Posted: Fri Jun 27, 2008 8:21 am
Dnt give in to him, if you do he'll learn that throwing tantrums gets him what he wants. Show him that throwing tantrums doesnt get him what he wants and that saying please and being nice does - hopefully he should stop.
i will give that a try hopefully it will help thank you
Posted: Sun Jun 29, 2008 9:19 am
yer i have the same problem with my little girl shes terrible wen she dnt get her own way i was walking rond morrisons the other day and we had just had dinner and she was wanting something else of the shelf and i said no and she screamed so loud all the way round the shop i felt awful but i no its the only way to stop her tantrums is to ignore her but the looks i got were horrid.
Posted: Thu Aug 14, 2008 4:27 pm
I realized it is easier to prevent tantrums if you give him what he needs. Why do we actually deny him that? If you want anything you are happy to get it. If you dont get it you are upset. So why do we unnessecarily deny our kids this pleasure? I know nowasdays society says we have to teach them for their own good. But on the contrary, we only confues them because we get things we want and they are not allowed. So instead you could try giving him the things he wants and especially needs because down teh road he will give it back to you. He learns from you, because he loves you and that a natural thing to do. if we hit a child for examble, the child will learn hitting is a good way. We believe that of course but we dont believe in the good things. The only time where you should deny these thing is when there is a very good reason e.g. danger, unhealthy etc. Just be a good examble to your child and dont critize him fo ranything he will be your best pupil. And I know that myself. My daughter learned that way and she happy to share things with her brotehr and it makes her happy when he enjoys it. Because we taught her, gave her the things she wanted.
Another aspect is children asking for material things because mostly the parents dont see their need for love. If you give your child the love and attention he needs he wont be craving other things that much. Usually you asked for proof of a gift when your partner is ignoring you for a while or jsut have a short conversation than you need a proof. If you dont get love you are happy with a gift, wouldnt you? So you would prevent a lot of stress for you and your child if you would be open enough and trust your childs developmentī. And just "give in". Its hard when everybody believes the ower struggle thing but I have the living examble in my daughter
You could try a book called: The competend child by Jesper Juul
Posted: Thu Aug 14, 2008 4:53 pm
if give my daughter the love and attention she needs therefore that is nto the reason she wants food while going round a supermarket it is because she wants to eat choclate crisps etc. which i am not going to allow her to do once she has just had her dinner. and i am not giving into my daughter everytime she want somehting she cannot be eating chocolate all do long which is wot she wud do if i let her. i am the parent and i need to teach her what is right and set a good example to her and lettign her have everything she wants is not a gd example i didnt get that as a child and i dont get it now but it does not make me upset i understand u shud be happy with wot u have and she will understand that too.
Posted: Thu Aug 14, 2008 7:06 pm
If you consider chocolate crips as unhealthy. fair enough that would be a reason not to give in. But do it consequently. But there are other things whcih I think parents are only deny tehir chidlren to annoy them. not that they basically know this or do it delibrately. Its just because everyone expect them to be the upper person with the power. But I really believe that it makes a big difference if we live the life we want our children to live. But we cannot teach a child oit to watch telly when we do it in front of them. We canot teach a child to say please and thank you when we dont do it. We cannot teach a child to listen to us, when we dont listen to them. When we interupt them every tiem they want to tell us or dont hear them when they call us. How can we expect a child to hear us or listen to us? it is only naturall to please the ones we love. If you for examble fall in love with someone, you naturally try to impress him by doing good things. If this one critizise you than you easer give up and do what he says or you rebel. To rebel is not accepted in our sociaty and giving up and do what you are told means loosing a bit of yourself. We dont want to raise minime, do we? we want to raise independent kids who are individuels and go their own way, thinking for themselves.
Posted: Fri Aug 15, 2008 8:12 am
my child is and individual. and i dont deny my child things to annoy her y wud i want to do that? my child dus watch tele and she dus get listened too.
i always impress my child and she impresses me.
i think u should keep your comments to yourself as you have no right to comment on other ppl.
Posted: Fri Aug 15, 2008 8:53 am
I dont comment on others. I just give my ow experience and share them because its an open forum. And Im mostly reply to bunny41 who asked the question. I think we should have more than one opinion to make up our mind. So therefore I respect yours but I also respect children.
Posted: Fri Aug 15, 2008 9:18 am
I think in many ways you are both talking about the same thing here - its what is and isnt negitable with our babes. Zara I think you have a point in what you say about what we give to children, but I think what Laura is saying is that certain things are simply non-negotiable with her daughter - like chocolate when she isn't hungry - and she's absolutely right to stick to her principles there.
The other side of the coin from where you are coming from Zara could easily be a very spoilt child - and certainly children that learn that parents can change their minds if they scream loud enough are not likely to become easier to manage!!
There is also the potential future danger of a child thinking 'Mum says don't do that but she doesn't really mean it, nothing happens when I do' - what do you think will happen when you say 'don't run out into the road'.
I think you are both right in what you say, but Laura is talking specifically about her daughter, and general theory doesn't always work for our individual little bundles of love