just need some one to talk to.

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kittykat25
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Posted: Fri Feb 20, 2009 2:00 pm 
Post subject: just need some one to talk to.
hi ladies, its been 2 weeks to the day that i lost my little angel, im finding things so hard, the pregnancy had problems from the start with pains then bleeding, but each week we saw our baby grow and id rub my belly praying the baby would servive, things really got scary when i bleed really bad , it was a fri so they couldnt scan me just told me i`d either m/c or was having threatened m/c, so i had to wait till mon to have scan it was the worst weekend of my life,i gushed 2 over the weekend as well, so i couldnt believe it when had scan and my baby was still there fighting, i`ve never been on such an emotional rollercoaster in my life. they told me there was still hemorage and the sac was nearly 2 weeks behind in growth, and i dont think the baby was growing prop coz i had 4 scans in total and every week they`d put me back, but they couldnt tell me wether the pregnancy would continue or not all i could do was hope, pray and wait, but the day after i started bleeding and it didnt stop until i sadly lost our baby on the fri, it was horrible (sorry for the grafic detail) but i actually passed the sac and placenta intact (no blood clots round it so i saw everything) and held it knowing that my baby was inside, i cant get over that image, the hospital were really good they kept me in overnight for obs and gave me load of leaflets and numbers and said if i ever need them just ring.oh been great but hes trying not to think bout it now, sorry for me rambling on i just need to get if off my chest and i know so many of you ladies have been through or going through what i am now, i just not doing so well at the mo, i`ve not slept for 2 weeks now and feel a mess, i also have a very close friend who is pregant and we were due a week apart and its hurting so much. im seeing the doc 2moz hopefully he`ll give me something to help me sleep, we do want another baby but i know i have to do my grieving for this little angel first, i just cant seem to move on or am i expecting to much of my self it has only been 2 weeks, thanks for taking the time to read this ,xxxx
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Baby bean lost at 4 weeks on 2/11/2007
baby angel lost at 9 weeks 6 days on 6/2/09
baby bean at 5 weeks on 17/7/09
Baby bean at 4 weeks on 13/2/2012
Baby Paris at 6 weeks 5 days on 9/5/12
Sanje
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Posted: Fri Feb 20, 2009 2:32 pm 
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Hello Kitykat, remember me? I started bleeding just before you did, I was stuck in Thailand when my little angel fell out at just under 7 weeks. I was following your story and hoping for a good outcome for you. It has been almost 4 weeks since it all happened to me. I have recovered quickly and due to my age, i have not even waited for my first AF to start trying again because each month that passes for me means its less likely that I will have a baby. I am back in Thailand next week and to be honest I already feel sad that I will be back in the same bed I was stuck in trying to rest up and hoping the bleeding would stop and things would be ok. I saw the fragements of my pregnancy too, quite clearly and had to flush them away. I am now going to put this firmly behind me and as I have started trying again I just have to hope another chance will come along. You may feel better once you start trying again, I know I do. Just remember your not alone with this, so many of us on here know what you are feeling right now. I hope you feel better soon and can join me in a new start. Perhaps we can try together as a bit of support for each other?
kittykat25
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Posted: Fri Feb 20, 2009 2:51 pm 
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hi sanje yer or coarse i remember you Smile , its really good to hear your doing well it gives me hope that i will come to terms with this and come through it stronger, i really feel for you having to go back and stay at the same place you lost your baby, it will bring back so many not nice memories and hope that you will be ok, its good to hear your trying again and yer think it would be nice to support each other through trying, we lost our babies so close together and it was really good to have you for support and talk to, i hope we get our little bundles of joy we wish for so much and that when we do fall pregnant things are easy this time round, wishing lots of baby sticky glue xxxx
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Baby bean lost at 4 weeks on 2/11/2007
baby angel lost at 9 weeks 6 days on 6/2/09
baby bean at 5 weeks on 17/7/09
Baby bean at 4 weeks on 13/2/2012
Baby Paris at 6 weeks 5 days on 9/5/12
Sanje
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Posted: Fri Feb 20, 2009 3:14 pm 
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Yes, chin up girl, you and I still have time to make 2009 our year! Lets do it. Lots of luck and hugs to you.
kayleyfluffybabyBUM
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Posted: Fri Feb 20, 2009 8:37 pm 
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hi im really sorry for your loss
i really dont know what to say...my mind has gone completely blank!!! i had so much i wanted to say to you and now im writing a pointless message!!! arghhh

but yeah my experience was very different to yours i saw the sac but didnt see much as it was all bloody etc so i can imagine what it was like but at the same time i cant i didnt touch it etc as it was in the bottom of a public toilet:(

if you need to talk or anything im here xxx

and keep youre faith your time will come huin xxx
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<3 We became a couple September 27th 2007
Bubbles went to heaven September 25th 2008
Boo was born December 3rd 2009 (5 weeks early)
Zacky was born June 26th 2011
Pip was born October 17th 2012
Spencer was born 5th August 2013 (6 weeks early)
kittykat25
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Posted: Sat Feb 21, 2009 6:29 pm 
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hi kayley thanks for the reply it really does help to know im not on my own, i really feel for you how you lost your baby too, that must of been awful to go through something like that in such a public place my heart goes out to you, i hope you`ve had the support you need to get through it, my friends haven`t been there for me like i thought they would, shoe on the other foot id be there night and day, it really hurts, one of my closest friends is pregnant we were due a week apart we were so excited bout going through this together an its killing me now that as time progresses i have to watch her grow thinking that i should be to, i just know that the further along she gets the harder it is gonna be for me to see her. im just hoping that once i`ve grieved for my little angel that ill feel ready for trying and hopefully be pregnant again before the time that i would of been due, im so thankful for this site as we all have somewhere to get things off our chest and get to speak to women that are so supportive, thanks for your support hun it means alot, if you ever want someone to talk to messsage me , take good care of your self xxx
_________________
Baby bean lost at 4 weeks on 2/11/2007
baby angel lost at 9 weeks 6 days on 6/2/09
baby bean at 5 weeks on 17/7/09
Baby bean at 4 weeks on 13/2/2012
Baby Paris at 6 weeks 5 days on 9/5/12
yobri
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Posted: Sat Feb 21, 2009 7:41 pm 
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Hi
i am so sorry to hear of all your losses ladies
i myself knows how it feels as we were ttc for 2yrs & eventually fell preg, which unfortunately ended in mc in sept 08, like yourselves it totally devastated myself & OH as we had been trying for so long.
Anyway the reason i am posting is to say, you do come through the other side, it's hard, but you get there.
There is also hope for all you ladies, as i said i mc'd in sept 08 & was very lucky to fall preg again in nov 08 & am now nearly 17wks & all is good with this little bean, although it did give us a scare at 6wks
What i want to say is you will all get there, & you will get your BFP's & to the lady who mentioned her age, dont worry hun, i managed it at the ripe old age of 41yrs.
Good luck to you all, i am sending as much babydust as poss to you ladies
I hope this gives you all a little light at the end of the tunnel
xxxxxxx
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kittykat25
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Posted: Sat Feb 21, 2009 8:02 pm 
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thanks yobri, your post really does give me hope that i will get through this and be stronger when i do, im sorry that after all that trying you lost your baby, 2 years is along time and then to lose something so precious must of been heart braking but its great that you came through it so well and r now expecting again that really gives me hope thank you so much, take care of you self and your little one, wish you a very happy pregnancy xxx
_________________
Baby bean lost at 4 weeks on 2/11/2007
baby angel lost at 9 weeks 6 days on 6/2/09
baby bean at 5 weeks on 17/7/09
Baby bean at 4 weeks on 13/2/2012
Baby Paris at 6 weeks 5 days on 9/5/12
kayleyfluffybabyBUM
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Posted: Sat Feb 21, 2009 9:00 pm 
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kittykat25 wrote:
hi kayley thanks for the reply it really does help to know im not on my own, i really feel for you how you lost your baby too, that must of been awful to go through something like that in such a public place my heart goes out to you, i hope you`ve had the support you need to get through it, my friends haven`t been there for me like i thought they would, shoe on the other foot id be there night and day, it really hurts, one of my closest friends is pregnant we were due a week apart we were so excited bout going through this together an its killing me now that as time progresses i have to watch her grow thinking that i should be to, i just know that the further along she gets the harder it is gonna be for me to see her. im just hoping that once i`ve grieved for my little angel that ill feel ready for trying and hopefully be pregnant again before the time that i would of been due, im so thankful for this site as we all have somewhere to get things off our chest and get to speak to women that are so supportive, thanks for your support hun it means alot, if you ever want someone to talk to messsage me , take good care of your self xxx


i completely understand the friend thing...when i first found out i was pregnant i signed up to a site for young mums and started talking to a girl whos dates were almost the same as mine i cant not speak to her as she needs all the support she can ge (shes only 15) but it kills me seeing her bump pics and hearing about her babys development....dont get me wrong im happy for her but at the same time im devastated for myself!!

and now my cousin is pregnant (around 28 weeks...i would have been 32 by now) and she rings and messages me just to complain or boast about her pregnancy sometimes i want to scream at her and tell her to leave me alone, but i could never bring myself to do that....

and yes it was the most horrific thing ive ever gone through i couldnt bring myself to flush the chain i just stood there stairing in to the toilet crying i wanted to scoop my baby up and hold him/her but couldnt bring my self to do that either.... and in a way nowing how big they would have been and how much they would have developed during their short life made it worse (but i knew it all due to the two year gcse course i did on child development)

i really do feel for you and hope you feel better soon.... i know loads of people say it ill get better etc etc..... and i never believed them and told them to stop being stupid but i promise you the pain eases... i wont lie to you it never goes away and no matter how much time goes youll always think about what would have been but it does get easier to think about your baby and not breeak down

take care of yourself and thankyou xxx
_________________
<3 We became a couple September 27th 2007
Bubbles went to heaven September 25th 2008
Boo was born December 3rd 2009 (5 weeks early)
Zacky was born June 26th 2011
Pip was born October 17th 2012
Spencer was born 5th August 2013 (6 weeks early)
Sanje
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Posted: Sun Feb 22, 2009 10:51 am 
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Yobri, that was a wonderful positive note, I am 46, so hoping I have the same good luck as you!
yobri
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Posted: Sun Feb 22, 2009 4:32 pm 
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I hope you all have as much good luck as me & my OH have had.
We very nearly gave up trying as it had taken so long, then out of the blue, we had a bean. We will never forget the one we lost, as he/she would have been due on my daughters birthday. We thought that was going to be our only chance (this is my OH's only child) & had resigned ourselves to the fact that we would not get another bean, but low & behold we did!!
All i can say is it was obviously meant to be & someone looked down on us & saw we wanted this so much.
Never give up hope ladies, it will happen when you are least expecting it!
Babydust to you all
xxxxxxxxxxx
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briw
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Posted: Sun Feb 22, 2009 10:57 pm 
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hi hun
i know its hard right now there are so many things that you must be thinking the big why and what did i do or didnt do , its important not to blame yourself or stop trying , one thing that you have proved is that you can get pregnant,
my oh (see yobri) and i lost our first one last year and this one gave us a scare six weeks in but it is still there and yo has been feelin it move and starting kick so its doin ok
i dont know how your other half is but i struggled with the same questions and i would go from fussing abut her and not letting her do anything and then i would have to leave her alone and sit on my own, i dont know how she felt about my mood swings but i was strugglin to cope myself
it took the loss of our pet to break us out an make us grieve and start trying again an a bfp came along within a month and as i said its doin ok now
its early days for you but it will get better
ps we got a new staffie to replace our staffie cross we lost so all is good (touch wood)
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kittykat25
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Posted: Mon Feb 23, 2009 10:04 am 
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to kayley and yobrl thank you so much for your posts it really helped me, your comments are really positive and make me realise that although ill never forget i will move on from this and come out stronger, thank you so much xxxx
thanks briw for your post it really helps to get the view of a partner thats been through this, i know my o/h is trying to hide his feelings because im so upset but i know he`s hurting just as much as me, we did have big chat the other day as hes getting quite short tempered at things an i know its coz hes trying to block his feeling and hes scared he`ll upset me more but id rather he talked with me as we need to help each other through this, thank you and wishing you and your partner a happy pregnancy and wish you all the best . sorry bout your dog it must of been so hard after losing yur baby as well, hope you have lots of fun with your new puppy, i know we do with our little staffy, although she does like to chew things lol, take care xxx
_________________
Baby bean lost at 4 weeks on 2/11/2007
baby angel lost at 9 weeks 6 days on 6/2/09
baby bean at 5 weeks on 17/7/09
Baby bean at 4 weeks on 13/2/2012
Baby Paris at 6 weeks 5 days on 9/5/12
yobri
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Posted: Mon Feb 23, 2009 4:30 pm 
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Hi again
dont know if you noticed but briw is my oh
i told him about your post & felt compelled to answer
we had the same problem as you & your OH, we didnt know what to say to each other or how it say it, so one day when bri was at work, i sat & wrote him a letter telling him how i felt & that i wasnt pushing him away, but was hurting so much that i didnt know what to do & also knowing he was hurting too, i didnt want to add to it. It worked for us, he wrote back to me, telling me his feelings & that actually got us talking to each other.
I dont know if this would work for you, but it did for us & also unfortunately losing our lovely 15mth old pup too, her passing seemed to give us the kick we needed to realise that there was a reason we lost our bean & it was natures way of saying the pregnancy wasnt quite right.
I hope you & your OH find a way to get your feelings out & myself & OH wish you all the luck in the world.
xxxxxxxxxxxxx
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kittykat25
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Posted: Tue Feb 24, 2009 9:31 am 
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hi yobri yer i kinda though he was your o/h but wasnt 100% sure, i think thats really nice that after you telling him bout my post he wanted to write, that really touched me, i want to thank you both for your kind words of support its really helped, me and o/h have talked bout how were feeling now and its done alot of good, he said he didnt wanna talk as he didnt wanna upset me anymore but i`ve told him id rather he did as we need to get through this together an im feeling quite good today which is the best i`ve felt since it happened so im looking at that as a sign that i can only get better now, i think your idea of writing to each other is a fantastic way of letting each other know how you feel, i think writing my thoughts on paper is a lot easier as i dont feel i have to hide anything and say exactly what want to, so i`ve started a diary, thank you so much you both have really helped us Smile take care and hope you have a fanastic pregnancy you deserve it xxxxx
_________________
Baby bean lost at 4 weeks on 2/11/2007
baby angel lost at 9 weeks 6 days on 6/2/09
baby bean at 5 weeks on 17/7/09
Baby bean at 4 weeks on 13/2/2012
Baby Paris at 6 weeks 5 days on 9/5/12
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