Posted: Tue May 05, 2009 11:26 am
Post subject: relationship breakdown in pregnancy
I just wanted to ask if anyone else was experiencing what i am during their pregnancy or has done in previous pregnancies as I'm feeling really alone.
I've been with my boyfriend for a year now and i'm now 21 weeks through my first pregnancy.
I'm pleased I'm pregnant and at 31 it was a planned pregnancy, but I'm feeling more and more withdrawn from the boyfriend. I've realised that i don't love him and all the small things I thought i could overlook that annoyed or irritated me are now huge things that infuriate me.
we live in my house and i'm secure financially, but everyone thinks he's lovely and so nice that i feel like an awful person for disliking him so much and not wanting him in my life.
He hasn't done anything awful to me, but i know he's just not the person i want to spend the rest of my life with and feel that it's just a matter of time and timing before the relationship breaks down completely.
I can only dicuss this with one friend who had a similar relationship (minus the pregnancy part) and can understand what I'm saying and where I'm coming from.
Is this just hormones and has anyone else had these feelings that have passed again once the baby is born?
Posted: Tue May 05, 2009 12:55 pm
i was feeling the exact same with my last pg..
it got that bad that i actually told my oh to move out..
which he did,so that gave me time to think..
i realised that i still loved him very much and we were back together within weeks..
everything worked out fine and we are now pg with our 4th baby..
im sure its just down to hormones hun..
but dont hide what you are feeling,talk to him about it..xx
Posted: Tue May 05, 2009 1:02 pm
I was the same with my 2 nd child, I think being pregnant you suddenly wake up and realise what a big change your life is going to be.
I was getting the cot ready one day, stopped what I was doing and packed his stuff instead. No arguments, just didnt want him there,
Never regretted it and she is nearly 10.
He is a great dad, I just couldnt explain why I didnt want to be with him.
Odd behaviour I know, but the best thing all round.
Posted: Wed May 06, 2009 8:38 am
thanks for your replies ladies, it's much appreciated.
I took the dog for a long walk in the middle of nowhere last night and had a good cry and try to get things in perspective.
The terrible thing about feeling this way is that he hasn't done anything wrong, he's working and bringing home the money and is generally a good bloke, i just know it's not going to work out. The worst thing is that i feel i've got to go on with the relationship as years ago he had a child with someone else and she dumped him 3 months into the pg and apparently it devastated him.
My parents love him to bits and his mum feels the same about me, so i feel i've made my bed and at least have to lie in it for a while longer even if my feelings don't change for him.
I haven't got any other friends who have children or are pg as I'm the first one in my group of friends so apart from one mate who's really good, can't talk this over with anyone.
so thank you for replying, it's good to know i'm not the only one who feels this way and there are options on both sides of the fence.
Posted: Fri May 08, 2009 9:42 pm
Hi there, you have to do whats best for you and what makes you happy. Explain to him how you feel and tell him you want a break for a fewweeks.At least this way you'll have time apart and might help you decide if splitting up is what you really want. I know only to well that you shouldnt be with someone for the sake of a baby as ultimately it would not be a happy environment for the child to grow up in.
Im on my own and 19 weeks pregnant, im scared of being alone but i have good friends round me and a fantasic 8yr old daughter to keep me busy. Im single because he was a tw*t to me but it still took me a while to break away because of being pregnant.
Hope it all works out, which ever path you take x x
Posted: Sun May 17, 2009 5:55 pm
Hiya hun, i feel the exact same way as you right now. Like, word for word.
I can't stand being around him at all anymore. So i moved out last week.
I thought if i didn't move out we'd definitly end up breaking up so this way we could still give it some sort of a go.
Well i've seen him twice since then, both times for no longer than an hour and i hated it. I though being away from him would make me miss him but it really hasn't.
I don't have a clue what to do, whether it's my hormones or what.
All i can say is make sure you do what's best for YOU. Staying with him for the baby's sake isn't going to do any good in the long run. x
Posted: Sun May 17, 2009 7:17 pm
Hi, i've just endured a weekend with my so called OH or is he really? Isn't it bad when you just can't stand to spend any time with them...i find it so difficult because of the way he's treated me. I said he could have one last chance, but i don't actually think i want that! I don't think i love him anymore so i really do not know why im doing this...it's like torture. I totally agree that you shoudlnt be with someone for the sake of a baby, as it just simply wouldnt work out not to mention the horrible atmosphere it would create for the children...
Oh what to do!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted: Tue May 19, 2009 1:59 pm
OMG at least I'm not the only one!
I've sat the boy'f down and had a chat with him and explained how I feel and that i will try my best to work it out with him, but I don't hold out much hope. We don't sleep in the same bad, it's been like that for about 6 weeks now coz I can't stand it, so traded him out of the bed for the dog! She doesn't snore either and wakes me up for work in the morning which is a bonus!!!
The worst bit is he's a decent guy hasn't done anything wrong and in most peoples view from the outside, most women would kill for a bloke like him.....just not me.
I just think I'm too independant and happy in my own space and company without the complications of a man around.
Good luck to you 2, be happy is all i can say and keep happy for your babies
Posted: Thu Jul 16, 2009 12:04 pm
apparently alot of women do this. They see their partners "differently" when they are pregnant . i was with my girl friend for 3 years , she always absolutely loved me to pieces but in the 10th week of pregnancy , gone . All i heard was i,m leaving followed by the sound of the door shutting . No phonecalls or anything since . She's just gone . i'm totally confused by it but what can i do.
Posted: Sun Nov 08, 2009 1:52 pm
I have not been in a situation like this but I am sorry you are going through it.
The bottomline is you will just have to let him do his thing. You cannot make him do anything he isn't ready to do. You cannot control him but you can control you. I would focus on my unborn child and nothing else. If he comes around, great, but if not you need to be prepared.
CONGRATS on your pregnancy. You're almost there.
Posted: Sun Nov 08, 2009 10:17 pm
Hey, sorry to hear about your situation. I personally, unless you are 100% sure, think you should stick it out at least a little while longer and try and work on this. Pregnancy seems to have a funny effect on our feelings. When I was in my first trimester I totally went off my OH. Didn't want to have sex, kiss him or even have him touch me and wasn't too fussed about seeing him (we live apart atm) when before I would miss him just not seeing him for one day! I've never been someone to give up on a relationship without giving it a good shot so I stuck it out and my feelings have now returned and I now realise how much I love him and need him in my life.
I know that these things happen whether in pregnancy or not but if you were one of my friends coming to me for advice I would say to really think long and hard and give it just a little bit more time and see if your feelings change. Maybe there are things in the relationship that need changed though, so these things maybe need worked on first, I dunno.
Whatever your decision and how things turn out I wish you the best of luck and hope your pregnancy goes well x
Posted: Tue Nov 24, 2009 1:39 pm
Thank god, I am 11 weeks preg and ever since the 8th weeks its been getting worse and worse and worse every second i hate it and i have no feelings left for him. He is a wonderful guy, he works looks after me brings in money kind sweet everything a girl would dream of, but i cant love him nomore no matter how much i want to, just dont know what to do casue he dont know any of this yet but he kows were falling to bits
Posted: Thu Mar 24, 2011 10:31 am
Post subject: Should I go?
It seems my relationship is over. I'm 32 weeks now and totally gutted. We have a house,business and now the baby. He has no contact with his parents because they don't like me, he opened up last night and told me it was because of me he can't see them. I think iv tried to help him, encourage him to see them. But I think deep down there is resentment for me. I slept downstairs last night. Now I'm so tired after being awake half the night. Wish it could have been nice and comfortable this time round. I'm 38 and can't believe I'm going to go it alone again! I will lose my business and my home, no doubt all my friends too. He has a knack of being a great victim, hence why his family hate me. Not sure if he is playing games with me because he knows I'm vulnerable or what. Hopefully if I just go he will be able to do the right thing by our poor unsuspecting child. Love my baby regardless! Can't wait for it's arrival. Frightened of losing everything again;( my parents are both dead so I can't lean on anyone really. I do have one friend who would help, he is the only person who has been consistently supportive in the last three years. My partner has left me three times and turned people against me in large numbers! Kind of expecting it again. I do have a front room I could turn into a bedroom but I just want to be happy and settled in time for this bundle of joy. I have tried to make him feel really special to me recently by doing little things I know he likes, but sometimes I just feel I'm in the way of his life. My business is no longer my own, nor is anything, not even my friends. I share everything with him. But he is so oppressed about things that I just feel it's all so false. Not sure what I should do at this late stage. I know one thing for sure, it really is not the fairy tale I thought it could be. ;(