,if you make a few changes and still feel the same in a few wks it might be an idea to speak to your gp,chins up huns it will get better take care.
Posted: Mon Oct 27, 2008 10:25 am
i'd really love to go to a baby club but i jsut dont have the guts... i tried going once but just walked straight past it because im so shy its unreal.
Just feel really lonely, none of my friends are really 'into' babies, and half of my friends live in a different town and i havent even seen them since i've been 6 months pregnant...
i look forward to my oh coming home, but then get upset because when he does he goes on laptop, or xbox, or plays darts in garage so i'm just left on my own wit baby still...cnt blame him, he works hard all day why shouldnt he do something he likes when he gets home... i just feel annoyed when he does lol so we end up not talking much all evening..
i'm so paranoid he's really not interested in me anymore..don't know why cos theres no evidence!
think its just cos i look like a heffa!
I do try to go for a walk each day, just sometimes get bogged down by stupid housework!
Posted: Mon Oct 27, 2008 12:21 pm
aww niccsy sounds grim
rather than a baby group, have a look around for something that is more interactive with your baby - we have 'bounce and rhyme' at the local library where you sit with your baby on your lap, and sing songs and stuff all the way through. Hubby is similar to you - ever so shy, plus the double difficulty of being ALWAYS the only Dad at these things - and he manages with bounce and rhyme OK, cos he's not expected to talk to people, and doesn't feel all left out cos everyone is doing the same thing.
Maybe a baby massage or baby signing class would be better for you? you can kind of bury yourself in your own baby without the forced socialising of standard baby groups, but you are at least out with other people in the same situation, so you have the possibility of making a friend.
Poor hubby tried all the various baby and play groups, and has given up, cos he just feels like he sticks out like a sore thumb. Am cross with all the Mums out tehre that get all funny about a bloke turning up really!! his recommendation is the interactive stuff hopefully you'll find something useful!!
Posted: Mon Oct 27, 2008 5:57 pm
Niccsy it sounds to me like youre starting to get stuck in a rut matey,i fully understand all your feelings though,youre having a rough time of it.maybe you need to make a point of talking to oh about it as im sure he wouldnt want you to feel like this.Also if you cant bring yourself to go to any groups or anything just yet then,perhaps you need to go out with your mates in the evening without the baby,let oh look after him you may find this lets the two of them bond more,then in turn oh will want to do more with baby in general? im sure he would manage if you left him to it.Honestly tho at these baby groups most people there are really nice,we all go for the same reason,we all need to get out and realise we are still people not just mums.chin up xx
Posted: Mon Oct 27, 2008 7:57 pm
Oh I know exactly how you feel. I remember dreading someone asking me if I was enjoying being a mummy, cos I couldn't honestly say yes. I was hating it, felt really trapped and was miserable. I can only echo what the others say about getting out and about. Going to something like swimming or baby rhyme time at a library mean that you are not forced to talk to others, it just happens naturally as you play with your baby.
Try talking to your OH, I ended up having a go at mine as he would disappear to do his own thing at weekends, I told him straight I needed 'time off' from Poppy, he now takes responsibilities for her one day at the weekend, which gives me time to have a good soak in the bath, do my hair, go shopping, whatever. Believe me it makes you feel so much better and less trapped.
I do hope things improve, feel free to pm me if you want to talk more, I know exactly how you feel, don't let it carry on.
Take care, LD
Posted: Wed Oct 29, 2008 9:01 am
niccsy cant you get ur oh to come with you to the first mum and baby group or something, just so you know someone there? i know hes probably at work (mine always is lol) but can he say take a long lunch or take half a day holiday to come with you? that way it can ease you in gently?
also like the others have said, baby sign (although aparently cant start in my area till 6 months old! grr lol) and baby rhyme or masage, soemthing where you and your baby are doing it but you dont have to talk to anyone else but the possiblity of friendships is there? lol i wish that some of us ladies on this forum lived closer, would be so much easier if we could all like meet up and help each other out!!
Posted: Wed Oct 29, 2008 9:36 am
i know, would be nice if a few of us lived close!
I have a stupid phobia of people, when people are around i cant be a very good mum, like if we take braden to be weighed or to docs, my oh has to undress him because i feel like they are watching me and gna tell me im doing it all wrong, like i cant stop him crying if people are around because i feel too stupid talking to him in baby language... i know its silly cos everybody does it but im just a paranoid freak really lol...
Gna have a look whats around, if theres one in a nice local area then i think im gna have to brave it, getting so fed up of home!
my oh is dead good with braden, but hes a bit of a show off which annoys me, if we are at a family or friends house he wont even let me touch braden, like his mum had braden for an hour while we packed to come away for his training and when we went back braden was screaming, and wouldnt stop even tho oh was cuddling him, oh said lets get him home and i said can i jus have a cuddle first cos i didnt want him put in the car screaming like that and oh said no jus get him home... made me really angry, i took braden off him anyway and i stopped him crying by cuddling him but he only seems interested in changing bums, feeding and playing with when we are not at home... dnt get me wrong he does it at home but it seems like he really doesnt want to sometimes.
he knows i feel strange about doing it infront of people so i think thats why he does it but it makes me look and feel like a no good mum.
i dnt half moan a lot lol
Posted: Wed Oct 29, 2008 9:46 am
awww nics - I think that's a normal bloke reaction - they all want other people to go 'gosh what a great daddy'. My OH was the same - whenever we were out or people came round ours, he would leap up to change a nappy or make up a bottle - bit different when it was just the 3 of us!!
I'd definitely say try out a group where there is more of a proper focus with you and baby, like singing and rhyming, or baby massage. That way you don't all end up just 'chatting' about nothing, or sat around feeling left out.
Posted: Wed Oct 29, 2008 10:42 am
aye, he is a great daddy, wish he didnt think he needed to prove it!
Gna have a look whats around, soon as i get back home ... will do braden good as well as me.... i'd love to take him swimming but would have to go to a diff country so nobody would recognise me loll