Pregnancy and Birth - F.A.Q. - JOKES

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Dionysia
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Posted: Sun Nov 16, 2008 9:36 am 
Post subject: Pregnancy and Birth - F.A.Q. - JOKES
Pregnancy and Birth - F.A.Q.

Q: Am I more likely to get pregnant if my husband wears boxers or briefs ?
A: You'll have an even better chance if he doesn't wear anything at all

Q: What do you call a pregnancy that begins while using birth control ?
A: A misconception

Q: What is the easiest way to figure out exactly when I got pregnant ?
A: Have sex just once a year

Q: What is a chastity belt ?
A: A labor-saving device

Q: When does a woman's biological clock start ticking ?
A: Right after she looks in the mirror and thinks, "On my God, crow's feet !"

Q: What is the most common pregnancy craving ?
A: For men to be the ones who get pregnant

Q: What is the most reliable method to determine a baby's sex ?
A: Childbirth

Q: Should I have a baby after 35 ?
A. No, 35 children is way too many already

Q: I'm two months pregnant now. When will my baby move ?
A: With any luck, right after he finishes college

Q: How will I know if my vomiting is morning sickness or the flu ?
A: If it's the flu, you'll get better

Q: Does pregnancy affect a woman's memory ?
A: Most of the ladies I asked don't remember

Q: My breasts, rear end & even my feet have grown. Is there anything that gets smaller during pregnancy ?
A: Yes, your bladder

Q: Ever since I've been pregnant, I haven't been able to go to bed at night without onion rings. Is this a normal craving ?
A: Depends on what your doing with them

Q: The more pregnant I get, the more often strangers smile at me. Why ?
A: Cause you're fatter then they are,

Q: My wife is 5 months pregnant and so moody that she's borderline irrational.
A: So what's your question ?

Q: Under what circumstances can sex at the end of pregnancy bring on labor ?
A: When the sex is between your husband and another woman

Q: What's the difference between a pregnant woman and a Playboy centerfold ?
A. Nothing, if the pregnant woman's husband knows what's good for him

Q: What position should the baby be in during the ninth month of pregnancy ?
A: Head down, pressing firmly on your bladder

Q: What are forceps ?
A: Giant baby tweezers

Q: What's the best way to get a man to give up his seat to a pregnant woman ?
A: Brute force

Q: How do I know if my baby has dropped ?
A: He/She will start crying. Be more careful !

Q: How long is the average woman in labor ?
A: Whatever she says, divided by two

Q: My childbirth instructor says it's not pain I'll feel during labor, but pressure. Is she right ?
A: Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current

Q: When is the best time to get an epidural ?
A: Right after you find out you're pregnant

Q: Is there a reason I have to be in the delivery room while my wife is in labor ?
A: Not unless the word "alimony" is a concern for you

Q: I'm modest. Once I start to deliver, who will see me in that delicate position ?
A: Authorized hospital personnel only -- doctors, nurses, orderlies, photographers, florists, cleaning crews, journalists, etc.

Q: What does it mean when the baby's head is crowning ?
A: It means you feel as thought not only a crown but the entire throne is trying to make it's way out of you

Q: Is there anything I should avoid while recovering from childbirth ?
A: Yes, pregnancy

Q: Does labor cause hemorrhoids ?
A: Labor causes anything you want to blame it for

Q: When should a baby not be circumcised ?
A: When it's a girl.

Q: Where is the best place to store breast milk ?
A: In your breasts

Q: Is there a safe alternative to breast pumps ?
A: Yes, baby lips

Q: What does it mean when a baby is born with teeth ?
A: It means that the baby's mother may want to rethink her plans to nurse

Q: What is the best time to wean the baby from nursing ?
A: When you see teeth marks

Q: What is the grasp reflex ?
A: The reaction of new father's when he sees new mother's breasts.

Q: Can a mother get pregnant while nursing ?
A: Yes, but it's much easier if she removes the baby from her breast and puts him to sleep first.

Q: What happens to disposable diapers after they're thrown away ?
A: They are stored in a silo in the Midwest, in case of global chemical warfare.

Q: Do I have to have a baby shower ?
A: Not if your change the baby's diaper very quickly

Q: What causes baby blues ?
A: Tanned, hard-bodied bimbos

Q: What is colic ?
A: A reminder for new parents to use birth control

Q: What are night terrors ?
A: Frightening episodes in which the new mother dreams she's pregnant again

Q: Nannies aren't cheap are they ?
A: Not usually, but occasionally you'll find a floozy

Q: Will I love my dog less when the baby is born ?
A: No, but your husband will most likely get on your nerves

Q: Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to act normal ?
A: Possibly when the kids are in college
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CorrinneAdelle
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Posted: Sun Nov 16, 2008 1:21 pm 
Post subject:
LMFAO xxx Thats Soo Funny x
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xToNix
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Posted: Sun Nov 16, 2008 2:02 pm 
Post subject:
hahaha theyre funny
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ClairaBell
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Posted: Sun Nov 16, 2008 8:33 pm 
Post subject:
lol Very Happy
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xKerrynx
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Posted: Mon Nov 17, 2008 2:44 pm 
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haha Very Happy x
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