Sheer Panic - Expecting 1st Baby @ 42 & Don't Know What

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SallyDow
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Posted: Mon Oct 12, 2009 4:51 pm 
Post subject: Sheer Panic - Expecting 1st Baby @ 42 & Don't Know What
I found out I was pregnant 10 days ago and have been in a state of shock ever since. I got married in March 2007 after a 6 month whirlwind romance and have been living a dream life ever since, going on amazing holidays and pretty much doing what ever we want. John has a 7yr old son from his previous relationship, so I have always felt we have had the best of both worlds... family stuff at weekends and just the 2 of us in the week. Perfect.

I had convinced myself that having a baby of my own was never going to happen after all these years (I had a M/C 10 years ago) and so always looked at the positive side of this. But now I am actually pregnant I just feel so confused and scared. I feel that all the plans we have made for our future are over as now, just as all our friends with kids are starting to get their social lives back, our baby years will be just beginning. My parents are already in their mid-70's so I don't feel I can look to them for help and don't have anyone to support me (as they helped out so much with my sister's kids, who are all at university now). I feel like I'm gonna be on my own and won't be able to cope with the everyday responsibilities of being a mum.

I feel it would be wrong to end a pregnancy when I am in a stable, happy relationship and feel this is something I may regret if I did, as probably will not get another chance. But at the same time, I just feel like my life will be over. I know this sounds selfish - but it is how I am feeling and I don't know who to talk to. Is this normal? Am I just panicking because I'm scared and in shock?
Floop
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Posted: Mon Oct 12, 2009 5:21 pm 
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Hey,

The feelings you are experiencing are felt by alot of pregnant women regardless of age, health or personal stability. It seems to be ingrained in our genes to question what is best for ourselves and for our baby.

Only you and your partner can decide what is best for your situation. Maybe you should look at it positively like you did your MC. Try and imagine all the things you would gain and not lose from having this baby. You only need to read the forums here to know how rewarding motherhood can be. Yes its tough and can easily take over your life to the point where you forget who you are but nothing will ever beat the unconditional love a child will give you.

I certainly wouldnt look down on you for choosing a termination if it truly is the best thing. Just make sure you are 100% sure either way, you do not want to spend the rest of your life regretting the choices you make.

Talk to people, talk to your oh and good luck hun Smile
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bakery
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Posted: Sun Oct 18, 2009 2:16 am 
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hi, im 36 and about 19weeks, my hubby and i had been trying for 2 years to have a baby and when we found out we were suddenly petrified. i have an 18year old and 15year old and he has a 12year old, so this is our first together.we started worrying bout what the kids would think and other people not to mention if we could handle it, but now its so exceiting everyone is happy and we cant wait. age is nothing as long as you and your hubby are happy it will all fall into place and you can still have your holidays there will just be a bit more luggage to pack and carry. what ever you deceide im sure it will be the right thing for you. good luck Smile
SeaDragon
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Posted: Wed Nov 04, 2009 6:57 pm 
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I'm 40 and 5 weeks pregnant with my first. Have only been married two years and we have had so much fun, going on holiday to some great places and having a great life together. Although this is planned, we are still trying to get used to the idea of not being able to do what we used to.

I am on my own where I live - all my family are 300 miles away, so it is going to be hard, but I think it should be worth it. I think of how I will feel at age about 60 if I do not have any kids of my own and it makes me realise that we do want this baby.

I think what you are feeling is normal, especially as I feel the same! You can only talk to each other about it and try to decide if you think you can give up all your luxuries for the baby. How will you feel in ten years time if you do not have kids?

Good luck with deciding - I know how hard it is!
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lankylass
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Posted: Wed Nov 11, 2009 7:24 am 
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Seadragon - do you mind if I ask how long it took you to get pregnant? I am 40 and we have been trying for 3 months.
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BabyMilly
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Posted: Wed Nov 11, 2009 10:12 am 
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Hi

I was 41 was Ellie was born (42 now) and its great, this is my 3rd baby with a huge gap as my others are 19 and 12!

I too had a fab life, great job, great social life,we have a place abroad and loved to go off for city breaks!!!! BUT life does go on with a baby, we still go out to lovely restaurants but now Ellie comes too and we have flights booked so soon she'll be off on her first holiday.

I honestly beleive that having a baby in your 40s is great, you seem to appreciate every single minute of it!

Enjoy your pregnancies and your babies
x
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SeaDragon
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Posted: Wed Nov 11, 2009 8:19 pm 
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Hi lankylass - I got pregnant the first time we tried. It really took me by surprise as we weren't really expecting it to happen that quick. I came off the pill about 9 months ago and have made a big effort to lose weight and get fit before we even thought about it. Also banned hubby from drinking caffeine and soya milk! We did time it for the right time of the month though (though hubby didn't know this - didn't want him to feel pressured). Not sure if any of that made a difference and I do suspect we just got lucky.
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lankylass
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Posted: Wed Nov 11, 2009 9:37 pm 
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Oh Seadragon, I was on the pill from April to August this year before we decided to try. I don't know if it's that or my age or something else but am finding the constant waiting very hard to deal with as I don't think I can keep trying for ever, don't want to look like granny at the school gates!
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BabyMilly
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Posted: Fri Nov 20, 2009 9:39 am 
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Lanky

We tried for over 3 years and kinda gave up hope so we planned our lovely wedding for June 1 in Cyprus as we'd putting the wedding off I was hoping to get a baby in first and not [*CENSORED*] up our plans for a cyprus wedding. ANYWAY I found I was preggers in January it was a total shock as I thought I was just too old to pregnant! Just about managed to fly to Cyprus for my wedding (although I was 25 weeks and getting fat and couldn't even have a glass of champagn).
We now have a beautiful 9 week old daughter and being an older parent certainly has its benefits!
Good luck I'm sure it'll happen soon
xxxxx
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michelletv
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Posted: Thu May 20, 2010 1:27 pm 
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hi Sallydow
what happened about your pregnancy. i've been reading your story and replys, but that was last year. Has anyone followed up to find out how you are doing? is everything still okay with you?
xx
jenshayne
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Posted: Thu May 27, 2010 7:01 am 
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Awwww..and congrats. Just read your post and it is shocking to find out you're pregnant at a later stage in life when you weren't planning it! You mentioned that your life as you know it will be over...not true! It is different, but not over. I truly believe things happen for a reason, and I know you are scared and in shocked, but I assure you, this baby is going to complete your life in ways words cannot describe. xxx
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klmtom
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Posted: Wed Mar 23, 2011 10:59 pm 
Post subject: congrats
congrats ... Yes you are panicked but all good parents worry... lol listen im 42 i didnt expect to be pregnant and it was a shock as well when i found out. I got used to the idea and when he was born everyone came in to see him. But when I was left alone that night at the hospital I suddenly realized omg I have to take him home and care for him lol. Even tho i had two other older children i was nervous as heck. Would i remember how to do this hmm. At first it was a struggle re learning and balancing my life with a newborn but i tell ya he is an absolute joy a miracle omg i cant express how lucky i feel every time i look at him. I wish you well and good health ...ooh and get lots of sleep now while you can. Smile
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