Posted: Tue Feb 10, 2009 8:39 pm
Post subject: Feeling rubbish today
Well I feel like absolute poo today.I was reading through some posts about breast feeding on here and the more I read,the more rubbish I felt for not carrying on with it cos everyone else seems to be managing so well and even if they're not,they're still sticking with it.
I gave up way too easily and now I feel like such a failure cos Alfie's been nothing but poorly since I stopped,I feel like it's my fault.which everyone says it's not but I can't help feel it is,he was fine while he was breastfed,so there has to be some link.
I'm feeling rubbish at the mo anyway,as you know and trying to find reasons for me feeling so low-this is definitely one of them because I wanted to breastfeed so badly,and I couldn't and now he's poorly.
anyway,sorry for the long post,just needed to let it out x
Posted: Wed Feb 11, 2009 11:26 am
aww squib - don't beat yourself about it hun. Giving up breastfeeding is the hardest thing I've ever had to do - and you know the issues we had!!
If it helps, the cleft team counsellor that helped me cope with giving up gave me a load of figures about the benefits and diminishing returns. Here's a few that might comfort you a bit:
- the first 3 days before your milk come in are equal in immunity and health benefits to 3 months once baby gets to 6 months old - so giving your colustrum was a HUGE thing to do.
- babies almost always get an illness of some sort with every major diet change - so it wouldn't have made any difference when you stopped, and it'll be the same when you go from formula to cow's milk etc
- breastfeeding benefits are diminishing returns - every day you do is slightly less important than the day before and so on - so you have done the most important days.
The emotional difficulties for you of giving up will always happen - the guilt, the whole 'I can't say he's all my own work any more', the constant deciding that every single issue or problem is because he's no longer breastfed are the same for everyone, regardless of when you stop, and for what reason. For me it was the total selfishness because I gave up so that I could have a life back, sleep through the night, go to visit family etc. If you ask me, your reason is far more valid!! pain is pain, and why suffer!! At the end of the day, its far far more important to your baby that he has a happy mummy than anything else. Formula is fab stuff, and contains everything he could need.
Most importantly - talk to friends, family and us about your feelings - any woman with a child that stopped bf at any point will understand to some degree, and eventually you WILL get over these feelings and realise that you are a great mum.
Posted: Wed Feb 11, 2009 8:07 pm
Thanks hun,you always know just what to say to make me feel better,I dunno how you do it!
Reading that really has helped,I do still feel guilty,but I know I had good reason,like you said.having him wanting feeding for 2 hours straight sometimes and feeding every half an hour,I was so knackered,not to mention sore and I spent the whole first night in hospital,completely on my own,and I was on the verge on tears when I couldn't get him to feed,no one helped me.
I think it was more,if I didn't stop,I would've collapsed with exhaustion because I'd already lost nearly a weeks worth of sleep due to being in slow labour for 6 days,and those nights up in hospital were the final straw.
I stopped for a day or 2,then went back to it but it was still the same,he was forever hungry and then he was admitted to hospital for jaundice and that's when I blamed myself,because he wasn't getting enough milk from me to flush it through,it was proven when I tried expressing some for him and there was hardly any,so I gave up.
I'm glad I did in some ways,it does make it easier on me but it's still hard and he's doing really well,weight wise,so I guess he's fine,it's just me that it bothers.
anyway,think I've moaned enough,thanks again hun xxxx