Posted: Tue Apr 08, 2008 11:24 am
Post subject: so down about it all!!!
hi ladies, just wanted to let off steam really. i just feel so down today, feel really emotional, weepy and frustrated! my af is due on saturday and i have a good feeling shes gona arrive, just like one of the in laws, aaarrrgh!!! the thing is this month i promised myself i wasnt gona get uptight about it but i cant flipping help it. maybe i just have really bad pmt or something but im getting really fed up with the ttc malarcy. i should count my lucky stars cos i already have 2 fantastic kids, which where concieved really easily, yet for some reason this time its taking over my life! i know im older now at 36 and its gona take longer but i really am at the point where i just wanna give up! its stressing me out! my hubby is still really keen tho and although i am too my heads done in i too have friends who are pregnant ranging from age 21 to 40 and for them all i am genuinly happy, i dont feel jealous or envious as im not that type of person but i just want to join their club. it seems the more i know about ttc the worse i am as well, cos then i think that cos ive done everything right ive got to be pregnant, but obviously not! anyway, thanks for letting me get my hair off a little bit, im sure as the days pass ill calm down and get back into it all but today i just need to cry! x
Posted: Tue Apr 08, 2008 12:23 pm
Hey rosie - I know the feeling and I wont tell you to stay positive and blah blah blah - what I do suggest is you go and batter someone. Punch their lights out til you feel better!
Only kidding - but I have been there and you start lying to yourself - you say "this month I am not going to be too bothered" and you say things like - I knew it wouldnt be this month. Even now you are telling yourself that you are expecting your AF but in the back of your mind you are praying that you are going to get a surprise when you get a BFP.
And it doesnt matter if you have kids or not - it doesnt matter if you have been trying for 10 yrs or 1 month - the fact is you want this baby so much that you feel exactly the same as everyone else.
I was feeling pretty bad this morning as it is my OV date and my husband didnt want to have sex last night. I was so upset - I just dont think they understand how all consuming this need is and how much you think about it and plan it. They simply get their leg over and jobs a good un! Anyway - hope you feel better - and if not, go buy yourself a big bar of choc and bottle of wine - if AF comes have a drink with her - if not - give it to your hubby to celebrate.
Best of luck and keep us posted,
Posted: Tue Apr 08, 2008 12:32 pm
Hi Rosie36, just had to reply to you. I have been ttc for 3 years and I am on medication at present to help me ovulate. My first daughter was conveived after only 2 months of the medication but this time I am having no luck. Every month I try not to get up tight about it but it just takes over your liife. I am on day 21 of my cycle and I have very regular 28 day cycles, by Thursday I will know if I am coming on because I get period pains for 5 days before my period even starts. I just feel so [*@!#%*] most of the time, I have now taken matters in to my own hand and have appointment at a fertlility clinic on Monday. I really hope they can help me but I think you have to be really positive about it (which I find really hard). Anyway just wanted you to know that you are not alone. Keep trying and good luck x
Posted: Tue Apr 08, 2008 12:38 pm
thanks for that jo, it really perked me up. but cant batter the hubby yet as he works til 10! only joking, i think? like you said in the back of my mind im hoping im wrong and af isnt going to arrive, it aint over til the fat flo sings as they say? the good thing about being in one of these moods is all my cleaning gets done in no time! u just know it will happen for us all at some point when were least expecting it, and ive got a few days left yet so i will just have to have that big bar of choccy and a glass or two of wine and just CALM DOWN, AAARRGH! x
Posted: Tue Apr 08, 2008 2:59 pm
I just want to also say that you are not alone as I too feel all the things you do and know how totally depressing it can all seem. I never knew anything could be so hard. My af has just arrived (after 7 months so far of ttc) and I feel so down and emotional.......it just all seems so unfair and like you I have lots of close friends who are pregnant at the moment. I agree also with the other replies in that it makes no difference in your circumstances i.e. if you already have a child (I have a 2 and half yr old) as the feelings are still the same it is heartbreaking when AF arrives as you just want a baby so much. It is all I can think about and feel like it has taken over my life but I am trying to be positive and think oh well it will happen next month now. As you say you still have a few days to go so here's hoping you get that positive result! We have another month of trying so fingers crossed this time......I am currently having blood test though as keep spotting before periods so this may be having an effect on my fertility (hope not though). I think the chocs and wine is the best way forward for now and I hope we all get there soon. good luck xx