Posted: Sat May 17, 2008 12:00 am
My partner of 2 years finished with me when he found out last week, your partner is being supportive by standing by you at least!
I'm starting to think that most men freak out when they hear there partner is having a baby, obviously there are a few decent ones out there who are great about it and get just as excited as us girls, but they are few and far between, I'm sure when the little one arrives he will be great, I don't think it seems real to men untill they can actually hold the little bundle
Posted: Sat May 17, 2008 9:32 am
Post subject: Re: xx
Posted: Sat May 17, 2008 2:50 pm
My husband definately wasn't happy when I got pregnant and although he didn't say it he wanted me to have an abortion. I'm sure of it. He came to 1st few dr/midwife appointments then left me to it. He wouldn't help me decide whether or not to have the tests offered, kept saying it was up to me if I had them or not, like it didn't affect him. My test results showed there was a chance of spina bifida so I got a scan at 18 weeks. He did come with me and held my hand during the scan. When the dr said everything was ok i burst into tears. His response was "you must be relieved everything is ok with it". No response or emotion from him. When I had really bad morning sickness and heartburn all he could say to me was "surely you expected it, it's very common". Not what you want to hear when you head is down the loo for what feels like most of the day. I felt that I got no emotional support from him regarding the pregnancy at all.
When our son was born in January he was there when I went into labour which happened very quickly and although he panicked a bit he was fantastic. Not what I had expected at all. I had arranged for my best friend to be at the birth as well because I couldn't trust that he would be there for me. after the birth he was totally smitten with the baby. Fantastic! Not really. Occasionally he will pick the baby up and has given him the odd bottle but the majority of the time he ignores him, complains about the noise, the mess, the constant smell of sick ( baby has reflux). I do pretty much everything myself. I work 4 days per week but when I come home I have to bath, feed & put my son to bed myself. I then repack his bag for the next day, wash and steralise bottles, sort milk powder and food for the next day and usually do a load of laundry too. Then I make our dinner. He will load the dish washer. Good of him, isn't it. When I complain or we argue he just keeps saying he didn't want kids and I got what I wanted so why am I complaining. I would probably be better off if I was a single parent. At least I could do what I wanted without having to consider how he will feel about it.
I really thought that when the baby came he would be totally won over. I couldn't have been more wrong.
Posted: Sat May 17, 2008 3:11 pm
I have pretty much no choice as he owns the house. When I was pregnant I agreed that I would be totally responsible for the baby. It's a pretty awful situation. I really love him and want to be with him. When I just get on with it things are fine between us and he can be really sweet with the baby which gives me hope that he will start doing a bit more. When we argue I am saying that maybe we should call it quits but I never leave. I knew he didn't want a baby but when I got pregnant I was so happy I put how he felt to the back of my mind and hoped for the best. In my heart I know that it probably wont last and I will be on my own and it's not what I want. If it is still this way when my son is a bit older then I know I will have to do something about it
Posted: Sat May 17, 2008 3:17 pm
Post subject: xx
thats terribul.....i no its u who wanted a baby but it takes 2....i wud be heart broken if some refered 2 my baby like it was a object....like him saying its u who wanted a baby!!!!!!! i wud want sum 1 who wud love him just as much and even if they wasnt qeen on the idear before i wud want them 2 look at my baby and 4 thm 2 feel so much love....
it might be his house but u need 2 think about what best ur baby. do u want him growing up to feel like its just u who loves him!! im sorry if i have the rong end of the stick but thats how it sounds 2 me x
Posted: Sat May 17, 2008 3:27 pm
No you pretty much have it spot on. I know that my son has to come 1st. My husband does love the baby he just doesn't want the responsibility. It scares him and because he is a much older Dad ( he is 4 he resents the things he has had to give up after so long. I grew up with just my Mum and while i had a great childhood my brother tells a different story about not having a father around. I want better for my son than we had and if it means putting up with my husbands nonsense and immaturity for a while to give him a chance to adjust then so be it. In saying that , if I thought it was having a negative effect on my son then I would be out the door like a shot before he is old enough to realise that Daddy doesn't want him around. My child will grow up knowing that the people around him love him. If my husband can't make the adjustment then he will end up losing the most precious thing he has ever had. His son