Boss giving me grief.....help!!!!!

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Archie1
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Posted: Thu Mar 27, 2008 9:16 pm 
Post subject: Boss giving me grief.....help!!!!!
Hey ladies,

I've come back on here after a while away as I feel I need some replies from some pregnant chicks who may be able to suggest some solutions for me as you all have done in the past.

My boss is very passive/aggressive and unprofessional and primarily cannot cope with her own stress so instead of managing it productively, she takes it out on everyone else! As her assistant manager I tend to get the blame for most things that go wrong even if i've been on holiday or day off and the way she speaks and screams at myself and some of the other staff is quite disgusting sometimes. My area manager did a risk assessment back at 12 weeks and said I was to have extra breaks, not to be on the shopfloor constantly all day and no overtime as I also suffer from CFS which can make me even more tired with bad joint pain. She ignores this and tells me I have to "deal with it" as they didn't have that nonsense when she was pregnant last year.

Last week she screamed and swore at me for the first half hour of the day when I went in about a whole host of different things and I stood and took it all when maybe I shouldn't have and kept saying sorry in the hope she would just calm down and leave me alone. Later on she had calmed down and went on about how she's not coping with not being able to see her son very much because of the hours we work, obviously trying to justify why it was ok she had, had the earlier outburst.

I could go on forever but today was the last straw when I realised that I need some advice. This week I have been feeling like I have the flu coming on with a sore throat, cough etc and had mentioned it this morning that i wasn't feeling 100%. Later around lunchtime she instigated a conversation about how if I called in sick it would mean i would have to start my mat leave early (i'm only 24 weeks!!!!) I just nodded and said i must have been mistaken and left it alone but she was obviously trying to scaremonger me into not phoning in sick. I have the midwife tomorrow and she's not paying me correctly for the appt even though i'm entitled to it and making me work 2 hours extra another week to make up for it!

What the hell do it do??????!!!!!!!! I am not an aggressive person and hate arguments especially with having the baby I don't want to get my blood pressure up. I have considered getting signed off as i'm finding it harder to cope and don't know what she's going to be like every day i go in but know that she would bad mouth me to my area manager and HR saying that I am pulling a fast one. Please help and if you can't help just tell me she is being a b*tch to make me feel a bit better!

****I have altered the original message and taken loads out as I woke up in a panic this morning thinking someone who knows her might see this and put 2+2 together!!!!!*****
xxxxxxx


Last edited by Archie1 on Sat Mar 29, 2008 11:51 am; edited 1 time in total
Helz123
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Posted: Thu Mar 27, 2008 9:39 pm 
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OMG I had to reply to this one!!! You should not be made to feel guilty for being pregnant!!! This so called woman is unbelievable. Does she not know about employment law and rights of pregnant women????? If I was you I would sign myself on the sick if she carries on with this terrible treatment of you. I can't believe she is allowed to get away with it. Do you work for a big company???

Helz x Mad
Archie1
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Posted: Thu Mar 27, 2008 9:44 pm 
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Yeah it's a massive company. This woman does not follow any HR procedures (like back to work conversations, recorded logs for cashloss etc) as she "isn't interested in that kind of thing". I'm now at the point where I told my mum tonight on the phone that I hope I do get the flu really bad so I can go off for a while and she can't say i'm faking and treat me like the other girl who phoned in sick the other day! I feel so awful for wishing that when I'm pregnant and that upsets me even more as the last thing I want to do is hurt my baby. Thanks for your reply xxxxx
Helz123
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Posted: Thu Mar 27, 2008 9:56 pm 
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I just don't get how she gets away with it???????? Can't you go above her head??? Don't stress no job is worth this! I am ttc at the moment but I know when(fingers crossed) I am pregnant, I will have all the rights blah blah blah that all women should have. God that woman needs sorting, wish I knew her would love to tell her how she is breaking the law!!!!!!!

Helz xx
Archie1
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Posted: Thu Mar 27, 2008 10:01 pm 
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I feel that going higher up would cause me more stress as it would involve an investigation, head office becoming involved etc and I don't know if I could handle all that at this stage of the pregnancy. I know it sounds really bad for the rest of the staff but I just can't wait to get myself out of there (6 weeks to go!) and i'm not caring if she continues when i'm gone!!! xxxxx
Helz123
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Posted: Thu Mar 27, 2008 10:14 pm 
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Its obviously your choice but she will continue to treat others this way until someone does something. You don't need the stress tho so good luck until you finish work!
sozzle
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Posted: Fri Mar 28, 2008 10:49 am 
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Hi there - first can i say how sorry i am that this lunatic of a woman is treating you this way, especially when you are pregant. I just wanted to let you know also that what she is doing is completely and utterly wrong and against the law. Not only is she bullying you and her other staff members (which is harrassment at work) but she is also blatantly disregarding employment procedures afforded to pregnant woman to protect them and their babies. I can totally and utterly understand why you do not want to cause a fuss or end up in a confrontation when you are trying to keep calm and your stress levels down but at the same time i really think you need to talk to someone about this as it doesnt sound like its going to get any better before your maternity leave and i would hate for it to get worse and cause you any more upset during your pregnancy. I assume there is someone within your HR department that you can talk to about this? You dont have to make a formal complaint but i think its important that you have on record somewhere how this woman has been behaving. they also HAVE to listen to you and take your complaints SERIOUSLY - there is all sorts of legislation on this subject which means that if they dont and god forbid something happens to you or your baby - they as your employer can be held liable. Can i also suggest that you keep a little diary of incidents like the ones you set out in your email with dates and times if possible. If you do end up having to make a formal complaint this will really help you. Even if you decide not to do anything (and i do understand why you might not want to) do not let her bully you on anything related to your pregnancy, especially if you arent v well or have medical appointments and need time off. Im going to find some links to send to you so you know your rights. Make sure you stand firm on this if nothing else as its important for you and your baby. It makes me so angry to hear stories like. Sadly these people often get away with it because they rely on people not wanting to confront them or make a fuss because they dont want to take on that kind of stress. Remember she is completely in the wrong AND she is breaking the law. You must do whatever you feel is right for you at this time, please just make sure you look after yourself. Take care sozzlex
Helz123
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Posted: Fri Mar 28, 2008 10:58 am 
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exactly what I think too!! Makes my blood boil that there are so called women out there still behaving like this! Especially as she has been through it all herself???

Helz xx
sozzle
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Posted: Fri Mar 28, 2008 11:01 am 
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Agreed!! Clearly she has a lot of issues but it is absolutely unacceptable to take them out on anyone.

As promised, a couple of links to Governmental Websites which set out your basic rights and your employers responsibilities, if nothing else its good to know what your legal position re: pregnancy. Hope these help.

http://www.direct.gov.uk/en/Employment/Employees/DiscriminationAtWork/DG_10026670

http://www.direct.gov.uk/en/Employment/Employees/WorkAndFamilies/DG_10026556
dollychops2
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Posted: Fri Mar 28, 2008 12:50 pm 
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Hi, im in the same boat. Its so discusting that they treat us this way. Start writing notes with dates and times, saying exactly what was said, ive got loads in my little book. Have a paragragh at the beginning saying anything that has happened previously. I know you dont want more stress, and it just feels like too much hassle to go higher up or bother doing anything about it, but if youve got the notes you can decide at a later date to change your mind.

With regards to your leave, its only if you take sick leave 4 weeks before your expected week of childbirth, therefore anytime after 36 weeks. Then you have to go straight on maternity leave early. If you were signed off now, you would still get normal pay until 36 weeks. .. I know this coz my Boss said exactly the same thing!!!!!!! I went back and told her the facts, which she then tried to say i had misunderstood what she said!! liar!!

Anyway, mine has slowly started to ease off, so i hope your does to. good luck and pm me if you want any further advice xx
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morwen
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Posted: Fri Mar 28, 2008 1:27 pm 
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That's not acceptable behaviour for any member of staff, let alone a manager with responsibility. I'm sorry that you are in such a terrible position. This woman sounds like she has some serious anger management issues.

I agree with Mikhaela - I would start gathering evidence and making notes of when and what happens every time you feel she is acting unprofessionnally towards yourself, or any other member of staff.

Do you have a mobile phone with a video camera on it or with a recording option? If you can be discreet about it, I would try and turn it on while it was concealed in my pocket, as soon as she starts another rant. If you can take audio evidence to your HR department, someone will have to listen and take action - if you decide you want to of course. You don't have to do anything while you are pregnant if you'd rather not, but if you later decide you want to see this woman get the disciplining she clearly needs, you've got your case prepared.

As for sick leave, it's definitely only if you have a pregnancy related illness, and it's within 4 weeks before your due date. That law is in place to protect the mother's rights, not the employer's!
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Archie1
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Posted: Fri Mar 28, 2008 3:21 pm 
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Hi Guys,

Thanks so much for all your replies and support. I'm definitely going to do the notebook and make sure I have a note of all the incidents that are happening so as someone has said I can decide later what to do about it. I am very tempted to see how things go at the start of the week and if it continues the same way I am going to give HR a call and ask to speak to someone confidentially about her.

I was looking at some good websites last night on how to cope with over aggressive bosses and what kind of things to say that are assertive if she has another random go at me for something!!!! I think I have settled on something like "At the moment I feel the way you are speaking to me is making me feel uncomfortable so I want to end this conversation for the moment. Perhaps if you want to discuss something with me again that is getting you this angry, someone else should be present." Although I think she would explode if I said that to her!!! Very Happy

The pathetic thing about her is that when Area Managers or visitors from other stores are here (like today) she is a total cow to everyone before they arrive then the minute they are in the shop she is cooing over me like I am made of glass pretending she really cares how I am!

On a good note today midwife says everything is 100% fine with little bubba so that has cheered me up cos I was worried that it was going to start affecting him/her soon.
xxxxx
Helz123
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Posted: Fri Mar 28, 2008 4:49 pm 
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Hi CJ

I think you would be right to do what you said, she would be gobsmacked if you said that to her. I do think you should contact HR once you have all the written evidence times, dates what she said etc then she wouldn't be able to get away with this treatment of you or anyone else any more! Good luck and keep us posted how you get on. Glad to hear all is well with the baby Smile

Helz xx
Helz123
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Posted: Fri Mar 28, 2008 4:50 pm 
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Hi CJ

I think you would be right to do what you said, she would be gobsmacked if you said that to her. I do think you should contact HR once you have all the written evidence times, dates what she said etc then she wouldn't be able to get away with this treatment of you or anyone else any more! Good luck and keep us posted how you get on. Glad to hear all is well with the baby Smile

Helz xx
Helz123
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Posted: Fri Mar 28, 2008 5:00 pm 
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soz didn't mean to repeat myself! The laptop was playing up!! Mad

Helz x
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