try everything and still crying until picked up

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fabienne
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Posted: Tue Sep 11, 2007 7:06 pm 
Post subject: try everything and still crying until picked up
Hello,
I have a 14 months old baby. He always had sleeping problems but I'm a single mother and a 1st grade French Teacher who really needs advice and help. I would like to tell you first the story of my baby. He's father left me when I was pregnant. He had bad acid reflux until 8 month old. October 31st, my 1st day going back to work, the baby sitter shook him (baby shaking syndrome) and he stayed in ICU for 1 week with a bleeding brain, subdural hematoma and seizure. YES, it's true after that day I hold him most of the time, never let him cry (not 1 minute) and watch him every second. He had to take medication for 4 month. Now he doesn't take anything and thanks God, he seems to be as healthy as any other little boy. He's walking, running, talking (6 or 7 words), laughing and eating very well. The only problem is sleeping. He has his own bedroom and also a bed in my bedroom. He takes 2 naps during the day (about 1h30 for both). He fall to sleep very easy around 8:30 p.m but he will wake up crying around 12:30 or 1 or 2a.m. It's always different. I try everything (sleeping with me in my bed, in the sofa, giving him a bottle, letting him cry for 5, 10, 15 minutes and go check on him every time, talk to him,...). The only thing that works is picking him up and hold him in a standing position, moving softly left to right and he stop crying immediately (He can cry for more that 30, 45 minutes no stop) BUT when I put him down, he's crying again. So I stay in the bedroom and tell him that I'm there and he can go back to sleep. He will not stop crying until I pick him up again, even if I'm next to him. If I'm lucky it will stay asleep for 1 or 2 hours. No more than that and it will go on and on until it's time to go to work. Everybody say that I should just let him cry but I don't think that it's a good thing to let him cry for more that 30'. Also, the "stranger" thing is that he's sleeping through the night in his ant and uncle’s house! So, I feel guilty and think that I do something wrong or something in his bedroom that scare him. But he's doing the same if he's in my bed or in a bed upstairs. I really don't know what to do. PLEASE, please, if you have any advice, ideas, comments... let me know.
THANK YOU! Merci!
StarryEyed
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Posted: Tue Oct 16, 2007 2:38 pm 
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Babies do different things in different peoples houses because they can get away with different things.
Your son knows that if he whimpers, you will come running. He knows that his aunt and uncle are a different story.
I don't think you are doing anything wrong. I think you just need to start putting some distance between him crying and you running to him.
Start off slowly. Leave him for 5 minues, then go in and soothe him. I know it's hard, but don't pick him up. Make sure the room is dark. If there's a light on, it will probably send him the message it's time to get up. Touch him gently and let him know you are there by talking softly to him.
He has got used to you picking him up and rocking him back to sleep. You need to train him to get out of the habit. It won't be easy, but you will get there (eventually!)

Does he have a blanket or other kind of 'security' toy? Perhaps it would be a good idea to introduce such a thing, so when he sees that it's there he reaches for that instead of you.
DevonMum
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Posted: Wed Oct 17, 2007 7:13 am 
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agree with what starry says - it sounds like you've tried lots of methods, and are clearly (and understandably) anxious about him. How long did you try the methods for? chopping and changing his bedtime routine can confuse him and be part of the cause of his restlessness. Stick with what you decide for a very long time, until he settles into it.

It may also be worth assessing the nursery environment - compare to his room as his aunt's place - what are the lights/sounds/smells there? maybe you can replicate them? not all babies sleep well in pitch darkness and silence - some prefer a small nightlight and a ticking clock or soft music to send them to sleep.

Hope that helps Very Happy good luck

Anna
Heather2006
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Posted: Sun Nov 11, 2007 4:49 pm 
Post subject: music to sleep with
I think you are doing great and I just admire you. Did you try to put on some music before putting your son in bed for the night? If he will get into a habit of falling asleep to a certain music theme, the same one will help him to stop crying if you turn it on when he wakes up.

See my other post if you want to know what we use, also just singing ot your son can help too.

Bon courage!
FD
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Joined: 17 Feb 2008
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Posted: Sun Feb 17, 2008 11:27 am 
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Hi Fabienne,

I notice that you posted your message a while ago and was wondering how things were.
Had I joined the forum earlier I would have recommended white noise to help your little one get to sleep. This has worked a treat for my kids and my friends children too.

Hope things are ok now.

F
www.calmsleepingbaby.com
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