Posted: Wed Oct 14, 2009 5:31 pm
Post subject: My story...
Well, i am married and have been ttc for a year.
I have PCOS and needed clomid and metformin.
I finally fell pregnant in May this year.
When i was 9 weeks pregnant i found a bank statement with 'ann summers' on it and i asked my husband what it was. He stuttered a bit and i realised something was up.
I asked him outright if he was having an affair (never expecting it to be true!) And he said no, then got really defensive and packed a bag and walked out saying he couldn't believe i could think that of him....
Basically i'm now 27 weeks pregnant and in all that time i have done a lot of digging and it turns out he was having an affair. I know the woman involved and she is admitting everything to mutual friends. He still denies being with her. But i know that he is now living with her and everything.
I can't believe this has happened to me, it sounds like something off Jeremy kyle!!
I'm very depressed and i think the worst thing is i still love him.
We've been together for 7 years and married for 1 and a half.
We have a house together and a dog... it's all such a perfect little life and we were so happy. I don't understand why this has happened to me.
Anyways, i've told him that i know what's going on even if he won't admit it. And i've told him he needs to make a decision to either come home and try to make a go of it with his family or to tell me up front and honestly if he's going to be with her.
I'm now waiting to know what my future holds and really struggling with every possibilty to be honest.
I was wondering if anyone else had any financial experience of break ups like this?
We have a joint account and a joint mortgage which we have both been paying still.
I'm worried he'll stop paying. I can't afford it by myself.
I don't know what benefits i'm entitled to and i'm really scared.
Can anyone give me any advice please? x
Posted: Thu Oct 15, 2009 6:34 am
MrsP, i cant help you on the financial side of it all, but i have been following your story and pregnancy and just wanted to send you a big hug Your OH is being a total idiot (the word id like to use would be censored!) and clearly has no idea what he could miss out on. You are going to have a beautiful little boy at the end of this. If for whatever reason your OH decides to leave then I guess legally he would still have a lot of responsibility for the little one so I hope that would go in your favour financially. you have done nothing wrong. I got to go now hun, but I hope you have a good day and dont forget we are all here for you. Sorry my reply isnt much use! xxx
Posted: Mon Oct 19, 2009 11:01 pm
i am so sorry about that what happened to You. Man can be such a pig sometimes!
Well i can advice You a bit, hope this gonna help.
If you been working all this time before You got pregnant, you are entitled to tax credits ( working tax credits, and after baby will be born to child tax credits),
most of the benefits You may get after baby is born. If You will decide to have "his" last name on babys birth certificate, then he will have to pay you child maintenance. All this wont give you loads of money, will be thight but to be honest its always somnething.
To solve the joined account and mortgage you will have to go to lawyer - he will advice You what to do.
Just try to make your husband made up his mind, i hate when guys playing games like that. My heart goes out to You sweetheart.
When i was pregnant my babys father said to me that i should get rid of "THIS", cos he has social life, uni etc... well. i had too and i didnt do any thing. i kept the baby, and now he is coming here to my house like a fool and trying to act like father,
Dont worry hun, i know its hard and it will take long time to heal after such a break up.
Just make sure you looking after yourself, cos soon you gonna have near you your LO and he will take all love what you have in you.
loads of love and hugs.