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aldarion
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Posted: Mon Jul 13, 2009 3:20 pm 
Post subject: Undecided
Hello everyone,
I'm a confused woman who is struggling to make sense out of things. So this may end up being a long post. I am hoping to get some useful feedback.

My husband and I got married about a year ago. He was married before and has 2 kids (13 and 16 yr olds - a girl and a boy). This is my first marriage and no kids. We always talk about things very openly so avoid any negative feelings that may build up and cause more trouble later on. We like to think rationally about problems and not get too emotional about certain things. It seems to work great. Problems get solved without much drama.

I know I will get flamed for saying this, especially there are so many out there trying to get pregnant desperately.. but I don't like children very much. I like babies because they're so innocent and cute and cuddly, etc. But after they grow up a bit,I find them noisy, spoilt, unthankful and manipulative. God knows I've been all these things to a certain extend when I was a child. And maybe I feel this way because of my husband's 2 kids. I find them quite selfish. Only chore they have to do is make their beds and flush the toilet after they use it! They fail to do both on numerous occasions. They constantly ask for expensive things (newer iPods although they have one already, more Wii games, etc). And when they don't get their way, they become quite nasty.

I am making another post because it seems there's some word count restriction.
aldarion
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Posted: Mon Jul 13, 2009 3:26 pm 
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To continue where I left off...

My husband and I had agreed not to have kids. He had a vasectomy about 12 years ago. So we're safe there.

Despite my better judgement I NOW have this terrible desire to have a child of my own.

To make matters worse, I am a wuss when it comes to any procedure, even being vaccinated or giving blood samples etc.

So I know I don't want to have kids and nor does my hubby but this urge is driving me crazy. I haven't told my husband yet. I'm just hoping that it phases out and I don't feel like having a baby again. But so far it hasn't...

I see that men get reversals but even if I am okay having a baby, if my hubby doesn't want one, how do I even get him to agree to a reversal. He simply wouldn't. I know I should talk to him about this... I guess I'm just thinking outloud... and hoping the feeling goes away. I might go see a psychologist to work this out eventually.. but any input will be appreciated. Thanks for reading and sorry for the long post.
Angell67
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Posted: Mon Jul 13, 2009 3:36 pm 
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hi hun,

first of all hello and welcome. you have come to the right place for advice.

I have 4 children myself and i have a step-son living with me. As much as i do love him, he drives me nuts. it is very difficult caring for a child that is not yours, especially when you have not raised them the way you would raise a child.

5 years ago my hubby had a vasectomy and now he has decided to have it reversed.

i thought that we wouldnt have any more kids so when he told me he wanted another one, i was floored. lol. Now i cant get it out of my head. all i see is babies, pregnant women and pregnancy tests advertised. i cant get away from it all.

i was also a wuss when it came to blood tests etc....but really, they are not that bad and you dont have to have too many when you are pregnant.

my advice would be to talk things over with your hubby and see what he says. its not good to deal with these feelings alone.

and remember, if you do go down the path of having a baby, you can raise them how you want to. i dont spoil my children and luckily, they are very polite little things (most of the time) lol.

im am wishing you all the best and hopefully you will better soon about it all xxxx tammy
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HoneyNurse
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Posted: Mon Jul 13, 2009 3:45 pm 
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I dont like children much either....LOL but i do like polite well-behaved children (my grandmother always tells me that its never naughty children its always naughty parents....i dont believe this i think some children are born with a hint of something nasty in them lol!!)
My OH had a vasectomy reversal in may, we want our own children and we will try and raise polite well-behaved children. I think a lot of people dont like other peoples children but there own are different because you can raise them differently.

I remember being out to dinner and a child kept running around and screaming and shouting and running up to other peoples tables while they were eating;..her mother did nothing about it and was infact ignoring her own child...... Evil or Very Mad grr so that child didnt know that thatwas wrong, but it drove me to distraction...we went somewhere else for oudding because i was getting so wound up!!
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HoneyNurse
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Posted: Mon Jul 13, 2009 3:47 pm 
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LOL im sorry hun....i just re-read my post through and it was very unhelpful...more of a rant lol!!

I think discussing it with your hubby is a step forward let him know how you feel, you never know he may feel the same!
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aldarion
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Posted: Mon Jul 13, 2009 3:59 pm 
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Oh thank God I'm not the only one feeling that way. Thank you Angel and HoneyNurse.

Your posts are very helpful. I guess it's good to know that I"m not losing it Smile

And about little monsters running around in a restaurant... I feel like getting up and telling him to shut his pie hole and telling the mother off. But I don't. Smile I try to put myself in her shoes and thinking maybe she's so sick of her own child she became immune to all he does. But it still doesn't help my headache and aggrevation and my total dislike of spoilt brats.
Angell67
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Posted: Mon Jul 13, 2009 4:06 pm 
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oh i hate spoilt brats myself.

but it really does depend alot on how they are raised. unfortunately some people think the way they raise their kids is ok.

i admit that i can be quite strict with the kids, but at least i know they are safe, polite and wont grow up to be asbo warriors!!!!! lol

xxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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HoneyNurse
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Posted: Mon Jul 13, 2009 5:11 pm 
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LOL exactly!!
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heroes
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Posted: Tue Jul 14, 2009 11:26 am 
Post subject: sterilisation reversal
LOl Laughing this is what most people think about other peoples children, I have 3 step children and 3 step grandchildren and im only 39, yeeks, personally i think step children are more overwhelming than your own, when you have your own children you have this overwhelming desire of love and protection and you canoot see any wrong in them, my OH's kids are ok i guess but very spoilt by there mother, she has money and we dont. I have 2 children from a previous marriage and one child with my OH, and I have to be modest when I say this but my kids are very well behaved in public and at home, they are very polite too, this is not something I have drilled in them but I have hinted to them perhaps when they forget their manners, I think that if you do have a child your outlook on life and kids will completely change. Do try and say something to your OH as you might find that he is thinking along the same lines too, best of luck, Karen xxx
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