Posted: Sun Dec 07, 2008 6:11 pm
Post subject: Hard to cope
I was diagnosed with PCOS and was referred to fertility clinic who put me on clomid. After 6 cycles of clomid I had thought I had got my period and started my 7th cycle only for my "period" to disappear. I contacted the fertility clinic to arrange my scan for follicles and told them about this, they said that I had not got my period and had just had staining and to do a pregnancy test. I did a test and it was positive.......I couldn't believe it!!!! My husband and I were in total shock and sooo happy!! We worked it out that I was almost 5wks pregnant by then. We had friends that had went through ICSI and everyone knew about our treatment so we told our close family and friends straight away, everyone was thrilled!! When I was 6wks I had slight spotting one day, then the same the next day, I got worried so phoned clinic, they told me not to worry unless it got worse. The next day I had full blown bleeding, went to hospital for scan and blood test, everything showed up as fine. I started gettting some cramps, which would vary from mild to very bad but baby was still there. 1wk after the first staining we had another scan and saw the baby's heartbeat, it was wonderful and I started to believe that things were gonna be ok. But 3 days later I had a miscarriage. I was inconsolable and have been since. It's been just over 3wks now and I am not coping very well at all. I keep replaying it over and over and wondering what things would be like if it hadn't happened. I dream about it every night and just can't stop crying. We knew about our baby for 19 days, but 10 of those days were bleeding and pain. I just feel so robbed. Nothing anyone says or does makes me feel any better, my doc is referring me for counselling and I know my husband is worried about me but a part of me has died when I lost our baby and I'm not sure if I'll ever feel the same again. I just wish things had been so different for us. My heart is broken.
Posted: Sun Dec 07, 2008 6:20 pm
i completely understand ur pain, i cant say that i ever had problems concieving but i did lose 2 bavies beforei had my lovely little boy, i first lost my little girl to turners syndrome at 18 weeks and then i also lost a little baby at 5 weeks a few months later, then i fell pregnant and went on to have a happy and healthy pregnancy with andrew and as u can see from my ticker hes now 3 months old.
the pain that ur feeling now for me never goes away but it does ease, i dont feel it all the time as i did when i fist lost my babies but it does come back every now and again wehn i visit my little girls grave and when i think about her etc. you are such a strong person for dealing with this! talk to your partner about how ur feeling because i can almost completely garentee that he is feeling just as crummy as u are just now.
i wish u loads of good luck if you decide to try again for another baby! lots and lots of baby dust to you!!!
never give up hope of having a healthy pregnancy and baby! i nearly did but im glad i didnt now otherwise i wouldnt have my little boy xx
Posted: Tue Dec 09, 2008 7:34 pm
Thanks so much for your words of support. I am so very sorry for your loss and I'm glad you didn't give up and now have a beautiful son. I just hope and pray that a child is in our future too. My doc has referred me for counselling to deal with my fertility problems and our miscarriage. I had an initial consultation with the counselling service today who agree that I would benefit from counselling and are referring me as urgent. Really hope this helps me come to terms with things a little better cos I'm not doing too good dealing with things now. x