what do i do about babys dad.

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ErinsMummy
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Posted: Wed Mar 18, 2009 4:48 pm 
Post subject: what do i do about babys dad.
i said during the whole of my pregnany that despite the fact my babys dad didnt even want her born, id give him a chance once she's born and contact him to tell him that she has been born and that he is welcome to have a relationship with her. i would however be doing this for HER benefit not his. however now she is here i am really put off that idea. she is MY baby. i did the whole pregnany on my own, he was hostile and harsh to me about 'getting rid' of her, why should he have the privilidge of knowing she is now here and she is so beautiful he doesnt deserve her. also he probaly still wouldnt be interested as he is a selfish tw*t, so why should i have to go through that hurt of knowing he has rejected my precious little girl. however my mom and my god mom (who always gives me quality advise) both say although its my choice i really should tell him. i dont why ive suddenly changed my mind mind and i just dont know what to do. please advise me!!!
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Kayla90
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Posted: Wed Mar 18, 2009 4:53 pm 
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Its probably because you want to protect your daughter that you've changed your mind
I would send him a short, sharp text informing him she has been born and leave it at that.
that way in a few years if he trys to see her say through a court that cant be used against you.
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ErinsMummy
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Posted: Wed Mar 18, 2009 4:56 pm 
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i havnt got his number anymore, nor have i got his email address or anything. i know where he lives but i dont know what the address so it would mean having to hand deliver a note. i know what i would write and everything but i just...i dont know Crying or Very sad Crying or Very sad Crying or Very sad
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Claire89x
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Posted: Wed Mar 18, 2009 5:00 pm 
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well if he cared surely he would of been in contact? I wouldnt bother even thinkin about him erins got all the love she needs from you right now x
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xsarahlx
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Posted: Wed Mar 18, 2009 5:31 pm 
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hi erins mummy i was a single mum for 5 years and much like you the dad wanted me to have an abortion , i sent a letter to him after the baby was born and he never got in touch which hurt me , i justcouldn't belive someone could be so cruel. i've have seen him loads of times in the street and he has ignored me i used to stand aand make a major fuss telling everyone who'd listen what a [*CENSORED*] he was , but i have resigend myself to the fact that he doesn't want to know and in a way i'm glad he's obviously not grown up to be a father and it's saved my son the heart ache of having him drifting in and out of his life . i don't really know what to advise you to do but as someone else has said in a reply he hasn't made the effort to contact you. i hope things work out ok x
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Corrie22
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Posted: Wed Mar 18, 2009 6:00 pm 
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I don't have experience of this but my only thought was you should wait for the moment and make the decision later on. He hasn't helped you or anything so you have no need to rush into telling him if you think you might regret it. He may be a complete idiot and thick as mince but surely even he will have worked out roughly when she is going to make her entrance so he could have contacted you if he wanted to know.

Just enjoy your baby and don't feel pressured to make a decision at the moment.
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MUMMY2LUCA
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Posted: Wed Mar 18, 2009 6:11 pm 
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Im not a single mum anymore but i was with my 1st at 17. Found out after i realised i was pregnant that he has a whole other family that i had known nothing about. That was the last time i saw or spoke to him and have raised my son on my own for the last 8 years. I felt it was best for me, my little boy hasn't lost out as his grandad has been around constantly as a male role model and he has never asked about his dad to date. Now i am married my little boy has asked if Lee will be his dad now as well as the baby's and that is how things have ended up x x
faerie44
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Posted: Mon Apr 06, 2009 4:06 pm 
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I had a similar predicatment, but at the end of the day the way i saw it was that i didnt want my daughter coming up to me in 15 years time goin "why didnt you let me see my dad why didnt he know where i was" and such things, i would have nothing better than for my daughter to never know her waste of a space dad but im doing it for, if he cares he will try but he needs a chance now shes here, i know it hurt and shes urs i had the exact same feelings, but for her ake in years to come and for your peace of mind that she wont turn on you in years to come i would at least write a note pop it through the door with ur number and try, if you hear nothing at least you can teel her that when the time come, i know it's a hard pill to swll ow but you just need to do it get it over and done with then the balls in his court so to speak, good luck.

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Missmac75
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Posted: Sat Apr 18, 2009 2:06 pm 
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Hi, i'd say you have enough to deal with right now. He knows where you are, he probably has your number so why have you got to make the effort. If he wants to know then surely he will get in touch. You can explain that to your daughter when she's older, just think of you and your baby, your the ones that matter right now. x
xKarenx
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Posted: Mon Apr 27, 2009 11:49 pm 
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Hey Erin my bro was that guy, well he and his ex where not a couple in his mind he was just "[*CENSORED*] her" at weekends. In her mind they where bf and gf. Anyway after about a few months of just "sleeping together" at weekends she fell preg. My bro took nothing to do with her thoughout the preg and even questioned if the baby was his, as he just saw her as a"bit on the side" Evil or Very Mad he told her to f off many of times while she preg and took nothing to do with her during preg.. Anyway he was rasied better than this Confused After she had the baby she contacted to tell him she had a baby girl called Abigail she was born on my baby due date but Sophie(mine) came a week early. Billy my bro at 1st was wary scared she would mess him and abigails head about with stupid games. But she been great and lets Billy see Abigail every weekend and on a Wed night. Next weekend Billy will get Abigail himself for a few hrs. Before how her mum was always there and she has every right to. My point is a bad bf and bad feelings during preg don't make a bad dad.. XX But it's your choice your the one that has to live with the choice you make whichever way you decide. Good luck xx
fergie26
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Posted: Sun May 31, 2009 9:56 pm 
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its sounds as if im in the same position as u, i've been split up with my baby to be's dad since the day before i found out i was already 13wks pregnant! he too has been a selfish [*CENSORED*] and told me he and i quote "wanted rid of it". weve not spoken for 18 weeks despite the fact we see eachother most weeks at the local pool as he works there and i go to my pre natal aqua aerobics classes there. he's got a new gf & couldn't give a damn, which is strange coz his family are by my side 100% and can't wait to meet their grandaughter- its just men being men, weak and pathetic. i like u am thinking along the lines of wanting him to know her and willing to let him have a relationship with her when she's born if he wants one but i too am scared of how im going to feel once shes here. Ive done everything on my own too. i'd just take it one day at a time and see what happens...if he doesn't get in touch and he knows you've had her he ain't worth the hassle. u can do it on your own. xxx
louise55
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Posted: Sun May 31, 2009 9:59 pm 
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its totally understandable hun that u want to protect erin. Like other people have sed surely if he wanted to see her he would have been in touch. Smile
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