Posted: Thu Aug 06, 2009 2:11 pm
Post subject: silly exs
hiya ladies a bit of advice please,
My ex has now got a new girlfriend and he now doesnt seem interested in the baby at all, i have confronted him about it to which his gf turned round and said look not being funny or anything but u should just have an abortion he with me now and doesnt seem to want the baby so that would be the easiest thing so HE is not tied down to me and the baby as she doesnt want him to see or speak to me, he is defending her for saying it to me even after everything i have been through and all babies i have lost before this one, so i have now turned round and said as she has said that i dont want either of them in my childs life do u think im out of ordering for saying it i feel so guilty for saying it but i cannot help the way i feel wat do u ladies think i should do anyone been in a simular situation
Posted: Thu Aug 06, 2009 3:18 pm
Hi Hunni !
Maybe i can help as I have been in a similar situation. When I got with my oh I knew his ex gf was a bit of a stalker ie keep ringing him texting him ALL the time ( not saying you are like that though ) They had been split up for just over 5 months when I met him and she just couldn't seem to let go!
Anyway - a few weeks down the line she rings him up and I say to him just answer see what she wants and then tell her to F off ! ...She ends up turning up to where we are and telling him that she is just over 5 months pregnant !! ...Him being him didn't know what to do - he didnt want a baby with her, he didnt love her anymore and they were not in a relationship! Now, rightly or wrongly we all have our opinions about this - he didnt have any contact with her up until she actually went into labour, he now see's his son once a week for 2 hours and the arangement seems to work pretty well.
The thing is I have stood by him all this time, but I have never once got involved in what is their business. She has issues about me being my oh's gf and she
banned me from seeing my oh's son ( not that he listens to her ) as she couldnt stand the fact he had a new gf....
I'm not comparing my oh's ex to you in anway as I am sure you are not like her ! I think you need to find a way to get him on your own - either on the phone or face to face and for him to tell you exactly how he feels and what kind of involvement he wants in his childs life.
I don't think you are out of order at all, but I believe you were just angry, you need to explain to his new gf that she needs to keep out ! It is nothing to do with her. I have never once got involved in any arguments etc between my oh and his ex even though I would have liked to many times !
Maybe you have a mutual friend between u and ur ex who you could go through or could be there if you two meet to keep the piece!?
I seem to be rambling now but if you want to chat or ask me anything else you can always PM me xxxx
Posted: Thu Aug 06, 2009 4:41 pm
Hiya hun, me and my ex split up just a day ago and i have a feeling i'm going to be in the exact same situation as you. I can't see him wanting to be a part in my sons life when he gets a new girlfriend.
I think she was bang out of order in saying that to you, it has nothing to do with her so she should just keep her mouth shut!
I don't think you should stop him being a part in your childs life, he's still the dad after all but i can understand why you said. There's times i wish i could just get rid of my ex and never have to see him again but that wouldn't be fair on my little man.
I hope you manage to sort things out hun xx
Posted: Mon Dec 21, 2009 5:02 pm
Post subject: miserable self-centred ex's
I can only sympathise with you. I left my ex when I was 8 mths 2 weeks pregnant with my daughter, after a sustained campaign of bullying and mental torture from him. He was in her life on and off for 18 months then we fell out over maintenance, he then didn't see her for 18 months. My mum coaxed me to let him see her again ( against my better judgement). he then carried on seeing her when it suited him and treated her like an inconvenient house guest for the next 9 years. We fell out again over maintenance in May this year and he has not seen her since.
Now dad's are very important in any kid's life, but not at any cost. My daughter is beautiful , funny , talented and clever- and surprisingly has no "issues". As far as I can see it is entirely his loss- he will be alone and unhappy in his later life- any man who puts money , work, or a girlfriend in front of his kids isn't worth s**t. I have done a great job bringing my Lily up, we are very close, she is thrilled she is going to be a big sister in June and is deeply loved and cared for by me and my gorgeous new partner.
Be strong, be a grown up - ALWAYS try your best to think of what is best for your child and let him think about his own concience. if you have to do it alone , you can, if not , welcome his support and accept no nonsense , tell the bitchy gf to butt-out, she'll probably be gone soon enough! good luck